My heart wants to surrender to her. My head keeps reminding me that I’m not ready to be with anyone. Let alone her.
The ambiguity couldn’t be clearer—or more confusing.
That’s Olivia Evelyn to me.
The most beautiful chaos who might be best to admire from afar.
Which is why I’m sticking to talking about safe subjects from now on. Liv and I have been texting since I made my way through the airport security checkpoint. We’ve been discussing her new position and my new business. I want to make sure I follow her vision. It’s important to me that she has some input.
“What kind of proposal?”
I move my gaze from the monitor toward her. “A business proposal.”
She narrows her gaze. “Another one? I thought you were giving up.”
“Do you want me to give up?” I lift my mug.
“No. I’m the one who said do some research and find something you’d really like to do.”
“Well, that’s what I’m doing.” I drink my coffee.
She bobs her head a couple of times. “Do you use sex toys or masturbate with your hands?”
I spit the coffee all over my computer and my monitor. “Fuck, Persephone. Can you at least give me a warning that you’re about to be inappropriate?”
She gestures her hands as if she’s about to choke me. “Didn’t I just tell you I’m doing research?”
“That can mean so many things with you,” I say as I clean my computer and the table. “What is this nonsense for?”
“Next week’s podcast. I got an email from a listener asking if I had any recommendations for male toys.”
I blink a couple of times. “You’re not going to leave until I answer, are you?”
She grins.
Eros: Hey, she needs me to answer a few questions. This might take longer than I thought.
Liv: Is this for her podcast?
Eros: NO!
Liv: I’m so looking forward to hearing what her brother did this time.
Eros: How do you know?
Liv: I’ve been listening to her podcast. I’m on season 2, week 29.
Eros: I regret telling you about it.
Liv: I’m loving it. Your family is a hoot. I feel like I know everyone. Is it true that you caught your parents having sex in the back of your car?
Eros: Ironic, isn’t it?
Liv: Hilarious. I’m sorry about her breakup with Ian. They looked like a cute couple.
Eros: Liv, did you stalk my sister?
Liv: I was bored. While I listened to her podcast, I read her blog and looked at her pictures on social media. You seem to have a great relationship with her.
Eros: If you don’t count the times I want to wring her neck.
Liv: I’ll be around when you’re ready.
I close my laptop and look at Persy. “Honestly, it’s the first time I’m aware that there are sex toys for men.”
She twists her lips and types on her phone. “How many times have you played with sex toys?”
“By myself, never. I might’ve done it once with a woman I dated in New York,” I answer.
She taps the table. “How often do you have one-night stands?”
“Not as often as you think,” I answer vaguely.
My sisters want me to settle down. I don’t have time for that. Sometimes I just need to tell them that I like to play the field. Let’s be honest, I don’t have the time or the money to be playing anything. Dating is expensive and time consuming. I am not in the market to waste either one for something frivolous. That’s something I allowed myself to do in my mid-twenties, and even then, I didn’t do it as much as I bragged.
“So, you’re not too adventurous in bed,” she concludes.
The memories of everything I did with Liv the past few days come to mind. Not using a condom was in a way more adventurous than having sex on the balcony. We explored things she’s never done. Things neither one of us had tried before. I told her about the book I bought my parents—Sixtysutra, Kamasutra for seniors. We googled the regular poses. I wish I had had more time to try all of them.
“How can you measure how adventurous people are?” I challenge her. “Do sexologists test couples and individuals? I didn’t know you had a kink, Persephone. No wonder you enjoy your job.”
“You’re an idiot.” She huffs.
“I’m right. You can’t measure it.”
“Well, some might say that those who are into threesomes, orgies, or swinging are adventurous. While others consider using toys with partners or by themselves just as bold.” She leans closer. “Which category are you in?”
“Neither.”
“I need to place you in one of those,” she insists.
“Why do I have the feeling that you’re going to portray me on your show as something I’m not?”
“Because women love to know about my brother’s love life—even if I have to make something up,” she says, tapping her phone. “Let’s talk about the last woman you were with. How long did you wait before having sex with her?”
“I refuse to answer.”
“Why? It’s not like she’d know.” She arches an eyebrow. “She’d know that you told me, wouldn’t she?”
“What have you been posting about me?”
She shrugs. “Nothing you haven’t authorized before. It’s like today. I ask questions. You respond to them. If I don’t like it, I tell you what I’m going to say. Then, I discuss everything with my audience.”
“And you want to tell your audience that I have my own toy collection?”
“Listen, I might get a few sponsors that will offer to pay us if you try their products. What do you think?”
“No.”
“I’ll give you the money they pay,” she offers.
I rub my chin. “How much are we talking about here?”
“It depends. Sheila gets twenty percent of that, but I can give you the rest,” she offers. “You’ll just have to report how you used them.”
Before I can answer, the main door opens, and it’s Nyx. She points at me. “Where have you been?”
“The last time I checked, here,” I respond vaguely.
“No, you weren’t here all week. I’ve been calling you since last Friday, and you’ve been sending me to voicemail.” She shows me the house keys. “I came to check on you, and your car was gone. All week.”
“Stalker much?”
“Eros, where were you?” she insists.
“Out of town.”
“And you didn’t tell us?” Persy asks, surprised.
“Why did you leave?” Nyx crosses her arms.
“I didn’t know I was grounded, Mom.”
“You and Persy were ignoring my calls,” she complains. “I ended up co-signing Callie’s lease.”
“Don’t blame me,” Persy defends herself. “I already told you, you shouldn’t have done it.”
“Aren’t you living with her?” I ask Persy, confused. “How come she couldn’t find you?”
“I was in LA with Sheila,” she responds. “I did answer her phone call and told her not to sign that lease. She didn’t listen.”