“There was,” I gulp out.
“They did multiple ultrasounds,” Lauren says, wiping her eyes. “Trust me when I tell you, they wouldn’t put an expecting mother through this unless they were positive about it.” She moves across the room to rest her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, but the second baby is gone.”
“The fuck you mean, the second baby is gone?”
There’s a knock on the door that gains our attention, and Lauren tells whomever it is to come in. I’ve been to too many doctor visits and had too many hospital stays with Lucy to know when a doctor is about to deliver bad news, and the doc that walks in is about to deliver some bad news. I prepare myself for the blow.
He shoves his glasses up his slender nose. “Hello, I’m Dr. Jones.” I stand up, and he holds his hand out for me to shake. “I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I’ve talked to Willow, but I wanted to come back when you arrived in case you had any further questions for me.”
“Sure do,” I reply. “Where’s my other baby?”
He doesn’t seem surprised at my aggression. No doubt, he was expecting it. “We performed an ultrasound on Willow. She immediately told us she was pregnant with twins when she was brought in, but we could only find one heartbeat. I double-checked. Another doctor did, too.” He looks over at Lauren. “Your sister did also.”
Lauren’s face falls.
“Willow experienced symptoms of a miscarriage. She lost one of the fetuses from what appears to be vanishing twin syndrome.”
She lost a baby.
One of our babies is gone.
Gone. I’m so sick of that word.
If I could set that word on fire and kill it, I would. Risk doing time. Risk going to hell. Risk anything not to hear that fucking word again.
Everything good in my life gets taken from me.
“What about the other baby? There’s a heartbeat?” I rush out.
“Yes, there is a heartbeat for the surviving fetus.”
“And everything is okay with that one?”
“So far, yes. The prognosis of the surviving twin is hopeful, but it can be more difficult since she’s in her second trimester.”
“So, what do we do now?”
“The ultrasound didn’t show any remains of the lost fetus, so we won’t have to perform any additional procedures. Again, I’m sorry for your family’s loss.” He hands me a card. “If you have any additional questions, please feel free to call anytime. Day or night.”
I grip the side of the bed from my chair and stare down at Willow when the doctor leaves. “How did this happen? Where were you?”
She hesitates before answering me, looking deflated and hugging herself. “Taking a drive.”
Lauren moves to Willow’s side to kiss her on the forehead. “I’m going to give you some privacy. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Taking a drive?” I ask. “I thought you didn’t feel well. Why were you taking a drive when you were sick?”
This stops Lauren from leaving, and she whips around to stare at me. “Dallas, none of this is Willow’s fault, so don’t you dare go there. There was nothing she could’ve done to stop the miscarriage.”
“I’m not blaming her,” I hiss.
I’m blaming myself. I’m fucking blaming everyone and everything.
“Well, you’re not convincing me of that,” Willow fires back. “Sure sounds like it.”
“All I asked was, why you were out driving in who the fuck knows where when you knew you were pregnant, and you told Stella you were sick!” I reply.
Her face lights up with anger, and she jabs a finger in my direction. “Don’t talk to me like that. Don’t you think I’m hurt about this? I lost a baby, too!”
“Okay, now, I’ll give you two some privacy,” Lauren says. She points to me before leaving. “Don’t be a dick.”
When Lauren shuts the door, I stare at it for a few seconds to calm down. Arguing with Willow isn’t going to help either one of us. It’ll only make shit worse.
“What happened?” I ask softly. “Why did you leave my house? I could’ve been there for you.”
She blows out a breath. “I needed to clear my head. Get some air.”
My voice starts to break. “Why?”
“I just did. It was all too much. Too much was happening, and I couldn’t keep up. Stella said she could watch Maven, and I needed to get out of there.”
I can tell she didn’t mean to say that last sentence.
“You needed to get out of there?” I repeat.
She nods.
“Are you going to tell me why?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
I rub my eyes to fight back the tears. “It was because of Lucy’s stuff, wasn’t it?”
“That was one of the reasons, yes.” She’s not shocked I knew what it was. She knew I’d know.
This is my fault. If I had picked up Maven myself or taken down Lucy’s stuff or told Willow to take Maven to her place, this might’ve never happened.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. It didn’t even cross my mind before I asked you.”
She shrugs. “It’s fine. She’s a part of your life. She was your wife. I get that now.”
“What do you mean, you get that now?”
“I understand the loss of someone you love. I now understand, sometimes, you can’t get over it.” She rubs her stomach as the tears fall. “I know I’ll never get over this, just like you’ll never get over Lucy. I don’t blame you for it. I’m not mad.”
“What are you saying?” I ask, simmering with fear.
Her eyes are vacant. Dull. She’s here physically, but she’s not here.
“I’m saying, we should spend some time apart.”
I feel my pulse in my throat. “Are you … are you saying you’re done with me?”
She shakes her head and rubs her forehead, like I’m stressing her out. Like it’s the last conversation she wants to have.
Me, too.
“I can’t be done with you. We’re having a baby together, but we should take a step back from everything else.”
I can’t be hearing her right. I lost Lucy. I lost one of my babies. Now, I’m losing her.
“Take a step back from the relationship we’ve been building? Take a step back from feeling happiness? Take a few steps back from making love?”
She cringes. “Don’t call it that.”
“Don’t call it what?”
Her jaw clenches in anger. “Making love. We don’t make love, Dallas, because we don’t love each other. We fuck. That’s it. You and I both know it.”
“You know that’s not true!” I grind out, fighting the urge to raise my voice. “If I were only interested in fucking someone, do you think I’d do it with the most complicated woman in the world?” I shake my head and lean in. “I do it because I’m falling in love with you. Not for a quick fuck!”
“Oh, shit!”
I stumble back at the sound of Stella’s voice and look at the doorway to find her standing there with my parents.
“Bad timing?” Stella asks regrettably, tears lining her eyes. “Sorry, I suck at knocking.”