And yet, a few days spent in Harrison’s company and she had done the unthinkable.
“Maddie,” he growled, his eyes narrowing on her. “You must break it off.”
“You must let me think!” she shouted. “Unlike you, I cannot make a rash decision. For God’s sake, you have turned my life upside down in a matter of days. I must catch my breath for a minute.”
“I won’t let you marry him.”
“It is not up to you. Stop being selfish.”
“Hardly selfish when I have your best interests in mind. He only wants your money. I only want you.”
Her heart soaked up the declaration, but this was not the time to let that traitorous organ rule her life. She had to remain logical about what came next. “I need time.”
“There is no time.”
“It cannot be helped. This is not a decision to be made lightly—”
“Wrong.” The word came out in a thick plume of brittle air. “Every minute you wait is another minute wasted. Lockwood won’t care, I promise you. The scandal will fade, and your mother will get over her disappointment.”
“You are so certain of that, but I am not.”
He stepped closer. “I am certain you are the only woman I want—now, tomorrow and ten years into the future. If you want me as well, then nothing else matters.”
Lord, her stupid heart again. It skipped in her chest as if this solved everything . . . but it wasn’t so simple.
Jerking away, she shook her head, water flying everywhere. “Do not push me for an answer tonight. I won’t give it.”
Water ran in rivulets down the planes of his face, droplets sticking to his long eyelashes. “Tomorrow, then.”
With a growl of frustration, she turned and started toward the terrace. Her clothing was soaked, making it hard to walk in the heavy skirts. She was going to make a mess inside the house, but it couldn’t be helped. He made no attempt to catch up or help her, but she felt his presence behind her keenly, as if he were still pressed against her.
There was no running from what had happened tonight. No pretending the kiss didn’t happen. She had instigated it, willingly participated, even enjoyed it.
And she would probably do it again, if given the chance.
That was the worst part. The knowledge that she was not strong enough to resist this. That whatever she felt for Harrison was more powerful than her sense of duty, her sense of right and wrong. All her plans, destroyed in an instant. She was a horrible daughter and an even worse fiancée.
She drew in a deep breath and tried to compose herself. Running through the house in tears, soaked to the bone, even at this hour, could attract unwanted attention. As soon as she was warm and changed, alone in her room, she could think about what happened tonight and what she would do.
Water ran down her back, into her bodice, and her skirts were caked with mud and grass. Her thin slippers sloshed with every step, and she wished she’d worn her short boots instead. Teeth chattering, she started up the stone steps toward the back entrance—and her foot slipped out from underneath her.
Before she could tumble on the stairs, strong arms pulled her upright. “Don’t worry,” he said in her ear. “I have you. I’ll always have you.”
The flat plane of his chest was warm and comforting against her, but she could not allow herself to enjoy it. “Let me go,” she said. He obeyed and she went up the stairs stiffly, holding on to the side to keep from falling again.
She stepped into the house, her body shaking, and he was right behind her. A puddle immediately formed on the parquet floor underneath her feet, so she hurried for the stairs. All she could think about was being dry and alone.
He grabbed her arm, bringing her to a halt. “Please, just a moment.”
“Harrison, I cannot talk about this. Not here, not now.”
A tempest swirled in his eyes, a whirlpool of emotion hidden underneath his calm exterior. He reached into his coat pocket and withdrew Lockwood’s betrothal ring. Maddie stared at the piece, stunned she’d forgotten about it. He pressed the ring into her hand. “Soon, Maddie. Good night.”
She wrapped her fingers around the emerald and diamonds, emotion lodged in her throat. Even if she’d been capable of speaking, there was nothing to say. She closed her eyes, unable to look at him just then, and she felt the soft brush of his mouth over hers and then he was gone.
What am I going to do?
Pressing two fingers to her lips, she took a step toward the main stairs—and abruptly stopped. Mrs. Lusk was in the entrance to the library, book in hand, her sharp gaze firmly locked on Maddie. The older woman said nothing, but her disapproving stare spoke volumes. How much had she seen?
Maddie’s stomach clenched while goose bumps raced along the nape of her neck. Still, though she quaked on the inside, she did not cower. She and Harrison had been quiet and he hadn’t lingered, so perhaps there was no need for panic.
Gesturing to her sopping wet form, she tried to make light of it. “I was out walking when it started to rain.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Cradling her book, Mrs. Lusk moved toward the stairs without another word, and Maddie was left with a burning sense of dread in her chest.
Chapter Fourteen
Sleep proved elusive for Maddie that night. Thoughts of Harrison, worries over her future and a sense of impending doom kept her pacing until dawn. She canceled her early-morning tennis practice, even though Nationals was just three weeks away. The idea of being around people right now terrified her.
Perhaps if she stayed in her room, she could avoid her problems.
Now you’re being childish.
Shaking her head, she flopped on her bed and stared at the ceiling. There was no way around it: she had to tell Lockwood about kissing Harrison.
It was the honorable thing to do, though the duke could very well call off the wedding as a result. Her mother would be devastated if that happened. Daddy, too. Maddie hated the idea of disappointing anyone.
Why had she gone to the gazebo last night?
Because you wanted to. Because you needed to see if these feelings for Harrison were real.
She’d gotten her answer, at least. Whatever was between her and Harrison was very real. The realization only compounded her problems, however.
A knock sounded, and she blinked into the bleary sunlight pouring through her windows. Had she fallen asleep? The clock on her nightstand read shortly after nine o’clock.
“Maddie, are you awake?”
That was Nellie’s voice. Maddie was instantly out of bed, throwing on a dressing gown and rushing to the door. “What happened?”
Nellie entered and shut the door behind her. “Alice’s mother asked to speak with your father this morning. Then they called for the duke. Something is going on. You need to get dressed.”
Oh, no. Mrs. Lusk was telling her father about last night. There was no other explanation. Dash it all.
“I have to hurry.”
“Yes, you do.” Nellie summoned Maddie’s maid while Maddie rushed into the washroom.
Nellie spoke through the door. “Would you like some advice? I do have a bit of experience with handling fathers, you know.”
There was no reason to keep it from Nellie. Her friend was no stranger to scandal, after all. “I kissed Harrison last night in the gazebo,” Maddie said. “We got caught in the rain and Mrs. Lusk may have seen us come in together.”