I nod. “I’ll come up with a concept this week and swing by the office.”
When Gray took over more of the company, he mentioned getting a bigger building. With Molly gone and Gray and Gemma not living at home anymore, there was really no need for him to keep working out of the building on my property. He found an office building big enough to accommodate our ever-growing business.
Gemma walks up beside us, her eyes glassy as she holds out the journal to me. Molly’s been gone for nearly fifteen years and she still gets teary-eyed when we read the journals.
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, I pull her to my side, where she snuggles against me. I give her a moment to compose herself, and my eyes fall on the seashell necklace.
“Garrett and I were thinking about taking Izzy to the lake house in a few weeks. You should come with us, Dad.” She directs her eyes to Gray next. “And you, Andrea, and the kids. We can make it a family weekend.”
“Let me get with Andrea first, but I don’t see why we couldn’t.”
She grins, then flips her eyes up to me. “That sounds like a good idea, beauty. I’m in.”
I don’t go to the lake house often. It doesn’t feel right being there without Molly. But having Gray, Gemma, and the kids there will fill the walls with laughter again.
We spend a few more minutes visiting Molly before we all call it a day. Gray and Gemma promise to not be late for their next visit. I give the kids granddude loving before they take off. As I watch them walk away, a smile on my face, the wind blows and the hairs on my arms rise.
“Yeah, I know,” I say softly. “They really are special, aren’t they, baby?”
Another gust of wind whips around me, as if it’s Molly saying she agrees.
After both of their cars are gone, I turn back to her headstone, touch my fingers to my lips, and then press them to the top of the stone.
“I miss you,” I say quietly. “I’ll see you next week. Love you.”
Before I can say the final word I always do before I leave, I swear I hear it whispered in my ear.
“Forevermore.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
LINCOLN
Twelve Years Later
“I often ask myself if today will be the day I breathe my last breath and tomorrow we’ll be together again. Mostly I pray for that day to come sooner rather than later because I miss you so damn much. You’ve been gone twenty-eight years, Molly, but it still feels like yesterday. I’ve held on. I’ve watched our kids grow for the both of us. I’ve been there for them every step of the way. I’ve loved them hard and watched them get married and start their own families. I wouldn’t have traded a second of that time with them for anything.”
Leaning my head back against the stone, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
“I’m tired, Molly. I’m so very tired. I haven’t been whole since you left. I need to feel whole again. Gray and Gemma don’t need me anymore. But I need you.”
I open my eyes, and my gaze meets a blue sky filled with clouds. One of them in particular catches my attention, and I smile. It looks incredibly like a four-leaf clover.
“Are you trying to tell me something? That maybe today will be my lucky day?”
There is no answering wind or shiver racing up my spine. I sigh when the cloud breaks apart, destroying my dream.
“I’ve lived my life as best as I could. Once you were gone, I still managed to find some happiness again after a while. My life has been full and satisfying, despite you no longer being in it. I made sure I did that because I know that’s what you would have wanted. But I’m ready, Molly. I’m ready to find you again.”
I’ve had many opportunities over the years to try and find love again. My parents wanted me to try. The kids mentioned it a few times, letting me know I’d have their blessing if I brought another woman into my life. Even Molly’s parents suggested several years after Molly died that I should think about dating. I knew they all meant well, and Molly told me herself she wanted me to find someone else, but I never did. I never wanted to. It wasn’t because I felt guilty or from a sense of loyalty to Molly or even out of continued grief. I just never felt the need to be with anyone else. I never had that craving to connect with another woman. I was as happy as I was going to be without Molly. No other woman would have given me even half of what Molly did. It was either Molly or no one.
Most people would have eventually moved on, and some people may think I’m crazy for not doing so. What Molly and I shared isn’t something that can be explained, so I don’t even try. I just let them think whatever they want.
I don’t have a journal with me today. During my last visit, I read the final entry, and there are no more. It feels strange not reading to her. I’ve enjoyed the journey of hearing my wife’s thoughts.
I sit there against Molly’s headstone and listen to the birds chirping and the slight rustle of leaves. It’s fall, and the leaves are just starting to turn from deep green to yellows, oranges, and reds. Fall was Molly’s favorite time of year because of the beautiful colors.
“I can’t stay long today because we’re having a big cookout later. Everyone will be there. We’re celebrating Mav getting into Oxford, which has been his dream for years. We’re all so damn proud of him, Molly. He’s so smart and driven. I know it’s driving Gray and Andrea crazy at the thought of him being so far away. Hell, even I hate the thought. But he deserves this. He’s worked so hard at it, and I know he’s going to make a huge difference in the world and help a lot of people.”
I was both surprised and touched when Gray told me Mav wanted to go to medical school after college and earn a degree in the rare disease field. Gray and Gemma both, along with myself, have talked about Molly to the kids. They know all about the incredible woman their grandmother was, and how she died. Because of the nature of Gerstmann-Straussler-Scheinker and the high likelihood of one of their children carrying the diseased gene, they had all of them tested as soon as their doctor recommended it. I’m not sure how we got so lucky, but so far, none of them do.
With a tired sigh and my old bones creaking painfully, I get up from the ground, brushing the grass and leaves from my pants.
I once again kiss my fingers and then press them to the top of her headstone. “Same time next week. I love you, my girl. Forevermore.”
Later that night, I’m back at Molly’s grave. I normally only visit once a week, but sometimes I find myself needing to be near her. After spending the day with family and friends, seeing them all laughing and happy, the sudden need hit me again. I enjoyed today. It’s been a long time since we’ve all been together like that.
As much as I enjoyed it, though, something was missing. Over the years, I’ve gotten used to the empty feeling in my chest Molly left behind. But today it was stronger, deeper.
So, after hugging my kids tightly and my grandkids even tighter, and watching them leave with everyone else, I got in my car and drove the fifteen minutes it took me to get back to my girl.
After running my hand over the slab of granite, I sit in the same spot I normally do. It’s dark out, well after ten at night, so it’s quieter than my normal visits. No squirrels running around gathering nuts before the cold forces them to stay inside. No birds chirping and chasing each other. No cars whizzing by. Only the silence, the occasional croak from a frog, and the sound of my breathing.