But he’d always kept it long. It began to grow out of control after that day in the mall parking lot. No one ever cut it. Not one of them. They let it go. They loved the length. The curls. The way they could manipulate his head by using his hair. The way they could use it as a leash. The way they could use it to dole out pain and, on a rare occasion, pleasure.
At seventeen he had it shorn down to the scalp, so no one could control him with his hair again. But he hated it. He felt too exposed without hair. He immediately let it grow again until it felt comfortable. Until he went back to feeling like himself.
Or at least, who he thought he was.
By growing it back out, he took that control back. Not letting them rule his life in any way. If he wanted it long, he would keep it long. No one else would dictate the length.
Fuck them all.
Even though he preferred it long, he never wanted anyone touching it.
Never again.
Angel, one of the sweet butts, tried to touch it one night and he almost broke her wrist. He didn’t realize how tightly he had a hold of her until she began to cry.
Sig wasn’t happy that he’d left a bruise on one of the sweet butts when she hadn’t asked for it. The VP said that if Shade needed to create bruises to get off to find a woman who was willing to take them.
That wasn’t what it was about, but he didn’t bother to explain it to Sig. Shade let it go. So did Angel, but she never tried to touch his hair again.
For some unexplainable reason, he wanted the woman standing before him to touch it. To run her fingers through it.
He wanted to see his loose curls against her tits when he sucked them. Against her thighs when he touched her down there with his mouth, too. He wanted his hair to curtain around their faces as he sunk his dick deep inside her, so it was just her and him, hiding from the rest of the world. Her wet warmth surrounding him, comforting him.
Giving him solace and peace.
Something sex had never done for him before.
It was strange...
He believed being with her would give him that.
He had no idea why.
He just knew.
Her lips parted and her eyes widened slightly behind her lenses, her pupils dilating. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but he did.
Even from where he stood, he could see the rapid pulse in her neck as she swallowed, and the change in the pace her chest rose and fell.
He flared his nostrils and inhaled slowly, deeply, to pick up the slight change in her scent.
Subtle. For him.
A reaction to his attention.
She was fighting it. As she should.
He was only there for a job.
Her now permanently sleeping cat.
Her body jerked sharply, their gazes broke and they were both pulled from the strange spell when Cassie’s voice invaded his head. “Uh... Shawn?”
He forced himself to glance her way. She was still sitting on the floor, but now frowning up at him.
“Shawn... Can you take Pumpkin out to the van?”
Usually the family spent time with the pet after it was gone. Talking. Petting. Crying.
Had they done that already?
Had he been so lost in her he hadn’t noticed how the time had slipped away?
He gave Cassie a nod and took the cat from the older daughter’s arms. It was still warm, the body still flexible, but even wrapped in the blanket he could tell it had been mostly skin and bones.
It seemed like that was what happened to old pets, they began to wither away to nothing. Eventually they’d probably turn to dust, but Cassie helped them get there quicker. Didn’t let them suffer any longer than necessary.
He knew Chelle followed on his heels, because he could pick up her scent swirling around them in the air as they walked. Nothing heavy. Nothing floral. But more like...
Vanilla, maybe.
Cinnamon.
Apple pie?
Mixed with the slightest scent of woman. A woman who was enjoying what a man was doing to her.
Not the scent of fear.
Had he caused her arousal?
He ignored it and kept moving but as he reached the front door, she pushed past him, her arm brushing his. She opened the door for him, not looking at what he carried in his arms, but staring at him instead.
Trying to figure him out.
Trying to see what lurked inside him.
He wasn’t worried she’d succeed. No one ever had.
She cleared her throat and that movement under the delicate skin of her long neck caught his attention.
Fuck. He wanted to touch her throat. He tightened his grip on the cat to avoid doing just that.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t have a chance for a last goodbye,” she said in a broken whisper.
He kept his voice low, too. “Didn’t wanna break down in front of your girls.”
Relief from his understanding filled her eyes. “No.”
He jerked his chin toward the road. “At the van. Away from the house.”
She nodded and once they stepped outside, she closed the door behind her.
He hoped Cassie stayed with the girls a little longer. They’d need her. Then they’d need their mother.
That meant his time with Chelle was limited.
He strode quickly to the back of the van and she followed right behind him.
When he got there, he opened one side of the back double doors, then turned. “Wanna hold him? Or you want me to put him down?”
“If you could hold him, please. I’ll say a quick goodbye.”
He didn’t understand the point of saying goodbye once something stopped breathing, but he let her have this. It was what she needed.
It also gave him a few more minutes with her. Something he needed.
She uncovered the cat’s head and leaned in, her reddish-blonde hair brushing against his chest, sweeping over his arms. Tempting him.
He wanted to rub the silky strands between his fingers, lift them to his nose.
“Goodbye, Pumpkin. You’ve been a good boy.” She kissed its head.
You’ve been a good boy...
No. Not now.
Shade did his best not to grimace. Not because of what she said, but because she put her lips on a dead animal. And not the kind served on a plate.
Her fingers wrapped around his forearm as she straightened and she stood closer than he normally liked, but her proximity didn’t bother him. In fact, he liked it.
He more than liked it. He wanted to be even closer. She wasn’t close enough.
“Thank you,” she whispered and her sob turned into a little hiccup.
Shade closed his eyes, concentrated really hard, and slowly recited the speech Cassie had taught him. “Thank you for choosin’ us in your time of need. If we can be of service in the future, please don’t hesitate to contact us.”
He opened his eyes to see Chelle frowning up at him.
Didn’t he get it right?
It sounded okay in his head. Which words did he screw up? Did he just show her how stupid he was?
Fuck. He should’ve let Cassie say that part. But he didn’t want Chelle walking away.
Not yet.
“I screw up?”
She reached under her glasses to wipe away a tear clinging to her long eyelashes with the back of her knuckle. But her lips were curved up slightly in an amused smile. “That sounded rehearsed.”
She didn’t say if he got any of the words wrong. “You understood?”
Surprise filled her brown eyes. “Yes, of course. You said it slowly enough. I understood you just fine. What you said, though, sounded like a canned response.”