Looking back now, maybe the small crush I’d had on him by then was obvious. Maybe that was his way of drawing a line. But he never, ever forgot about the pact regardless of how I’d started to feel for the selfless person he was.
Aiden breaks the train of thought I become lost in to say, “Deals are meant to be broken sometimes, but loyalty never is.”
His low tone has me clenching my hands into fists and squeezing. “Who says I’m loyal to you, Aiden Griffith?”
The slowest, most calculated smile forms on his face, making an eerie feeling creep into my chest and wrap around the beating organ that drums in my ribcage. “Baby, I don’t think you’ve ever stopped.”
My throat closes up at his purred baby.
We face off like that until someone clears their throat, and even then, neither of us wants to break the staring contest. It’s Aiden who rips his eyes away first, yet I feel no sense of victory or accomplishment from the small win.
Because Aiden may be right.
I’m not sure if that pisses me off or scares me more, but something tells me I’ll find out soon enough.
It’s drizzling again as I speed walk through campus to get to my last class of the day. I had to miss the first two because I barely had any energy to get out of bed. Usually, I can push past the exhaustion and make do, but I couldn’t even shove the blanket off me when my alarm squawked bright and early.
I know I’ll regret not attending morning courses since there’s nobody in them I can ask for notes. I’ll have to email my professors about what I missed, which I already know won’t go over well. We all got the same “you are adults now” lecture on day one. If you miss a class, you’re responsible for making up the content.
I’m glancing down at my phone when all of a sudden a hand hooks around my arm and yanks me under an awning between two academic buildings. Instantly, my opposite arm reacts in defense. I swing it as fast and as hard as I can toward the person responsible until a strong hand stops me mere inches from his face.
“What the fuck, Aiden!” I drop my arm once I realize it’s him, my heart not calming any from the rapid beating it’s doing in response to his move. It’s a good thing he has killer reflexes because I’ve learned how to pack a punch. “You never grab a woman like that.”
“I called out to you,” he says, gesturing toward my phone. “But you weren’t paying attention. And where the hell is your umbrella?”
My…? “I don’t have one. And you still don’t grab people. I know your mom taught you better than that.”
He deadpans over the mention of his mother. I’ve always loved Emily Griffith for putting him in his place. She never shied away from scolding him if he did something she didn’t approve of. “Life is about learning,” she always told us. “Even if it means messing up and making mistakes in order to figure things out.”
And I’ve definitely made plenty of those.
Aiden says, “DJ mentioned you weren’t in class today. I was worried.”
He was worried.
About me.
“And you’re pale,” he notes, scoping out my face, then the rest of me. I didn’t even bother with much makeup other than lipstick. Trying to keep my shaky hands steady enough to apply my liner and mascara was too much.
I sigh, knowing he won’t relent. “I’m a little worn down. Haven’t been sleeping well. And before you get your panties in a twist, it’s just insomnia.” He goes to speak, but I cut him off before he does. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Or were you randomly lurking here hoping I’d show up? Because that’s pretty creepy if you were.”
His eyes go to the passing students, some walking in raincoats and boots without a care of the weather, and some speeding like I was because they’re not well equipped. At least it’s not too cold. There’s nothing worse than a chilly rain icing everything over once the sun goes down.
Aiden leans against the wall of the brick building behind him. It’s the first thing I noticed about Lindon. Everything is styled the same. Brick, wood, and cobblestone make up most of the buildings and they’re all structured to conform to the designer’s whims. It’s a cute little campus, warm, small, and easy to navigate, but nothing special. Maybe that’s why I like it so much. There are no surprises here. Well, at least there weren’t until Aiden walked into Bea’s Bakery. “I was on my way to the gym when I saw you walking, so I figured I’d wait to see if everything is okay.”
He always does that. Concerns himself with me when I’ve proven time and time again I’m not worth his time. “Aiden…”
“Can’t I do that? Check in?”
My gaze drops to the ground. Rock salt and dirt cover the broken pavement. “You can, I just don’t understand why you’d want to.”
Two fingers tilt my chin up to meet a set of deep blue eyes. They burn as they lock with mine, making it hard to break contact. “When are you going to get it through your head that we’re always going to have a past, Ivy? We were friends for a long time, and I swore I’d be your friend for life.”
Pain strikes me, weaving into every possible nook and cranny it can. “But people lose touch all the time. Friendships fade. I’ve done things that—”
“I don’t care about what you’ve done.” There’s an edge to his voice that says he’s lying, but he doesn’t address it. “I care about what you do now that we have each other again. I’m determined to prove that to you.”
A moment passes. “How?”
“However I can.” His answer is instant, making me blink slowly a few times as if his determination will somehow disappear with the flicker of my lashes. “You never questioned me when we were younger. Why start now? Why not believe in me?”
My emotions threaten to choke me, but I manage to swallow them. “Because I know what people are capable of now. I’m not naïve anymore.”
Hurt drowns his eyes as if I’ve personally wounded him. “I’m not going to hurt you, Ivy. I never have. What makes you think now is any different?”
Because now I don’t think I’d be able to walk away from you, and I’m scared of what that means for me.
I’ve always mapped an escape route. I like having a plan, knowing where to go if the time arises. It’s how I’ve survived the past four years—fight or flight.
I fight the feelings that take over my stomach and wrap around my ribcage and wait for the moment I bolt before I can let them win.
Aiden makes me feel that way.
Anxious.
Needy.
Unsettled and settled at the same time.
Seeing him after all this time hasn’t changed that, and it should have. Four years has molded who I am, what I believe in, and how I view the world.
So why hasn’t it changed how I feel about the boy who used to be my best friend?
“I’m protecting myself,” I tell him honestly, knowing there’s no room for lying if he wants to understand. “You should do the same. I’m Chaos, remember? I mess everything up. I hurt you. I left. I—”
He steps toward me, crowding my space with his large body and making the words lodge in my throat. His arms go to the wall on either side of my body, caging me between him and the building against my back. The brick is scratching my head as I look up to see his serious expression pinning me to my spot in a challenge, like he’s daring me to try moving away.