Just. A. Kiss.
A week, a day, an hour ago, I’d never have believed I do anything other than back away.
What’s changed? Maybe it’s the realisation I’m not totally weak. Not when I have the power to affect this devastatingly handsome man standing in front of me.
The question is, is he strong where it counts? Does he have command over his desires?
I could let Major continue to ruin my future, or, I could go for what deep down I want.
I could trust Mace.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Mace
First base, I’d suggested.
Too much, too soon?
I’d got a chubby earlier from just staring at her ass. I think she noticed, yet she’s still here. Maybe she’s not offended, or worse, scared.
What is she going to say? I wonder, as she looks away, and then toward me again. I read her face carefully. At the first sign of unease, I’ll back away fast.
She licks her lips. Hardly daring to breathe, I take a step toward her, then another, slowly, like a cat stalking prey, not wanting to scare her away. Placing my fingers under her chin, I use the soft touch to turn her face up. “I like you Shay,” I finally admit. “Not asking for more, but I’d really like to kiss you. That’s if you want that to.”
“Can I say no?”
“Of course.” I’m shocked, disappointed. I’d thought I’d been making headway.
“You wouldn’t push me for more? I don’t want to mislead you, Mace. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready for that.”
Perhaps it’s not a no she doesn’t want to kiss me at all, but she’s just testing the waters out?
“Shay, darlin’. I know what you’ve been through. I know you’ve still got that asshole’s name on your back. I’m so fuckin’ conscious that you never want to feel trapped again.” Seeing I’ve got her attention, I smooth my hand over my beard, while struggling to find the right words to say. “Getting a girl to fuck has never been hard for me. I don’t just mean the club girls who are there for that anyway, but my bike, this cut... Before then, my uniform and people knowing I served.” My shoulders rise, then I let them fall. “Whatever, but I could get a girl who just wanted to experience a bad boy in their bed whenever I wanted it.”
She bristles. “You’re telling me you expect me to drop my panties for you?”
“No,” I refute fast, seeing she’s looking like taking a step back. “I’m explaining I’ve never had to work for sex in my life. I know you’re not going to be easy. I know because of everything you’ve been through, I’ve got to go slower than I’ve ever gone before. I accept I might not even get to my destination. Whether I do or not, that’s down to you, babe.”
“Stop, Mace.” Her head moves side to side. “I don’t know what I want.” Her arms go around her body as she hugs herself. “When I first got out, I never wanted a man to touch me ever again in my whole life, let alone talk about me in possessive tones. I never wanted him to refer to me as ‘mine’, never wanted to be someone’s again.”
“Shay…”
“Hear me out?” she pleads. When I nod, she resumes. “For the last few months all I was doing was existing. Trying to keep Esme and myself safe, moving around. Trying to get cash without selling my body. I had no chance to think about me, what I wanted or what my future would look like. Not a good track record is it? Staying with a man who it turns out was an ass, then being stolen by Major.”
“Not your fault, Shayla.”
“Isn’t it?”
Oh, fuck me. She’s got tears in her eyes.
“Babe,” I start, but again she stops me.
“You brought me to the compound. Made me see there was a different life. Sure, there are the club girls, but even I can see they’re here because they want to be, and the men are never cruel or hurt them.”
I may get a twinge of guilt as the thought of ginger enters my mind. But even then, we made sure the girls enjoyed it.
“Then there are the old ladies. They wear property patches, but they’re not owned. They’re happy, loved and seem to have the kind of relationship I dreamed of growing up.”
I’m glad we’ve made a good impression on her. But I’ve got to come clean. “I’m not in the market for an old lady, Shay. Got to be upfront about that. But I’m prepared to work hard to help you learn to trust again. No idea where this will take us. If we ever get to that point, we might be together one night and hate each other. It might last a week, a month, hell, even a year. I can’t promise more, I don’t see myself as a forever man.” Neither did Ink, I remember quickly, and look at him now. No one could doubt his commitment to Beth. Lizard though, Liz had always vowed he’d be happy living out his days as a single man, but now he seems over the moon he’s got a family. I consider myself lucky I don’t have a wife and kid waiting in the wings.
“You’re honest,” she tells me.
“Could you say anything different, Shay? Do you really think you could look at a man and want him to be yours forever? Hell, I suppose I should ask whether you could ever consider having a man like me in your bed with what you’ve been through.”
She huffs a laugh. “I doubt you need me or anyone to tell you what a handsome man you are. Add on that bad boy image,” she winks, “and I’d be crazy not to want to jump your bones.”
“Do you?” I ask, optimistically.
Her head tilts to one side as she stares at me. “Right now? No.” Her voice drops and becomes husky. “I never thought I’d be saying this, but out of anyone I could meet, in time, I think maybe you’d be the one who’d have a chance to persuade me.”
I know the gift she’s giving me with those words. She’s giving me hope. Shayla in my bed? It would be a fucking dream come true.
It’s more than her glorious ass and tits. There’s just something about this woman. Her inner strength which I doubt she recognises, the way she put the needs of a child who wasn’t hers in front of her own, the job she does so competently in a masculine world, and the way she’s come through what she has, suggests I don’t fucking deserve her. But if I get my chance, I’ll keep her for myself until whatever I’m feeling burns out.
“So, that ride out? Lunch?” I prompt her.
She grins. “I could eat.”
So could I. But I doubt we’re discussing the same items I’d like to see on a menu.
The only person I’ve taken on the back of my bike has been Cas. Seems I’m about to start making a habit of it now. I find the spare helmet he’d used, make sure it’s a comfortable fit, then lead her to where I’d parked my bike. Most of the paintwork is done now, and that stallion rearing is an incredible sight. Ink’s just got some final touching up to do.
“Esme’s going to love that.” Shayla’s eyes open wide. I hope the kid does. Ink has done amazing work, and I’m fucking pleased with it.
“She going to remember drawing it?” I frown, wondering if Esme will realise the significance.