Slowly.
No rushing. One step at a time. And as I worked, Joe’s encouragement kept bouncing around my brain. If he trusted me not to ruin his drink, maybe he could trust me to fix our relationship. Maybe.
“Here you go.” I handed over the drink.
“It lives up to its name. Perfect.” He continued to send me silent messages with his eyes. The drink wasn’t the only thing perfect. We might be too, if we could find our way back to the place we’d been all summer—the long talks and shared food and sleepy cuddles. This had been about so much more than sex, and deep down, I think we both knew how perfect we were together. Especially when we got out of our own way.
His meaningful looks would suggest he was open to making up, but in line at Bold Brew wasn’t the time or place, even with our talent for unspoken communication.
“Good.” I didn’t try to keep him longer at the register, but I wasn’t at all surprised when he headed for a table instead of the door.
“Okay, Dimples.” Blake waved a towel at me. “Go take your break.”
“What? I’m fine.” I glanced over at Joe again, hoping my longing wasn’t too obvious. My break wasn’t for another hour, though, and I wanted to be fair.
“No, you’re not.” Blake flicked me with the towel. “Go fix whatever’s broken with you and Daddy Bear so you can get your brain back to barista mode.”
“Sorry. I know I’ve been spacey today…”
“Yup.” Ever honest, Blake wasn’t the type to let me make excuses. “And I’m not really up for watching you and Joe pine for each other across the coffee shop while you drop cups and he broods. Go talk.”
“Going.” I wasn’t going to turn down the favor, and I hurried to hang up my apron.
Joe was playing around on his phone when I approached the table. I cleared my throat, still in hyper-awkward mode. “Can I… This seat taken?”
“I was hoping by you.” He gave me a much more tentative smile than he had earlier. “Is it your break time?”
“Not technically, but Blake says he doesn’t want to watch us pine.” I collapsed into the chair opposite him.
“Ah.” Joe regarded me over the rim of his drink. “Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Pining.” His smile turned playful.
I bit my lip. Playing it coy might be easier, but Joe deserved honesty, not games. “Yeah, I guess I am. Barely slept last night.”
“Me too.” His tired sigh mirrored my own.
“The neighbors probably hate me. I vacuumed super late. And dusted.”
He gave a sympathetic laugh. “I cleaned my stove.”
“Well, at least we were productive.”
“There is that.” Nodding, he held my gaze until I had to shift around in my chair.
Finally, I couldn’t stand it another second.
“I’m sorry,” we both said at the same time.
“You are?” I lifted my eyebrow, a little surprised at his ready apology.
“Yeah. I shouldn’t have let you walk away.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” Hurt tinged my voice. I still wasn’t over that, even if I could now see my own role in the argument. “But I shouldn’t have made it easy on you to do so.”
“You didn’t.” Joe’s shoulders slumped, and he studied the tabletop.
“I didn’t?” I pursed my mouth. Around us, the coffeehouse was hopping, all the weekend traffic along with visitors for the music festival, but my attention was riveted on Joe.
“I wanted to stop you, but I was afraid.” His voice was so low that I had to lean forward to hear him.
“You?” My eyebrows went up further. “I thought you don’t let anyone—or anything—intimidate you.”
I’d aimed for a teasing tone, but it probably came across more biting because I was still dealing with my hurt.
Nodding as if he understood my irritation, Joe regarded me with solemn eyes. “Except for you.”
“Me? I’m scary?”
“More like my feelings for you are terrifying.” He reached across the table for my hand. “I like you. A lot.”
“Me too.” Putting my hand over his, this time I was the one to hold his gaze, trying to match his seriousness.
“And it’s not simply about wanting to be your Dom and being worried I’m wrong for the role.”
My head tilted at that. Over by the window, someone dropped something metal, but I didn’t even flinch. “It’s not?”
“No. Sure, I’d like to be your Dom long-term, Levi, but I want more than that. I want to be your boyfriend. Your partner.”
“I want that too,” I admitted softly. My cheeks were hot, but instead of sweating, I felt on the verge of shivering with how much I’d wanted him to say those words. “And I wasn’t exactly acting like future partner material either.”
“What do you mean?” Joe squeezed my hand, strong fingers stroking against mine, reassuring in their familiarity.
I groaned because this was the part where I had to use my words and actually apologize. “It wasn’t the most mature, waiting for you to be the one to make a move first, expecting you to tell me how you felt and not being willing to return the favor. You were right about that.”
“Maybe, but I was dragging my feet, no question about it.”
Something about his frown made me want to kiss him. We were both being rather hard on ourselves, and I wished were back at his place, in his bed. Perhaps that would be easier than this semi-public unearthing of big emotions.
“I think we were both scared.” Since I couldn’t easily kiss him across the table, I settled for adding my other hand on top of his.
“Yeah.” He smiled shyly down at our Jenga pile of hands.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like I only wanted you for revenge on Rick. I want you for a lot more than simply the intimidation factor. I want a boyfriend, not a bodyguard.” Being honest about wanting more was surprisingly easy now, especially with our hands and hearts so linked.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind—”
“Yeah, you do mind. And it was good that you spoke up because it also made me realize something important.”
“Oh?” Joe spared a glance for the line, which had dwindled. Thank God because I wasn’t ready to end my break quite yet.
“I’m the one who has to stand up for myself. I can’t wait around for you or anyone else to do battle for me. Or to solve my problems.”
Frowning, Joe quirked his mouth. “But I want to solve your problems. Or at least help. I wasn’t going to stand by and let him harass you.”
“I know. But I think that’s part of why I was so stubborn about telling you about my future worries.” I paused to take a breath, still working all of this out in my own head too. “I knew you’d swoop in with the rescue, and part of me really wanted that, like with Rick. However, the other part of me wanted to make you proud by solving the money stuff on my own. Show us both that we’re equals. I don’t want to always be some kid who needs watching out for.”
“Never,” Joe said quickly. “That’s not how I see you at all. I like taking care of you. A lot. But I like it precisely because I know you could work things out on your own. You letting me help, that means something to me.”