Without another word—what was she going to say? Beg him to look at her? To tell her why he’d suddenly turned into the ice man?—Gillian got up off the couch and headed to her room. She pulled off her cute little sleep set and put on a pair of leggings and a long-sleeve shirt. She had the urge to completely cover up before she went to bed.
Climbing under the covers, she did her best not to cry…but it was no use. The tears fell from her eyes, and she tried to be quiet as she sobbed and wondered what the hell was wrong with her.
Trigger’s fists clenched and it took everything he had to stay where he was. He could hear Gillian crying, and it tore at him. When she’d come out of her room wearing that sexy-as-hell sleep set, he’d immediately gotten hard.
He respected Gillian more than she’d ever know, and he’d been doing his best to take things slow. The only way he knew to do that was to keep his dick in his pants. Women didn’t like being used for sex, and although that was far from what he’d be doing if he slept with her, he didn’t want her to get the wrong idea.
He wanted Gillian. Permanently. But he didn’t want to do anything that might make her think this was a short-term relationship. Seeing her silky skin on display and knowing the shorts would give him easy access to the part of her he was getting more and more desperate to touch, to taste, he’d had to distance himself.
He was weak. If he’d pulled her into his side, he wouldn’t have been able to keep his hands off her. After the day she’d had, he wanted nothing more than to show her how proud he was. To worship her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. But it still felt too early. They’d only been dating a month. He had no idea what the rules were for sex in today’s world, but he respected Gillian too much to push her into a physical relationship before she was ready. She was vulnerable, and he’d be damned if he did anything to take advantage.
But now she was in her room crying. And he’d done that.
He’d fucked up. Instead of respecting her, she’d thought he was rejecting her.
Before he registered what he was doing, Trigger was on his feet and headed for her bedroom. It was obvious she was trying to be quiet, but he could still hear her sobs through her closed door. Without knocking, he opened the door and entered.
The entire room smelled like honeysuckle, making his dick once again rise. He ignored his body and walked over to where she was huddled under her covers on the bed. He cringed when he saw she was now wearing a long-sleeve shirt. Seeing the sexy pajamas lying on the floor by the bathroom, he knew she’d probably put on a pair of leggings as well.
He didn’t hesitate to climb into her queen-size bed and snuggle up behind her. His arm wrapped around her waist, and he pushed his other arm under her head, so she was now using it as a pillow.
“Go away, Walker,” she said quietly.
“Nope.”
“I get it. You aren’t ready for a relationship. It’s fine. I just need some space from you right now.”
“And you aren’t getting it,” Trigger said firmly. “I need you to listen to me.”
“I can’t,” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t you get it? You’ve already said enough tonight.”
“When you walked out of this room earlier, it was all I could do not to pull you to the floor, strip you naked, and fuck you until neither of us could walk.”
The words came out without thought. They were pure, naked emotion.
Gillian froze in his arms. She hadn’t pushed him away in disgust, so Trigger kept going.
“We’ve only been dating a month. I don’t want to rush you into a physical relationship with me. I’m trying to be a gentleman. You had a hard day, and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. I knew if I touched you while you were wearing that shorty sleep thing, I wouldn’t be able to stop with a little cuddling.”
“What if I don’t want you to stop?” she asked.
Knowing there was no way she could miss the erection against her ass, since her back was plastered against his front, Trigger didn’t even bother trying to hide it from her. “I need to wait,” he said simply. “I can’t tell you exactly why. I just feel the need to treat you with respect, like the amazing woman you are. To not rush into sex simply because I want you so bad. I want this relationship between us to last. Forever, hopefully…and a part of me feels as if I’m cheapening my feelings for you if I rush us into bed.”
Trigger felt stupid voicing his thoughts out loud, but he wouldn’t keep them to himself if his silence hurt her. He wanted no misunderstandings between them.
“Make no mistake, I want you, Gilly. But I want to do things right. The last thing I ever want you to think is that I’m using you in any way. I’ve got good control, but you make me feel as if I’m fifteen again and trying to hide my erection in Miss Noonbreaker’s class.”
He felt her chuckle against him and relax a fraction.
“I thought you didn’t want me.”
“I want you,” he said immediately. “Don’t ever doubt that.”
“Will you stay the night with me? Here?”
Trigger winced. “I can’t,” he whispered.
Gillian turned in his embrace, and Trigger found himself staring into her puffy, red-rimmed eyes, and he wanted to kick himself all over again for hurting her.
“I trust you,” she whispered.
“I appreciate that, more than you know, but I can’t,” he said, praying she’d take his word for it and let it go.
“Why?” she asked.
Closing his eyes, Trigger had known she’d want to know why. He opened his eyes and stared into hers. “Because you feel too good. Being in your bed is too close to what I want for the rest of my life. Everything in here smells like honeysuckle, and there’s no way I’d get any sleep. I know I’m not making sense…I can hold you in my arms on the couch and sleep all night because a part of me knows we’re not in a bed. The first time we make love, it’s not going to be on a fucking sofa. So I can control myself. But if I fall asleep in a bed with you, I don’t trust myself not to touch you. To take what my subconscious is screaming is mine.”
She stared up at him for a long moment before nodding. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Trigger asked. “Are you saying that because you think it’s what I want to hear, or because you understand?”
“I get it. I want you too, Walker. I’ve thought you were mine from the get-go. At least I wanted you to be. I can wait until you’re ready.”
Trigger chuckled, but it wasn’t a humorous sound. “How did I get to be the insecure one in our relationship?”
“I think it’s cute. Frustrating, but cute,” Gillian told him. Then she got serious. “I’m flattered that you want to respect me. I’ve never had a man treat me like you do. They were all about themselves and getting what they wanted.”
“I’ll always put you first, Gillian. Even when it goes against what I want. Understand?”
“I’m beginning to.”
“Tell me you understand why I can’t sleep in this bed with you. And mean it.”
“I understand. Would it be okay if I came out to the living room and slept on the couch with you?”