Because the titled gentlemen brought something to the bargain. They offered her a way into the ton and a future for her children beyond working endless nights at the Lyon’s Den. Was that a bargain she should make?
The questions were crushing her again. They took away all the pleasure that she felt in touching herself. Which meant she either had to stop and go to sleep or…
Or dive into what she really wanted to fantasize. After all, she knew quite a lot about what happened between men and women from the upstairs ladies. And now, with some personal experience, her imagination had a great number of remembered details to make the experience more real. Elliott kissing her hard as she backed against the worktable. Elliott on his knees between her thighs as he pushed his fingers inside her.
He’d told her where to touch herself between her thighs. He’d told her to look for a place of extra sensation. He’d told her, and she remembered. While one hand squeezed her nipple, her other went between her thighs to mimic what Elliott had done to her. Except when that wasn’t enough, she imagined his mouth there. The upstairs ladies had talked often about that. And when that wasn’t enough, she thought about his manhood. She’d seen improper sketches. A great deal of improper things went through the Lyon’s Den.
Her breath came short, and her back arched. It was still a pale comparison to the real man. She persevered in any event, focusing instead on the memory of his whispers next to her ear in the dark carriage. What he’d said to do. How his body had pressed so close to hers. And how she’d wanted him right then to slip his hands between her thighs and—
She quickened with a gasp. Pleasure burst through her cells, and she rocked in startled joy. But the sensations faded quickly. No man held her. No words were whispered into her ear. And though she felt a languor spread through her body, it wasn’t the same.
Disappointed, she rolled onto her side and stared glumly into the darkness. Why couldn’t dreams come true be exactly like the dreams?
Morning came with a fitful sky that kept trying to rain but didn’t do more than spit. She would have slept longer, but Diana woke her with a firm knock. Then, before Amber did more than crack her eyes, the woman bustled in carrying a couple more gowns that her maid had altered to fit her.
“I know it’s early, but we need to capitalize on the interest created by your dowry. I’ve gotten us invitations to a luncheon, then a stroll around the shops, afternoon tea, followed by Hyde Park. We’ll have to choose between ball invitations tonight unless you’d prefer a night at the theater.”
“Why are you doing this?” If Amber had been more awake, she would have phrased the question more delicately.
Diana’s eyes widened, and she set the dresses at the base of the bed. “Whatever do you mean?”
Amber sighed and sat up. “I’m very grateful, but you don’t owe me anything. Your brother doesn’t need me to go to any more parties.” He’d probably prefer she stay completely unknown. It would be easier to make her his mistress. “You’re giving up your time and your dresses, not to mention risking your reputation by sponsoring a jeweler’s daughter. Why would you do that?”
Diana stared at her a long moment, then she gingerly settled down on the bed. When she spoke, it was quiet and with a great deal of candor. “I never got my own season. I’d been planning it for years, but…well, you know I married against my choice. There were a few years after the wedding to do the fashionable rounds, but Richard became sick soon after that. He was better at home this winter. Strong enough to promise me treats this Season, but he grew sick the day after we arrived.”
“I am so sorry, my lady,” Amber said. And she was. Diana did not have an easy life. Amber hadn’t even met her husband. The man kept to his sickbed, but she had overheard enough from the staff. He was wasting away, and Diana had no choice but to wither with him.
Unless, of course, she had a girl to sponsor.
“I have accepted my life,” she said as she patted Amber’s hand. “But it is lovely to have a reason to go through it all with someone else.”
“Isn’t there a family member—” Amber began, but Diana rolled her eyes.
“Gwen would rather cut off her own legs than go dancing. And as for our other sister, Lilah, well she’s a by-blow, and everyone knows it. We can’t sponsor her. It just isn’t done.”
“Neither is sponsoring me.”
Diana nodded, her expression thoughtful. “Well, no one knows about you, so there’s that. Maybe I can find a way.” Then she abruptly brightened. “But that’s thoughts for next Season. I’m interested in this one. Are you ready to discuss the men?”
Amber frowned. “What men? Which men?”
“Well,” Diana said as she waggled her eyebrows. “I’ve created a list.” She pulled several sheets of foolscap from her pocket and set them on the coverlet between them. “I hope that wasn’t presumptuous of me. This has to be overwhelming, and I thought I’d help you sort the wheat from the chaff.”
Amber stared down at the list. Diana had written nearly two dozen names along with their full title and pedigree. She’d also made notes as to their per annum income and their habits, which included interest, faults, and detractors. Under one man’s name, she’d written, “Laughs like a donkey.”
Amber pointed to it. “Truly?”
“Oh, yes. It might not bother you, but listening to that braying night and day would put me off my food. You’ll have to let me know when you meet him. He’ll be at Hyde Park today and has written Elliott requesting an introduction.”
So formal. So very different from what she was used to. “What does your brother think?”
“I doubt he knows. I’ve been corresponding with his secretary. Elliott won’t get involved until it’s time to negotiate the marriage settlement.”
Naturally. She should have realized that, but there was so much to remember. “What do you think?”
Diana grinned. “Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? It depends on what you prefer.”
So began a delightful hour spent in gossip. Diana had plenty of tales of who was accounted sensible, who was not, and who was overly fond of hunting or had bad breath. Some of the gentlemen on the list frequented the Lyon’s Den, and several more had been the topic of conversation inside the Den. The two ladies talked with animation and much laughter, and Amber began to see the girl Diana must have been before her forced marriage to a sickly man, back when she’d been full of life. She was undoubtedly a beautiful woman when she smiled.
But then Diana gasped as she looked at the clock on the mantle. “Goodness, we must get dressed now if we’re to make the luncheon. But I must send the acceptances for tonight. Will it be the theater or the ball?”
“Which one will your brother likely attend? Do we need his escort?”
“We do not, and I think he’ll be at the ball. By showing up at Almack’s last night, he announced that he’s looking for a bride. Much easier to hunt for a woman at the balls.”
Good thing that Diana had no idea how much her words cut straight through Amber’s heart. Not only was Elliott unwilling to wed her, but he was now hunting for a different girl, one with a pedigree and a family of political influence. She wondered if he had a list akin to the one Diana had made. One where the girls were ranked in order and noted with things about teeth and unappealing habits.