Mitch was watching her carefully. He loved what she was saying, but he was definitely surprised. It seemed her touch on his neck was absent-minded. She was lost in what she was saying.
“Being here has helped me realize some things about home,” she admitted. “All of the ways my family has been ‘butting in’ to my life has really been more about me than them.”
“How so?” Mitch asked. He felt a strange combination of happiness and hope that Paige was figuring some things out down here and trepidation that she was figuring out that maybe she missed Appleby.
He didn’t want her to not love her hometown. In fact, he really did want her to love home and her family and her history there. But if she started missing it, maybe she’d realize she didn’t need to go to Colorado to be alone after all. Maybe she’d just want to head home.
“Breaking off my engagement and canceling the wedding did a number on all of us. My mom was definitely disappointed and worried. But I think my guilt was stronger than anything.”
She pressed her lips together, thinking. Then continued, “I think I’ve been projecting a lot of guilt onto the things they want from me. Like when they want me to help my niece and nephew with projects. Or when Josie and Grant want me to come to dinner. Or when I’m at weddings of friends and family. I’ve been thinking that it’s all about them wanting me to want a wedding and a husband and kids of my own, but…” She took a breath and let it out. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? Remember, I witnessed how hard your family tried to find out what was going on with us when I was in Iowa,” Mitch said.
They’d been pretty relentless there for a while about trying to figure out who she was spending the night with instead of participating in family time.
“Yeah, but of course they were curious, right? I mean, I’m so secretive about things. I don’t let them in. I don’t really talk about how I’m feeling.” Paige gave him a small smile, but she looked sad.
“I’ve never actually talked to my mom about calling off the wedding, or how I felt or how I feel about dating and settling down. I say things like, “I’ll just get another cat” or “it’s none of your business.” But I think it’s because I’ve wondered if I’m wrong about not wanting that stuff and if maybe I’m weird or something. I didn’t know how to talk to her about it.”
Mitch felt his gut knot. Yeah, she was figuring things out, and that probably meant that she would want to go home and talk this stuff out. Which she should. For sure. He wanted her to be happy and to have as good a relationship with her family as she could. Of course.
Damn, he was going to miss her.
“How has being here helped you figure that all out?” he asked, hoping she wouldn’t hear how tight his voice was.
“Observing wedding preparations and family interactions that had nothing to do with me. Just being able to watch and see all the sides.”
She lifted a shoulder.
“I mean, of course, there hasn’t been any talk about canceling the weddings or anything,” she went on. “But I’ve talked to Ellie and Leo and Cora and even the girls’ moms a bit and, since I’m not reading anything into it or feeling suspicious, I’ve truly seen that they all just want the girls and guys to be happy. They would be fine with whatever that meant.”
She smiled. “They’re thrilled about the weddings, but I really believe that if one of the couples wanted to postpone or if one or two of them had never gotten engaged or like Kennedy and Bennett did, they just took off and eloped, everyone would still be happy. They might want it to all go a certain way, but at the end of the day, it’s really about them being happy.”
She sighed and ran her hand up and down his neck again. Mitch loved the feel of her hands on him. Even when it was like this. It was more affectionate than anything. More as if she just couldn’t not touch him.
“I think my mom really does believe that I’ll be happiest if I’m married,” she said. “But I also think if I was totally honest with her and not defensive or sarcastic or annoyed, she’d listen, and she’d want me to be happy. All of this time with your family has made me see my mom and some of her motivations differently.”
She was studying the top button of his shirt rather than meeting his eyes as she shared her thoughts.
“I also think that if I wasn’t constantly worried about them worrying about me and thinking they were inviting me over because they felt sorry for me or something, I could enjoy hanging out with my niece and nephew and making dinner with Josie and Grant. And other things. Maybe family game nights and watching movies with my mom and helping Josie with her baking.”
“You think they invite you to that stuff because they feel sorry for you?”
She met his eyes and nodded. “And don’t want me holed up in my lonely apartment with my cats, becoming a weird spinster recluse.”
He gave her a smile and squeezed her thigh. “You need to stop avoiding time with your family. You need to be honest with them about what you want and what you don’t want, and then you need to find a way to be with them without all the misunderstandings and assumptions.”
She nodded. “I do. I need to get this chip off my shoulder.”
“Let’s go home for hammock time,” he urged again. He liked this softer side of Paige, and he was so glad she’d figured some big things out. He wanted to keep her talking.
“I don’t want to leave.” She smiled. “Planning these weddings and then seeing it all come together today was some of the most fun I’ve ever had.”
Damn. He wasn’t going to get her alone again for a while. “My dad is only the first person to say something like I’m a better man with you around. There will be more of that,” he warned.
She laughed. “I have nothing to do with you being a better man, Mitch. You’re the best man I know. Already. Before I had anything to do with you.”
He shook his head. “You do make me better. You make me more patient and more content and happier.”
He’d always been intent on helping everyone around him, fixing the things that needed fixing, being there to haul and lift and carry anything and everything. But Paige had taught him that he couldn’t always put his hands on things and fix them. Sometimes he just needed to be there, standing by while the people he loved went through things and letting them know that how he felt about them wouldn’t change.
Yeah, she’d taught him that, he realized. He’d learned how he could provide an opportunity for someone to get what they needed, but that he might have to stand by and let them take that opportunity and go through it mostly on their own, hoping that it was what they needed it to be. He couldn’t fix everything.
Sometimes he just had to love people while they were fixing themselves.
Damn, he didn’t feel patient or content, though. He wanted Paige to be in the same place he was. Now. Tonight.
He wanted more. The need to be patient was a daily challenge.
“Well, I’m glad.” She moved her hands to loop her arms around his neck and scooted closer. “I like to think that I’m giving you something too.”
He could make this dirty. Flirty. Sexy. He could say something about the things he wanted from her. The dirty, flirty things. Not the forever things.