Now that she’s gone and I’m not long to follow, I’d like you to have them.
Give them to a woman like my Hope. She was smart and brave. She laughed through the good times and made me laugh through the bad. She was the soul on earth I was made to find.
I left a picture of her beside my bed. Wasn’t she a beauty? One look at her and the world made sense.
Take care of yourself. And I’ll thank you in advance for taking care of these for Hope. I trust you’ll give them to someone special. You always had good taste in girls. I suspect that won’t change.
Lou
* * *
I read it twice. Three times. And my heart ached so badly I could barely breathe.
It was an elegant letter for a man who’d mostly spoken in grunts. Refolding the paper, I returned it to the envelope, tucking it carefully inside. Then I took the box and pried the lid open.
The center jewel on the engagement ring was a deep grayish blue, the color of the ocean on a stormy day. It was accented by tiny diamonds on each side. The white jewels were arranged without a pattern, like leaves beneath a flower. The white gold band was smooth and shiny. It matched the simple wedding ring beneath.
“Damn, Lou.” I pulled the ring from the box, holding it up to catch the light. “This was his wife’s ring.”
Clara didn’t respond. She was too busy staring at the ring pinched between her own fingers.
It was Lou’s wedding band. I didn’t have to ask to know. And I suspected Clara’s letter was also about Hope.
A tear dripped down her cheek, snapping her out of her trance. She blinked her eyes clear and swiped at her face. Then she refolded her letter and put it away. “I’ll send the others their letters and boxes when I get home.”
“Thanks.” I put Hope’s ring away, then shoved the box into my pocket. Then I took the letter and stood, needing a minute to let Lou’s words sink in.
The timing of this had me reeling. Two months ago, that letter would have meant something else entirely.
“I’m going to go,” I said. “Good night.”
“Good night,” she whispered.
I was almost to the door when she stopped me again.
“Does Holly know about us? About what happened in the past?”
My shoulders fell and I turned. “No.”
She got up from the table and walked closer. “Aria never knew about us either. I always wondered if she did, but she never said anything.”
“You didn’t tell her? Why?”
“Because you were mine. You were the one thing I didn’t want to share. With anyone.” Her confession rocked me to my heels. “Why didn’t you tell Holly?”
“Because I fucked up,” I admitted, the weight of Lou’s letter settling on my shoulders.
“What do you mean?”
“I should have gone with you to Las Vegas.”
A fresh sheen of tears flooded her eyes. “Sweet dreams, Karson.”
“Then I’ll dream of you.”
I shouldn’t have said it, but the words were unstoppable.
When I left, she let me go.
When the door closed, there was no turning back.
I drove the Cadillac home.
Chapter Fifteen
Karson
“It’s Clara, isn’t it?” There were tears in Holly’s eyes. “When you wake up in the middle of the night, it’s because of her.”
“Yes, it is.”
Years of sleepless nights and it was almost always because of Clara. I’d dream that she was hurt. I’d dream that she was calling my name, begging for help. I’d dream that she was drowning in the ocean or standing in the middle of a freeway, stuck between racing cars.
Other nights I’d simply hear her voice. I’d hear her laugh and kiss another man. And the fear that drove me awake was not that she was in danger. The fear was that I’d lost her to someone else.
For too long, I’d ignored it and hidden in work or travel or relocating to new cities. For a time, I’d been busy caring for my mother, who never had woken up from her coma. I’d gone to visit her in hospice nearly every day, speaking to the shell she’d once been.
No matter the current focus of my life, I’d kept Clara’s memory tucked into the quiet corners of my heart.
“Nothing happened,” I promised Holly.
The problem was that I wanted it to happen. I wanted Clara. No amount of time or distance would change those feelings. And Lou’s words had confirmed it all. With every sentence, I’d known the right choice. He’d entrusted Hope’s rings to my care, and they belonged to Clara.
Holly deserved the truth.
After I’d left Clara’s room, I’d called Holly and told her I was coming home. I’d asked her to wait up. Maybe she’d heard the breakup in my voice because when I’d come through the door, she’d been in the living room. Her backpack had been beside the door, closed and full. I suspected that the toothbrush she’d left here and the extra clothes were inside.
“I’m sorry, Holly.”
She sniffled and swallowed hard. “Is there anything I could have done?”
Christ, I hated this. I hated seeing hurt on her beautiful face, but she deserved to find the man who saw her and only her. “No.”
“Ouch. I thought . . . I thought we had a chance.”
I opened my mouth to apologize again, but she was already gone, standing from the couch and hurrying across the living room.
I followed, standing by as she picked up her backpack and purse. Then she closed the distance between us, raised up on her toes to kiss my cheek. “Goodbye, Karson.”
“Goodbye, Holly.”
She slipped out of the door without a backward glance.
I didn’t move until the lights from her headlights had vanished. Then I bolted for the door myself, flinging it open and whipping it closed behind me as I ran for the Cadillac.
The roads to Temecula were nearly deserted as I raced to my Clara.
The hotel lobby was empty and dark. The front desk clerk side-eyed me as I jogged through the lobby for the elevator. The slow ride to our floor was torture.
It had been over three hours since I’d bid Clara good night. Was she still awake? I checked the time on my phone as I strode down the hallway toward her room. It was after midnight. She was probably asleep behind that closed door, but there was no way I was waiting until morning. “Fuck it.”
I knocked lightly, waiting. If she didn’t answer, I’d call. I shifted from one foot to the other, my breath lodged in my chest.
Then there was a click and the slide of a chain. Clara opened the door, wearing a pale pink silk camisole and matching sleep shorts with a lace hem. Her hair was loose, draped over her bare shoulders. But she hadn’t been sleeping. There was red rimming her eyes and her cheeks were splotchy.
She’d been crying.
Lou’s words clicked into place.
One look at her and the world made sense.
“I love you.”
Clara gasped, her body tensing. “W-what?”
Smooth, Karson. I hadn’t meant to just blurt those three words but now that they were out there, I might as well just go with it. “I love you.”