No, it wasn’t that. She could forgive them; she just didn’t know if she wanted a relationship with them.
Oh, families were complicated. Perhaps she’d tell Rafe he was better off without one.
Except that wasn’t for her to decide. Not for him.
The first course was removed, and everyone was quiet while the next course was laid.
“When do you plan to present your claim?” Lorcan asked as he served turbot onto his plate.
“As soon as we have all the evidence accumulated,” Sheffield answered. “I’ve dispatched a clerk to Stonehaven to interview the servants. Another clerk will travel to Ivy Grove to take Mrs. Gentry’s testimony, along with anyone else who was in service when Mr. Mallory and my wife were children.”
Lorcan picked up his wineglass. “So the news will likely not become public this week?”
“I doubt the claim will be ready, but I am not willing to commit to a date,” Sheffield said mildly.
Anne looked toward Rafe, and their gazes locked in silent communication. Nothing would happen until after their Magazine Day excursion. But that was perhaps the last time she would see him as Mr. Bowles, rather, Mr. Mallory. As soon as his claim was sent to the Prince Regent and the attorney general, the information would leak into the ton, and Society would be overcome with the news. Everyone would want to meet Rafe. And when the women saw him, they’d want to marry him. Or have their daughters marry him.
Anne didn’t like that one bit. Not when she wanted him for herself.
But that didn’t matter if he didn’t want her in return. Hopefully, on Wednesday she would find out.
“Even a week from now is very soon,” Deborah said.
Sheffield gave her a patient smile. “There’s no reason to wait.” His eyes narrowed slightly. “It’s not as if this affects you at all.”
Lorcan sent his sister a smug look. Deborah scowled into her wineglass.
“I wonder if you might tell us about our father,” Selina asked her uncle. “And our mother.”
Anne watched expectantly as her godfather finished chewing. “Jerome probably should have been the second son. He would have done well as a vicar or teaching at Oxford. He liked books.”
Rafe smiled at his plate, and Anne felt a burst of warmth. How wonderful that must feel for him.
“And horses,” her godfather continued. “He wanted to start a stud at Stonehaven and was in the process of enlarging the stables when the house burned.”
Darkness swept away the light in Rafe’s features at the mention of the fire. Anne rushed to keep the topic on something pleasant. She looked to her godfather with a smile. “I remember you telling me that you and he used to race when you were young.”
“We did. I was the better horseman, but that didn’t stop Jerome from constantly challenging me.” He flicked a glance toward Selina. “Your mother had an excellent seat. She was always in the lead on the hunt.”
“How did they meet?” Selina asked softly.
Anne’s godfather shrugged. “During the Season, as one does. I don’t recall the specifics.”
“As you can imagine, we have many questions,” Rafe said. “We hope to find our nurse. If you have any suggestions that might help us, we would be grateful.”
“I doubt I would even recall her name,” the earl said.
Lorcan gestured with his fork. “You should speak to the retainers at Stonehaven. Perhaps someone there remembers her.”
Anne’s godfather had lifted his wineglass, but it slipped from his fingers and splashed across his plate and onto his lap. The glass rolled to the floor. He muttered something as a footman rushed to pick up the glass and provide assistance with a cloth.
Rising from his chair, her godfather took the cloth and swiped at his front from belly to thigh. “I’m afraid I must leave. This is a terrible mess.”
“I’m sure we can send for something for you to wear,” Rafe said calmly. “You needn’t rush off.”
As the earl kept dabbing at his clothes, Anne realized his hands were shaking. She stood and rounded the table. “We’ll go if you need to. It’s all right,” she said soothingly.
His blue eyes met hers, and she saw the anguish in their depths. Oh dear, this was far more difficult than she’d imagined. He nodded, and Anne turned her head to look first at Lorcan and then Deborah. Then her gaze found Rafe’s, and she tried to silently communicate how sorry she was about all this.
“I’m trying,” her godfather whispered. “I just… This is all that I am.”
She nodded as his children joined them. Deborah put her arm through his. “Come, Papa.”
Lorcan turned to Rafe, who’d risen from his chair. “My apologies. We will do this again. It will get…easier.”
“I hope so.” Rafe moved toward them. “I’ll see you out.”
Lorcan and Deborah escorted their father, flanking him as they left the dining room. Rafe nodded toward a footman, who left through another doorway. Turning his head, Rafe glanced at his sisters and their husbands before joining Anne. Together, they walked into the antechamber.
“I’m so sorry.” Anne kept her voice low and resisted the urge to take his arm. “My godfather is really struggling.”
“We all are,” Rafe said.
“I know. I just wish this wasn’t so painful for everyone.”
“How can it be anything else?” His voice was flat, and she wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Was he angry, frustrated, something else? Probably all of it at once.
“It will get better.” She gave him a tremulous smile and grazed her fingertips against his.
His fingers clasped hers. She looked up at him as they entered the entry hall and breathed, “Wednesday.”
With a nod, he let her go. She took her shawl from a footman and sent a last, lingering look at Rafe. His stare was dark and intense, making her shiver, and not with cold.
When they were in the coach, Deborah smoothed her hands over her lap. “Thank you for spilling your wine, Papa. I don’t think I could have endured much longer.”
Anne had endured quite enough. “Deborah, can’t you see how awful this is for everyone?”
Her eyes widened, then narrowed to slits. “Of course I can. But I am trying to support my father. He doesn’t deserve to be displaced.”
The earl, who sat beside Deborah on the forward-facing seat, patted her arm. “Thank you, dear.”
“No one deserves any of this. Imagine how you would feel if you’d been kidnapped as a child and denied the life you were meant to lead.”
“Anne is right.” The earl exhaled as he leaned back against the squab. “This is a terrible situation, but there is nothing to do but get through it. I should have stayed at dinner. I just…couldn’t.” He looked out the window.
“It’s all right, Father,” Lorcan said.
“That’s easy for you to say,” Deborah sniped. “You get to keep Kilmaar.”
Lorcan stiffened beside Anne. “And Father gets to keep his house in St. James Square. It will be an adjustment, but from what I can tell, our cousin is going to be very generous when it’s well within his rights not to be.”
The coach drew to a stop in front of Anthony and Jane’s house, and Anne was never more glad for such a short trip. She breathed with relief as she stepped down from the coach.