I blow out an unsteady breath and nod. “Just working through a panic attack.” Placing my hands on my knees, I slouch over and close my eyes.
“Jesus, Cami. Let me help,” he says, stepping inside.
“You can’t.” I inhale, then slowly release it. “It’ll eventually pass.”
“Did something trigger it?” he asks, sitting next to me on the bed.
“I don’t really know. Just…everything. All the unknowns are a lot to handle right now,” I explain. “I guess it started to really hit me that this is happening. I was watching some news footage on my phone last night and read a few articles, which didn’t help my anxiety. Then I started thinking about Ryan and how scared I was for him. I tried to sleep through it, but it came back in full force this morning.”
Eli stands, then leans down and lifts me until my arms wrap around his neck. “What are you doing?” I squeal.
“Just hold on,” he instructs as he walks us to one of the oversized chairs by the window. I’m still wrapped in a blanket, but my temperature always rises when my anxiety is high. I’ll start sweating soon, but I don’t care.
Eli sits and cradles me against his chest. It settles me, and when I rest my head on his shoulder, he holds me a little tighter.
“This okay?” he whispers softly.
I nod, closing my eyes and snuggling deeper into his chest.
“Remember when Ryan invited me to the Hamptons with you guys the summer before my junior year?” he asks after we sit in silence for a while.
“Yeah,” I say. “Why?”
“It was the first time I saw you in a bikini,” he replies, chuckling. “I was a hormonal teenage boy, thinking very dirty things about my best friend’s little sister. You were only thirteen or fourteen, so I kept telling myself not to stare at you. But it was nearly impossible.” He rubs a soothing hand over my arm, caressing lightly. “You had basically written me off at that point, but I was determined to get your attention any way I could. Even if it was having you tell me off.”
“Is that why you were flirting with Cherise the whole time?” I quip. I brought my best friend with me that week too, and she thought Eli was cute, which I hated. I didn’t want him to like her, so I kept telling her bad things about him, hoping she’d stop. It didn’t work.
“She flirted with me first!” he defends. “I was innocent.”
That has me grinning. “I was ready to tell her you were gay so she’d leave you alone, but then you kept spewing out sexual innuendos, and I knew she’d never believe me.”
“Wow…thanks.”
Looking up, I peer into his gorgeous green eyes. “I didn’t want her to know I was crushing on you. She would’ve sabotaged me and told everyone, especially you.”
“And why would that have been so bad?” he asks, studying the sincerity on my face.
“At the time, it would’ve been. Now? Not so much,” I tell him honestly. “I thought you’d think I was a dumb kid, especially after all the fighting we did.”
Eli licks his lips before responding. “Perhaps you weren’t aware of or I hadn’t made it obvious enough, but I had the biggest crush on you in high school.” The corner of his lips sweep up. “I still do.”
Instead of feeling nauseated like I typically would during one of these attacks, butterflies surface in my stomach and a shiver runs down my back. Our eyes connect as we sit silently, staring at each other. My heart hammers as he leans down, and I tilt my chin upward.
Before our lips can connect, Bruno barges into my room, and Chanel immediately loses her mind. She hisses at him, and he starts chasing her around the bed.
“Bruno, heel!” Eli orders, standing and carefully setting me on my feet.
Chanel runs under the bed, and Bruno has a barking fit. He loudly howls and tries to wedge himself underneath, but he’s too damn big.
“Out, Bruno. Let’s go…” Eli grabs his collar, pulling hard and forcing him into the hallway. A moment later, he returns, closing the door behind him. “I’m sorry about that. He needs to go outside and burn off some energy.”
The whole scene has me laughing. “It’s alright. He likes your attention. I can relate.”
Eli pushes off the wood and saunters toward me. “You feeling okay now?”
Nodding, I flash him a small smile. “Yeah, I think so. Thanks for talking to me and helping me think about something else.”
He brushes a hand through his hair and fixes it. I love when he casually throws it up like this. Eli’s the exact opposite of every guy I’ve ever dated, but it’s why I’ve never been able to get over my feelings for him. I’ve fought them every chance I’ve had, allowing statuses and other’s opinions to affect my choices, but I don’t want to live that way anymore.
“You’re very welcome.” He winks. “I’m gonna take the beast out. Wanna join us?”
“Uh, sure. Let me get dressed, and I’ll meet you out there.”
After he leaves, Chanel slowly comes out from underneath the bed and jumps on my lap. I pet her and try to calm her down because she’s as on edge as I was earlier. “Bruno just wants to be your friend,” I tell her, jokingly.
Once she’s chilled out a bit, I move her off me and find some warm clothes. With leggings, boots, and a sweater under my jacket, I put on a hat and gloves, then go out the back door. Eli is throwing a rubber toy to Bruno who is happily fetching it. Eli has him dressed in a bright-colored coat.
“Oh, look at Bruno all fancied up.” I giggle.
“Yeah, Dobies can’t be in low temperatures because of their body fat percentage and short hair. He’ll start shaking without it, and I can’t let my boy get cold.” Eli looks me over and smirks.
“Wow, I had no idea. Chanel won’t move an inch when I dress her and acts like she’s being smothered or something. Bruno’s totally in his element.” I laugh, watching him run around as though it’s no big deal, and place my hands in my pockets.
He lowers his eyes down my body. “You look like you’re going to the North Pole,” he teases. I notice he’s wearing gym shorts and a sweatshirt.
“Not all of us are natural ovens,” I retort, wrapping my arms around my body. “I’m always cold, even in summer.”
“So when I felt you shiver upstairs, it wasn’t because of me?”
I blush, my cheeks heating at his bluntness. “You’re quite full of yourself, aren’t you?”
“Only when I know I’m right.”
Rolling my eyes, I ignore his stare and refuse to admit it. Bruno returns, and as Eli praises him, I lean down and roll snow between my palms. After Eli throws the toy again, he turns toward me, and I throw the snowball directly at his face. He’s so caught off guard, he doesn’t move, and I burst out laughing at his expression.
Brushing off his face, he narrows his eyes at me. “You’re so dead.”
The moment he comes for me, I start running. Something hits my back, and when I look over my shoulder, I see he’s leaning down for more snow. Bruno barks at us, chasing us both, and I keep running even though my lungs burn.
“Get her, Bruno!” Eli shouts.