“No problem.” My stomach twists in nervous anticipation. I just want to get this over and done with.
She sits down on the stool, her laptop poised in her lap.
“You think your IUD came out?” she asks. “When did we put that in again?” Her fingers scroll on the mouse, never looking up at me.
“A few months ago. My old one had expired. I never had a problem with the old one.”
She sets the laptop down. “It says February we gave you the new one. I bet the strings are just shorter this time and you just can’t get as good of a feel.” She slides forward putting up the stir-ups. “I’ll check and we’ll make sure you’re okay. It’s rare that it comes out or dislodges, but I can’t say it doesn’t ever happen.”
Gently she moves my feet into the stir-ups. “Scoot down to the edge of the table for me. Just like that. Good.”
I lay down on my back, staring at the ceiling tiles that so many women before me have seen as well. They should put motivational messages up there or something. My hands grip the edge of the bed in preparation for the medieval torture device to open me up.
“So, how have you been?” She begins the awkward small talk like I’ll forget she’s looking into my honey pot. Meanwhile, I’m praying she sees two strings coming out of my uterus.
“Okay. Busy with work.”
Not that my busy work is equal to hers. I mean she probably gets woken up to deliver babies on the daily.
“I hear that. Any one special guy in your life these days?”
Why is she asking me that? Because there are no damn strings, I bet. My breathing becomes labored and I mentally will myself to calm down, doing some deep breathing exercises.
The instrument closes and I finally can breathe.
“Um, too early to tell.”
Yeah, yeah, I lied. So what?
She takes off her gloves and puts them on the table and I wait for her to hold her hand out to help me up, but she doesn’t. And she doesn’t try to get me out of the stir-ups.
Shit, shit, Shit! Dean and his giant cock.
Her hand finally outstretches, and she helps me up. “Stay undressed below the belt for right now. I can’t locate the strings to the IUD. There are so many variables that I don’t want to tell you anything until I can get you in for an ultrasound.”
My face must pale because she doesn’t wait for me to respond.
“Don’t assume anything. If you’re worried about pregnancy, I guess we don’t really know how long it’s been missing. Have you been sexually active?”
I swallow.
“Yes, but—”
She stands up, rolling the chair back to the desk area. “Let’s just wait and see where we are before we start talking crazy. Let’s handle the ultrasound first. I’ll be right back.”
I’m silent as she walks out the door. Once alone the despair wraps around me like a straight jacket.
This cannot be happening. Not now. We aren’t ready to face something like that. It will ruin us. Again.
Lucky for me she knocks a minute or so later but leaves the door open.
“I know this isn’t the best, but I was able to secure an ultrasound between two patients to have a look really quick. Would you like another sheet?”
I hop down. Let’s get this over with. “Nah, I’m good.”
“Okay, it shouldn’t take but a few minutes. If it’s okay, I’ll grab your clothes so you can change in there. I’m sure it just got dislodged and maybe came out. Nothing too serious.”
I follow her two doors down into a dark room with the only light inside emanating from the machine.
“Have a seat.”
I weave my body through the stir-ups and lay down, looking at the wand. Memories flood back to me as she puts the latex over the top and squirts lube on the tip.
“Okay, you ready?” she asks, holding the dildo looking device in her hand.
My hands grip the side of the table. “Yep.” I blow out a shaky breath.
The pressure between my folds eases when she’s in and her eyes focus on the screen. Her free hand clicking buttons. She rotates it around and I try to see something, anything, but she has the screen turned away from me.
“Okay, Chelsea, the IUD must have fallen out because I don’t see it. My guess is when we put it in that it wasn’t placed properly. Sometimes they slip out during a bowel movement or maybe during your period and go unnoticed.”
I’m silent for a moment, taking in her words. “Then we can just pop in a new one?”
I hear a noise and then she pulls the wand out of me, slipping off the condom and throwing it away while sanitizing the instrument. Her hand reaches out to help me up, but I don’t want to.
As soon as I’m sitting up, I see her face and I know she’s about to tell me the one thing that will destroy Dean and me.
She tears off something down below the ultrasound machine and holds it in her hand. “We can’t do another IUD yet.” Her expression is pensive.
“Oh, do I have to wait a certain amount of time or something?” I ask, grasping at straws. “Weird since they literally took out my first one after five years and popped in another, but whatever.”
“Under normal circumstances, we could but, Chelsea—”
“Nope. Don’t say it.” I shake my head.
“Chelsea, please, I know your history, but there are things—” She passes me the paper and I don’t even bother to look down at it.
“How far along am I?” I whisper.
She smiles. “You’re six weeks.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “That’s impossible.” I jump down from the chair, pulling my phone out to check. “I had my period.” I find it on my app. “A-ha, I had it three weeks ago.”
The doctor’s lips fall. “You can have your period when you’re pregnant, especially in the beginning. Was it a lighter period?”
“My periods are always light.”
She releases a breath. “I understand being scared.” She steps forward as I’m already fumbling and putting my underwear on. Fucking lube.
“Wait here for one second, okay?” she asks.
I don’t agree or disagree. I just need to get out of this office.
I step into my dress, finding the zipper and pulling it up as I slip into my heels. When I open the door, a nurse stops and stares at me.
“I think the doctor is coming right back.”
I walk by her without a word.
“Miss Walsh?” she asks, but I head through the maze of their office to find an escape. I feel like a rat caught in a maze as I go down one row only to end up at an emergency exit.
“Chelsea.”
I turn around to find my doctor there with a bag in her hands. “I just need to absorb the news.”
“Please, come into my office.” She opens up the door next to her.
Of course, I end up cornered by her office.
I walk in, taking the seat in front of her desk, inhaling a deep breath.
I am strong. I can do this.
She rounds the desk and places the bag down. “First of all, I know you’re worried, and we’re going to be super cautious with you.”
“I can’t. I just can’t.” One tear slips down my cheek.