“Now”—Candace lifts her chin—“let’s brief the audience, and our at-home viewers, on a little bit of history.”
I’m about to do just that and she holds up a finger.
“My show, I get to spill all the dirty little details.” She gives a sly wink just as that ghostly rooster bops this way. Great, just what I need. “Lottie, you met Noah once the two of you were tangled up in the murder of your former landlord, isn’t that right? And you were actually accused of killing her, too! Isn’t that true?”
“Yes, but I didn’t do it.” I give a nervous smile to the camera. “Noah and I cracked the case and apprehended the real killer who is now serving time behind bars.”
Noah shakes his head. “That was all you, Lottie. You solved that homicide on your own.”
“That’s right, she did.” Candace gives him a sharp look. “Just the way she has countless other homicides that have occurred in and around Honey Hollow ever since then. Don’t you think it’s suspicious, Detective, that not only does Lottie solve the crimes, but that she is always the one that discovers the body? Not to mention the fact one of her desserts is always eerily present on or around the scene of the crime? I don’t know about you, but I think I smell something fishy here.”
“Objection.” Everett lifts a finger.
“Overruled, Judge Baxter,” she snips his way. “And speaking of legalese, let’s put the spotlight on you for a moment. Shall we? Let’s see, you were the judge in session the day Lottie here was being sued in small claims court by the very landlord that died under suspicious circumstances and you just so happened to side in Lottie’s favor. Did the fact you were attracted to Lottie play into your decision?”
“No,” Everett barks it out clear and sharp.
“Oh, I think it did,” she’s quick to contest him with a smirk. “In fact, you have quite the reputation when it comes to the ladies, Judge Baxter. I have it on good authority that you’ve slept with a wide range of women over the last few years alone. And let’s get this straight, you, Judge Baxter, are also known as Mr. Sexy. Isn’t that correct?”
“That’s right,” Carlotta shouts from the audience. “Every barista on the planet knows it’s true!”
Candace nods her way. “I’d go as far as saying every woman.”
“Well, actually”—I clear my throat—“it was indeed a barista who started that whole Mr. Sexy thing, but she was far from wrong.” The audience gives off a few quick catcalls.
Candace squints over at Noah. “Detective Fox, you and Lottie were together first from what I understand. But a little bird has recently whispered to me that Everett was, in fact, your stepbrother at one point in the past. And do you know what else that little bird whispered to me? That the two of you had a falling-out over a girl in high school. The love of both of your lives—Cormack Featherby.”
“That’s me!” Cormack’s voice squeaks from the audience, and I roll my eyes at that one.
“Not true.” Everett is the first to deny Cormack bragging rights to his undying affection.
“Correct,” Noah says.
“So it’s true?” Candace gawks. “Cormack Featherby is the love of your life?”
Noah’s eyes widen with horror. “I was responding to Everett. He was correct. Lottie here is the love of my life.” He turns my way. “I swear it, Lot.”
The audience coos. Although I distinctly hear a couple of boos in there, too.
“I believe you.” I give his hand a squeeze. “Candace, I think maybe we should move on.”
“I agree,” she says it short and curt as she glares right at me. “Now let’s get this straight. You’ve bounced between both of these men back and forth like a ping-pong ball, haven’t you? You secretly married Everett just before Christmas while you were still dating Noah.”
“That was just a technicality to help Everett with his trust fund, but it turns out, it wasn’t even really needed. Anyway, we’re long past that.” I hope.
“So you’re saying Judge Baxter manipulated you into marrying him?”
“No!”
Noah’s chest vibrates with a silent laugh. “It’s true.”
“It’s not true,” Everett growls. “I didn’t go in with that intention. I was only made aware of certain details moments before the ceremony.”
Noah shrugs. “Sounds as if you knew. Face it, Everett, you lured Lottie there that day as a means to marry her because that’s what you wanted. It’s what you’ve wanted from the beginning. You couldn’t stand that she was with me or to see how happy we were. You were still ticked about me stealing Cormack from you all those years ago. You were going to pull out all the stops to make sure I wasn’t going to have Lottie.”
Everett bares his fangs. “That’s a load of crap and you know it.”
“This is a family show.” Candace chortles as the war of words between them grows progressively salty.
Noah shoots Everett a dark look. “You wish you could have what Lottie and I do. The truth is, you said you’d dissolve the marriage once the terms to the trust were met—and long after you learned they were never needed, you’re still married to her. Your marriage is nothing but a weak attempt at keeping her by your side. You’re afraid if you do divorce her that she’ll come right back to me—where she belongs.”
“Do you hear that, Lemon?” Everett says while shooting daggers at Noah with a heated stare. “He wants to tell you where you belong.” He leans past me. “Newsflash, Noah, Lemon doesn’t need you telling her where she belongs. Maybe that’s why she’s with me to begin with? I let her form her own opinions.”
“Don’t mess with me, Baxter,” Noah seethes. “I will drill a hole in your skull with my fist, and I won’t give it a second thought.”
“That’s because you’re impulsive and make one goofy move after another without giving it a second thought,” Everett shoots back. “If you had been honest about your marital status when you were first dating Lemon, then maybe we wouldn’t be on this couch to begin with. But you can’t stop screwing things up, can you, Noah?”
“I’m going to screw up your face.”
Both men jump to their feet and go on the attack. Before I know it, they’ve staggered about six feet in front of me and are throwing punch after punch at one another.
“Goodness!” Candace laughs with glee. “And we didn’t even get to the juicy bits yet. Lottie, you were born as the product of an affair by a then junior in high school, Carlotta Sawyer, and the new mayor-elect of Honey Hollow, Harry Nash. But then, I hear, Carlotta hid you away like a dirty secret before abandoning you. Carlotta had a few dirty secrets that I’m not so sure even you are up to speed on. Did you know—”
The next thing I do know is that Carlotta is up on stage, upturning that coffee table, just like she said she would, before throwing a punch right over Candace Cottonwood’s chin just as someone shouts cut.
About three different beefy men rush the stage and break up the fights between Noah and Everett, and Candace and Carlotta.