What did I even say to the others?
‘Yeah, you know, it was a bit weird that he decided to kiss me. Hot. But definitely not his usual thing… Not sure why he did that.’
I nearly rolled my eyes at my internal monologue. This was why I avoided relationships—not because I wasn’t willing, but because I was so clearly awkward.
Keeping my arms crossed underneath my chest after sliding on my heels, I walked along the side pathway to enter back into the institute. Once again, we had nightmares getting out of our path, paling at the men behind me and making me almost smile. Didn’t they realize what softies they were? Apparently not.
Then again, I really did feel like that behavior was reserved for me.
Overall, I liked to think that most nightmares here liked me, or at least respected me. Maybe it was the fact that I didn’t really bother them all that much, or maybe it was because they understood that I legitimately wanted them here. There was only one group of nightmares that I knew didn’t like me, and those were the ones that were currently in solitary. I frowned, really hating that concept but knowing it was unavoidable since they were individuals that were extremely dangerous but refused to work with us, instead wanting to wreak havoc in the real world.
Everyone else though? I liked to think we were on good terms. Not that I ever had a chance to talk to them, because any time one of them attempted it, Razar or one of the others lost their shit.
“Bella.” Zain pulled me from zoning out. I stood in front of the elevator, staring at the foggy silver doors. When it rang open, I walked into the space and leaned against the back wall, moving my gaze down to the floor as anxiety began to invade my chest.
How was I going to handle this situation with Cy? I needed to talk to him. It didn’t help that Cy’s minty scent was filling the space from when he had no doubt taken the elevator up moments ago, making me want to wrap my arms around him. Did I go find him once I got to the dorm? Give him space?
Oddly enough, I didn’t have to figure that out, because as I made my way into the dorm, I found his door closed. Okay, then.
Muttering under my breath, I kicked off my heels and walked towards the kitchen, not knowing what to think and frankly deciding to probably put it off until after the mission. See? That was a solid plan.
I knew the guys had to get ready soon, but Razar still followed me into the kitchen as I opened the fridge and stared at the large stock of options. I could feel him staring at me, waiting for me to say something. Grabbing a small container of fresh fruit, I put it on the counter as Razar made a low, frustrated noise that had me looking up from my snack to his crimson gaze.
“What?” I asked curiously, popping a piece of watermelon in my mouth. Razar was examining my fruit bowl with a scowl, as if it personally offended him.
“I don’t feel like that has enough substance in it to count as a meal,” he pointed out, his critical eye making me smile.
I pressed a hand to his chest in a comforting movement. “I promise you I’ll eat a better dinner. You know it’s hard for me to eat the day you guys go on missions.”
Not to mention all the other shit on my mind.
“What shit?” Razar asked. I blinked and felt my chest tightening, realizing that I had just said that out loud. I shrugged and ate another piece of fruit so I wouldn’t have to talk. I turned towards the fridge to avoid his probing gaze, only to have him tug me back… but not with his hand.
I smiled in slight excitement as a familiar black icy tendril of magic wrapped around my waist and spun me back. His skin seemed to shift, the hint of the exoskeleton that he sometimes donned coming alive in flashes before his eyes turned completely black. My breathing went fast as I realized that we were essentially alone, everyone having wandered off to get ready, as I stood pinned between the counter and a fairly worked-up Razar. I guess today had upset him a bit more than he had let on.
A thrill of adrenaline had my skin breaking out in shivers as my center tightened, his gaze running over my face as if searching for any level of fear. I had no idea how to make it clear that was literally the opposite of how I felt. I think he figured it out, though, because his gaze dipped to my lips as I felt more icy, vine-like tendrils wrapped around my skin. My ankles, my waist, my arms were enveloped as I was pulled more squarely against him, my eyes widening at just how much I seemed to physically affect Razar. Heat surged through me like a wildfire, loving being held hostage as he let out a low growl in the back of his throat, dipping his head down as he spread his hands out on either side of me on the counter.
“Tell me,” he demanded, his patience clearly having run out. It didn’t help that he was no doubt on edge because of the mission tonight.
I tilted my chin up. “What shit is on my mind? I think that’s fairly obvious, Razar. It hasn’t exactly been a normal day.”
A low rumble broke from his throat as he seemed to attempt to retain his form, his hands gripping the counter behind me as my tongue darted out, watching his muscles strain. I inhaled sharply as he pressed further against me, his hardness causing my skin to break out in icy shivers, loving the feel of his magic against me.
“Because Cy kissed you?”
I pressed my lips together. “Amongst other things, but yes.”
“You are… upset he kissed you?” he asked, seemingly confused and angry at the notion.
“No.” I felt a small blush hit my cheeks.
“You wanted him to kiss you?”
“Well, yeah.” I caught my bottom lip between my teeth as his gaze heated, something seeming to occur to him as he tilted his head thoughtfully.
“Is he the only one you want to kiss you?” His voice was slightly cautious as I tried to keep up with the whiplash of him being worked-up to being more emotionally open and vulnerable. I mulled over his question as I saw curiosity but also something else in his gaze that had me answering truthfully.
“No.”
Razar inhaled sharply, but before he could say anything, his power snapped against him, a door opening up and leaving me feeling somewhat cold. I leaned back against the counter and grabbed another piece of watermelon, not bothering to look up at Damian, who was walking over. Razar’s struggle for control was far more interesting. I just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t give into this connection. It had been an ongoing conflict, and I had officially decided I was no longer imagining shit. I just needed to figure out what exactly was holding him back.
“Are we good here?” Damian mused, suddenly behind me on top of the counter, his hands sliding onto my shoulders as I adjusted myself so I was leaning between his long legs. Razar met my gaze again, seeming to decide something before pressing a kiss to my forehead and striding towards one of the spare rooms. I knew he kept some of his clothes down here for missions. Usually we were down here before they left anyway, so keeping spare uniforms here made sense.
I missed the feel of his magic against my skin.
“You good?” Damian asked as I tilted my head up, finding him looking down at me as his long fingers wrapped around my throat lightly. My eyes grew slightly heavy, and I made a noncommittal noise before nodding and pulling away, putting back the container in the fridge. Now was not the time to talk about all the issues I had with today. When I turned to face him, I remembered the other reason why mission day was hard.