With a final, desperate thrust, Jacob buried inside her a final time, his harsh groan vibrating around her. His hips pushed against her in several minute, hard jerks as she felt his shaft throb, pulse, his release pulling a hard grimace to his face before his eyes drifted closed.
“God help me, I love you,” he whispered. “To the depths of my soul, Sallie. I love you.”
Sallie collapsed beneath him, a final shudder working through her body before she felt the last of her strength ease from her limbs.
“To the depths of my soul,” she repeated his words, something setting inside her, finally easing the pain she’d held on to for so long. “Forever, Jacob. I love you.”
chapter twenty-one
That silence that filled the bedroom became nerve-racking, thick and heavy with unvoiced questions long minutes later.
Jacob lay on his side, her body tucked against him. He had one arm beneath her head, the other lying over her side, holding her in place. She knew what was coming. At least the bedroom was dark, her back to him, she didn’t have to face him with the shameful knowledge that she hadn’t been able to protect their child.
“I would have told you about the baby if I could have,” she whispered into the darkness. “I wanted to tell you, but I had no idea how to find you and no one seemed to know who you were.”
He was silent for long moments, but his hand moved, his fingers stroking over her stomach almost absently. Tears filled her eyes, the caressing touch, there, where their child had once laid, was ripping what was left of her heart into shreds.
“Why didn’t you sleep with him?” It wasn’t the question she expected.
“Because I didn’t love him,” she answered honestly. “I wasn’t in the least attracted to him. Then he and mother threatened you…”
The tension rose quickly.
“What made you think I needed your protection?” Bleak, dark fury filled his voice despite the fact that it never rose. “You keep trying to shield me from what’s going on with you. Do you think I’ll continue to tolerate it?”
“It didn’t matter,” she whispered painfully. “I wasn’t going to be the reason you were hurt then, any more than I want to be the reason now.”
“But you let me be the reason you married that fucker?” he growled at her ear, his hold tightening when she tried to roll away from him. “Stay still, goddammit. Answer my question. I won’t allow you to keep running.”
She tried to fight her tears, but one slid free, making a long track down her cheek as he held her to him.
“It was my choice to make. I had to do what I thought was best, and that was what I did.” She stared into the shadowed room, fighting the memories and the pain. “I can’t go back and change it.”
Just as she couldn’t go back and the save the baby she’d lost.
“I should put you over my knee and paddle your ass. Goddammit, Sallie. Tell me why.”
A sob escaped, despite her frantic attempt to halt it.
“Because I loved you.” Her fingers gripped the sheet desperately as she fought to keep from screaming in anger. “Because I’d lost enough, and I couldn’t bear to be responsible for hurting you.”
She had to fight to keep from breaking down, to keep from screaming out her rage and pain. She’d been so overwhelmed with the loss of their child that she would have done anything to keep Jacob from knowing, on the chance that it would hurt him as deeply.
The man she had loved couldn’t be so hard-hearted as to not grieve for his child, she’d told herself. Leaving her and not loving her didn’t mean his child wouldn’t matter.
She’d been so young, so naïve and alone, away from Sister Rebecca and her friends, terrified her mother would do as she threatened and find a way to destroy the man she loved. And she had been terrified of marrying someone she didn’t know.
Jacob held her closer, tucked her head beneath his chin, and fought the black, vicious anger raging inside him.
Because she loved him.
She’d given him her virginity, loved him, lost their child, and married to protect him, and he’d been oblivious to it. He’d forgotten her. And the partner he’d trusted to have his back hadn’t just lied to her, but blackmailed her into marriage.
“You can’t save the world, baby,” he told her, hating the knowledge that she’d loved him enough to try to protect him. “Sacrificing yourself is never an acceptable answer.” But he knew he’d sacrifice himself for her, easily.
“I thought you didn’t want me when you didn’t come back.” The vulnerability in her soft voice threatened to break him. “When I came here and we met again, you didn’t remember me. Your name was different, you even moved and acted differently. I guessed then that you must have been an agent of some sort when you were in Switzerland.”
“Why didn’t you say something, Sallie?” he growled. “Why, baby? You’ve been here for three years and never said anything.”
He felt a shudder work through her and the soft hitch of her breath, the sob she was hiding.
“I didn’t know about the explosion,” she said, those tears she refused to shed roughening her voice. “I thought you hadn’t cared enough to remember me.”
“You lived in my dreams nightly.” He turned her to him, rising above her as he cupped her cheek in his palm and stared down at her, seeing the years of loss and pain in her expression as she stared up at him.
The room was dark, but there was enough moonlight peeking through the edge of the curtains to illuminate her face enough to read the emotions she normally kept hidden. “I was only existing until I had you in my arms again, baby.”
Brain trauma and lost memories would have to be tricky. She was part of a week he’d lost that held information regarding a deadly group, a traitor, one that threatened him through her. And he was a good man. A loyal, fiercely protective man. He’d feel responsible for her, feel it was in his place to protect her. It wouldn’t have to be emotional for him, not really personal, just a piece of the puzzle that he needed to figure out what happened that week.
She nearly lost the battle with her tears as his palm moved from her face, caressing along her side then to her lower stomach, where he flattened his hand where their child had once lain.
“Protection didn’t work the last time,” he told her. “You left Switzerland carrying my baby. It won’t work this time. I won’t lose you again. And by God, you will not face carrying our baby, or raising it alone. You’re mine, Sallie. Just as I’m yours.”
“Always yours, Jacob.” She touched his face, met the determination in his gaze, and knew, all the way to her soul, she’d finally come home. “Always…”
ALSO BY LORA LEIGH
Rugged Texas Cowboy
THE BRUTE FORCE SERIES
Collision Point
Dagger’s Edge
Lethal Nights
THE MEN OF SUMMER
Hot Shot
Dirty Little Lies
Wicked Lies
THE CALLAHANS
Midnight Sins
Deadly Sins
Secret Sins
Ultimate Sins
THE ELITE OPS
Live Wire
Renegade