“’Cause of you.”
“Because of me,” she echoed. “I feel guilty about that.”
Fuck. Sig had given up what he needed, what kept his sanity somewhat level, for her. So, her guilt wasn’t unexpected. “You shouldn’t.” Her ol’ man was trying other ways to fill that need. Some helped, some didn’t. That was how much the man loved her. How much he lived for her.
“Maybe. But I do. I sometimes think I should let him have that.”
Yeah, her guilt was so fucking thick, he could almost taste it. “But you don’t.”
“I don’t because if I did, the guilt would eat at him. I think it would make what haunts him worse. It might even destroy him.”
“He wants to be loyal to you.”
“Yes. Even if it hurts him.”
“Even if it hurts him if he’s not.”
“It’ll hurt both of us if he’s not,” she whispered.
And there was the problem. They were damned if Sig did, damned if he didn’t.
The sadness in her voice pained him. This was not a woman who let herself wallow. She had spent over a year in a dark place some might not have survived and once she found the light, she embraced it and usually didn’t let anything dim it.
“He loves you. Would do anythin’ for you.” Sig would die for her, but Shade saw no point in mentioning that. Red knew her ol’ man would give his life up in a heartbeat for her.
“I feel the same.” She leaned her head against his bicep and sighed. “I wish life was easier for all of us.”
She wasn’t the only one.
“Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I’m here if you need me. If you need to talk.” She lifted her head from his arm and tipped her face up to his. “I don’t know where you disappear to at night, Sig won’t tell me, but I can guess.”
Fuck. “Autumn...”
“Just be careful, please. That’s all I ask. Because if I ask you to stop, I know that request will go ignored.”
He wanted to explain but couldn’t. The plan with the Shirley Clan wasn’t to be discussed. Not with anyone. Not even one of their victims.
“I told him I didn’t want anyone going back up there. Not ever. Then what happened with Dyna... You guys weren’t given that choice...”
Just like that, in a blink of an eye, Red vanished. Physically she still sat right next to him. But her eyes went distant, her expression empty and she disappeared inside her head.
She was gone. To wherever she went.
Unfortunately, he had an idea where.
It still happened to her a lot. Probably more often than she or Sig would like. Something else in a long list of things no one talked about. They were all used to it and Sig usually knew how to draw her back.
Most times she snapped out of it on her own, like when the door from the bunkhouse opened again and who he expected to walk through it did. The man’s eyes landed immediately on his ol’ lady. As he approached, Shade saw Sig’s teeth were clenched tightly and a muscle was jumping in his cheek.
Like his brother Trip, Sig’s temper was easily ignited. Seeing his woman with another man, no matter how innocent, could light that fuse without a match.
Sig knew whose heart Red belonged to. The VP also knew it wasn’t like that between Shade and Autumn.
Sig was also aware the woman had a way about her that drew Shade. She wasn’t as loud as some of the other ol’ ladies but she was more of a quiet strength. One Sig drew from. One Shade drew from, too, just not in the same way as the VP.
But that didn’t mean Sig liked it. His demeanor clearly said he didn’t.
Sig had claimed his woman. And no one would threaten that claim, real or imagined.
Red gave Shade a soft smile and unfolded herself from the bench. Her gaze dropped briefly to the wide black leather band that circled his left wrist as she said, “If you need me, I’m here. Please remember that.”
As Sig approached, his body tight, Red turned to face him. “Couldn’t find you,” he growled.
“I came down to grab something from the kitchen and heard a noise in here. I thought everyone was at Crazy Pete’s, so I came to see what it was.”
Sig’s brown eyes sliced from his ol’ lady to Shade. “Shoulda came and got me.” His words were for Red, but his low snarl was for Shade.
Red wrapped an arm around Sig’s waist and patted his chest. “I’m not a prisoner, remember?”
The anger quickly drained from Sig’s face and concern replaced it. “Shit’s still not settled with the Shirleys. Don’t need you wanderin’ down here without me knowin’.”
While that might be part of the reason, that wasn’t everything. But Red had a way of making her man see reason. That way was also pretty damn effective.
“I’m sorry for making you worry. I was only keeping Shade company for a few minutes. I’m allowed to do that since he’s family,” she reminded him with a pointed look.
Sig tipped his head down to her, opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. He blew air out of his nostrils and gave her a little nod.
Crisis averted.
He didn’t fault Sig for being possessive of Red. He lost her once, he wasn’t losing her again, whether that threat came from inside the club or outside. But he should also realize, every fucking one of his brothers knew the two of them were meant to be together and would never fuck with that.
One day Sig might realize it, today was not that day.
Tomorrow probably wouldn’t be, either.
It took a long time to mentally reprogram and the three people currently in The Barn knew that better than anyone.
Sig dropped an arm around Red’s shoulders, gave Shade a chin lift and turned his woman back toward the door.
He wouldn’t mention it now in front of Sig, but when he got a chance, he’d tell Red he appreciated her offer. He’d never take her up on it, but it was nice to know it was there.
“Goodnight, Shade,” she called over her shoulder as Sig steered her out of church.
“’Night, Red, Sig,” he called back.
Sig’s answering grunt as the door closed made Shade grin.
He lost that grin when he glanced down at his left wrist again. He untied the leather cord that secured the wide leather strip and unwrapped the wristband. He ran his thumb over the thin raised line.
Red had no reason to worry about him.
No reason at all.
Chapter Twelve
Julian dove under the bed and quickly shimmied on his belly all the way to the wall. As the heavy footsteps came down the hallway and his name was being bellowed, he curled into himself, trying to become as small as possible.
It wouldn’t work. It never did.
He was always found. Always.
But if he could put it off even for a few minutes...
Just a few...
The door opened so violently, it slammed into the springy thing at the bottom of the wall and made it twang loudly, causing Julian to jump and bite back a whimper.
His heart was now in his throat, making it difficult for him to swallow. Making it difficult for him to breathe.
The boots came closer. If he opened his eyes, he was sure they’d be next to the bed.
Fury shifted the air around him, the violent energy finding its way all the way down to the floor and under the bed.