I don’t have to look to know he’s smirking. Sigh. Time to head for the veggie aisle and snag that broccoli he’s so fucking obsessed with.
After we’ve argued our way through the store, I head to the register and Max asks, “Was that so hard?”
“Don’t make me answer that,” I grumble, but of course I’m just playing. Every second with him is a blessing and frankly, it’s fun to argue with him again.
He laughs as I set the basket on the counter where Wanda tallies my items, eyeing me like a woman who knows things. “You look happy today. Have a hot date?”
If she only knew that Max’s ghost is standing right next to her.
Unable to hide my smile, I slide a credit card from my wallet and lie lie lie, “Me? Um... no. It's just me and me tonight.”
Wanda holds up two steaks with a twinkle in her eye. “You're going to eat both of these?”
I blink, struck suddenly by the realization that I did buy one for him from habit. Forgetting he can’t eat it.
Max cuts through my wake-up call, joking, “Tell her!”
I’m distracted and tell him, “Hush,” covering with, “Ha ha, hush now, Wanda, you'll make me blush. It's just me.” I stammer, smiling it off, “I’ll make the second one tomorrow I guess.”
She tears the receipt from her register, and hands it to me with a knowing smirk. “Your skin is rosier.”
It sure is, but not because of what she thinks. I smile a sincere, “Thanks!” so grateful I’m not a fucking mess anymore.
Wanda won’t drop it, though. She thinks I’m hooking up with someone in town. The hair blow-dried and clean, the lipstick, the grin.
“Getting good sleep?”
“Um...yeah.”
Max goes to pick up the bag, joking, “Here let me get that! Oh, oh no!”
I grab it, laughing, and passing it off as if she’s right — I’m getting laid and hiding it!
Max dashes away, “I’ll go get the door.”
She can think what she likes.
I’ve got Max back in my life.
As I set my fork on the empty plate, I confess, “It wasn’t as good as when you make it…”
“I walked you though it! You did fine!”
“It's quite possible I could have eaten both steaks."
Max smirks, "Don't want you to get sick."
"I haven't been that bad!"
His eyebrows rise.
I chuckle, get up from the table, and bring my dishes to the sink to hand wash them.
Max stands by the counter, arms crossed and hands tucked under his biceps, tone no longer teasing. “Abs, where would you like to go?”
I frown, scrubbing away while options present themselves to a stifled imagination. "Anywhere?"
"Anywhere."
“Hmm…”
I turn on the faucet, let warm water wash the suds away.
He offers, “With just the money you're saving from rent alone..."
I turn off the faucet and prop our plate against the wall on a clean dish towel to dry. Picking up my silverware, I vigorously sponge away germs as I throw Max suggestions. "I'd like to go to Ireland with you, then Scotland."
"Scotland?" His head rolls back — the O'Connells are almost pure Irish. "Why Scotland?!!”
On a laugh, I rinse suds from our silverware, placing them beside the plate and glancing behind me to where I left my water. I still need that, so, guess I'm done here, pans soaking. "You loved Highlander, Max, remember how beautiful the landscape was in that movie — remember the ending? I've always wanted to see those hills. Let’s visit Ireland first, and then we'll go to Scotland, and you can talk about how crappy it is."
He laughs, "Fair enough."
From a newly cleaned fridge I remove our water pitcher to pour ice cold agua into my half empty glass, making it more optimistic. "I'd also like to see Italy, Max — Verona, especially. Because of Romeo and Juliet."
Max smirks, "Of course, anything literary.”
My eyes flick to the ceiling where all good ideas come from. "Maybe Egypt. Seeing the pyramids would be fantastic!”
“I’d love to go to Egypt, Abs..”
I lock eyes with him. “Would you? We never talked about that. The idea just came to me."
"You know what would be fun?"
He smiles, “What would be fun.”
"If you stood on the top of the pyramid while I was at the bottom and nobody knew that you were up there, but me. Balancing on the tippy tippy top."
Max's body bends forward on a silent laugh that I have missed so much. He always did that. Sometimes he laughed outright but a lot of times not because he was constantly preparing to volley a witty comeback.
“I’ll go into places you're not allowed to, then come out and tell you all about them.”
“And I’ll tell our guides what you saw and they’ll think I’m psychic!” A grin spreads on my face. "Oh my gosh, that sounds like so much fun. Let’s do it!”
“I’m in!”
I slap the table. "I know where I want to go!"
Max cocks an eyebrow. "Where?"
"Fiji."
He smirks, "Because of the water bottle.”
"Yes! I like the blue.”
"That's a terrible reason to visit an island." He paces, emphatically gesturing. "You go for the beach! The sun! The snorkeling amongst fish who are wondering what the fuck you are doing there and who want you to leave! That is why you go to a beach. You go to drink Mai Tais, Piña Coladas, BEER. To forget your own name by the time you get back to your hotel…”
We look at each other and remember Barry.
Because Oahu…he was a mess.
And that brings us back to our anniversary.
Max drops his hand. "Where else would you like to go?"
"Anywhere you want to go, baby,” I smile, hiding pain and anger at his best friend being such a wreck he needed Max to babysit him. I know it’s not fair, that alcoholism is a disease, and I just tried to drink myself into forgetting.
But fuck that right now.
I’m not over it.
The ghost of my husband locks eyes with me, feels the love in mine, and his smile returns. "I can't believe you can see me, Abby.”
“You know what? I could just stay right here as long as you're with me again. I don't need to be anywhere else. I'm happy right where I am. And the view is perfect."
Chapter 20
Max
Enjoying the sunny afternoon on our porch, Abs and I are surrounded by potted flowers kept alive by our greedy landscaper. His sticky fingers partner with a green thumb, I’ll give him that.
Flowers hang above us from the rafters amid vines with leaves of yellow-green. The property is on a hill, so this view overlooks it from above. Even though we’re on the first floor our land slopes beginning at the driveway, house built on a platform and stilts to accommodate the drop.
I’m standing with my arms crossed, hands tucked, while Abs sits crossed-legged on our wicker loveseat in her blue cotton jump suit under a dark olive green cardigan Mom left in a dresser, back from the good old days when I was just a kid.