Just as I’m walking into the kitchen, my phone vibrates in my pocket. Thinking it’s Cami, I hurry and answer, but it’s Ryan.
“How is she?” he asks. His tone is rushed, and in the background, different medical codes are blared over a loud intercom.
I exhale slowly. “She’s coughing nonstop, and I know she’s having trouble breathing by the sounds of her wheezing. I check on her every few hours, but I don’t feel like I’m doing enough,” I tell him. “We FaceTimed a couple times and she looked absolutely miserable.”
“All you can do is help her from a distance. Stay away from her, Eli. If Cameron has the virus, she’s highly contagious, and I’m worried about what would happen if you got it. Unless her coughing gets worse or she struggles to breathe, they won’t admit her with how limited they are on space and equipment. She texts me each time she takes her temp, and her fever seems to be holding steady for now,” Ryan explains.
“But it’s still high,” I say with defeat in my voice.
“It is, but she still won’t be admitted unless she’s worse than—”
“Worse than what she is now?” My agitation takes over. I’m so frustrated. Not with him, but over the testing situation and how our healthcare system is overwhelmed to the point of nearly collapsing. This situation of uncertainty weighs me down, and I’ve never been so stressed before.
“I know you’re upset. I am too. I’m also concerned about my sister, but the hospitals are complete madhouses. We can’t get the supplies we need, and the staff are growing exhausted. Honestly, she’s better off staying at the cabin unless her symptoms and condition worsen. She’s healthy, young, and is still breathing on her own. Cameron is doing better than a lot of people right now, and she’s a fighter.”
“You’re right, man. I’m sorry for adding more to your plate. I know you’re going through hell. I’m not upset with you, just concerned, exhausted, stressed, and anxious—which I’m sure you are too. I hate that Cami isn’t well and is all alone in there. I’m worried about you and my family too. Everything feels so damn heavy and uncertain right now, but I’m gonna do whatever I can for her.”
“I know you will.”
“Don’t forget to take care of yourself too.”
“I’m trying.” I clear my throat, knowing his time is limited, but I don’t want him to be blindsided later. “Before I let you go, I should tell you something.”
He chuckles softly. “That you’re in love with my sister? Because I’ve known that for years.”
I smirk. “Yeah, but now that she doesn’t want to murder me as much anymore, I think I have a real chance with her. I hope at least.”
“Well, aren’t you glad I offered the cabin now?” he says, amused with himself. “I’m happy for you guys. It’s about goddamn time.”
“Wait, you knew she’d be here?”
“My mom briefly mentioned Cameron might be going up there, but she wasn’t positive. Though she never said anything about Cameron bringing Zane. Honestly, I figured if you both ended up in the same place, you two could finally talk through your issues.”
“Sneaky bastard,” I quip. “I haven’t been able to bring it up to her yet, but no matter what, she’ll always be the one for me.”
“I better be the best man at your wedding,” he taunts.
“Your lack of sleep is making you delusional.” I laugh, though the idea of marrying Cami and making her my wife and the mother of our children makes me smile.
“I’ll keep checking in on you guys when I can, but I gotta get back.” He releases a deep sigh, and I can tell he’s broken. Each passing day has become more tragic than the previous.
“No problem. We’ll chat soon, or I’ll text you.”
“Sounds good. Be safe, my friend.” Then he ends the call.
I stand in the kitchen with my back against the counter. When I close my eyes, I see flashes of Cami and me together. I replay her lips brushing against mine, and my firm hands on her hips. Right now, I want to kiss the freckles sprinkled across her nose and hold her tight against my chest. Dealing with the unknown while being completely isolated from reality is scary. When we were together, it wasn’t so bad, but now that I’m alone, I want nothing more than to be with her.
Though I did a thorough clean of the cabin when she first got sick, I continue to re-sanitize constantly. After I grab some Clorox wipes, which are like gold these days, I wipe down every surface. Whatever I can’t use them on, I spray Lysol until the space smells like my mother came over and cleaned from top to bottom.
Grabbing my inhaler and my laptop, I sit on the couch to get some work done. I answer an ungodly number of emails. Though our company’s revenue has fallen by thirty percent across the board, some are still reporting to work. Each year around this time, I finalize enough contracts for my commission check to catch me up on bills through the summer. Without that, I’ll struggle, even if I have three roommates who help share the bills. I try to push the thoughts away, but it’s impossible not to worry. It doesn’t take long before I’m surfing the web and reading more articles. I shut the screen, not wanting to see any more, not when Cami is upstairs with a high fever.
Noticing it’s now lunchtime, I make some chicken noodle soup and find some saltines for Cami. I grab a few bottles of water and carry it all upstairs.
I placed a small table outside of her room so Bruno doesn’t help himself to her food, though I’ve been keeping him downstairs as much as possible. Setting it down, I tap on the door, then walk away.
She typically waits a few minutes before opening the door to give me time to leave. I go to my room and take a shower. The warm water pounds against my skin and does nothing to soothe the uneasiness I have. The entire world is experiencing loss on such a high level that it seems like a messed-up apocalyptic movie, and I’m trying to process it the best I can.
After I change, I realize I need to do laundry. Cami probably needs clean clothes too, so I text her to leave her hamper in the hallway for me to grab. She doesn’t respond, but she’s probably sleeping, so I put a load of mine in the washer. Afterward, I busy myself with work for the rest of the afternoon. My stomach growls, and I glance out the window, noticing the sun is setting.
I skipped lunch, so I decide on an early dinner. I make a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and grab a bag of chips. Bruno sits at my feet while I eat, and Chanel sleeps on the opposite end of the couch. I turn on the TV and get sucked into the news. When I see images of the city with streets that are usually full of people looking like a ghost town, I shut it off. I don’t know why I torture myself further by watching it. Standing, I decide to prepare something for Cami to eat and switch over the washer.
When I go back upstairs to grab the tray, I notice what I brought her earlier hasn’t been touched. Worry covers me like a warm blanket as I move closer. I stand in the hallway and suck in shallow breaths, trying to hear her on the other side. She’s not coughing, and I hope more than anything that she’s still breathing. Knowing I shouldn’t go in, but not giving two fucks, I crack open the door.
All the lights are off, and the curtains are drawn, making the room pitch black. I see the outline of her body in the bed and notice she’s lying on her side. For a second, I stop and listen, and can hear each time she struggles to inhale, but then coughs a few times. My head tells me I should leave, that I need to get out, but my heart protests. Instead of being cautious, I take several steps forward, then crawl into bed next to her. She rustles as I wrap my arm around her blazing hot skin. It might be dangerous, but I just want to comfort her. Forcing her to deal with this alone isn’t an option anymore. If she’s ever needed me, it’s now.