“Let’s go back to the dick size thing.” Victoria places her chin in the palm of her hand, her attention focused completely on me.
“It was nothing. I made a joke about it being small and he countered.”
“So, he’s not small, I take it?” she asks.
I shake my head.
“Let me get this straight.” She inhales a deep breath, almost like she’s gathering her thoughts. “You were face-to-face with your ex after five years and neither of you talked about anything other than his dick size?”
When she says it like that, it does sound a tad juvenile, but I wanted to hit him where it hurt.
“We said other things too,” I say mulishly.
“You’re still hot for him.” She doesn’t pose it as a question, but an accusation.
“Not at all.” I shake my head.
She raises her eyebrows and sits back in her chair with her mouth twisted to the side.
“Listen, I can’t deal with him. You have to be his point of contact.”
“Tell Hannah, she’ll gladly get rid of him.” She shrugs.
“No. He’s doing it pro bono although I suspect it’s his firm that’s making him do it. Because the Dean I knew never would’ve agreed to that.”
“The Dean you know wouldn’t have become a tax attorney.”
She’s right. I might know his dick size, but other than that, I know nothing about the man I saw earlier tonight.
“True. Regardless, I’m not going to mess that up for the foundation. How often will Hannah need to use his services anyway? I’ll keep my distance. He’s probably still a playboy anyway.” I ignore the gut-churning emotion as my mind wanders to memories of him with a bunch of ladies around him, clamoring for his attention whenever we were out.
“I think the two of you should have a conversation. Hash it out and maybe you can at least have a civil relationship.”
Victoria, my sweet and naive Victoria who has a daughter with her ex and still has to deal with him. But me, I don’t have to.
“We don’t have kids together. I can loathe him until I’m buried six feet deep which I intend to do.” I take a gulp of the mule drink Reed made me. “Man, did he work his way through law school by being a bartender?”
“Reed never had to work his way through anything.” She rolls her eyes.
“I resent that comment,” Reed hollers from the other room.
“I thought you were hidden away in the office,” I say.
“Well, you’re talking dick sizes with my girlfriend. I wanted to see what might be said.”
“Concerned about your length or girth?” I joke, and Reed walks in with a bag of chips in his hand, munching away.
“Wanted to make sure Vic wasn’t complaining about me being too big.” He winks, and his smile says he’s kidding. He might be the last of the good ones.
“What do you think, Reed? Hash it out with the ex or let the bitterness burn?” I sip my drink and Victoria puts her hand out for chips. Reed tilts the bag toward her in a silent language I’ve only ever had with one other person my entire life.
“No kid, I say let it burn baby.” He waggles his eyebrows.
“Reed!” Victoria shakes her head and leans back in her chair popping another chip in her mouth. “That’s not good for your soul.”
“My soul died a long time ago.” Reed and I share a laugh while Victoria rolls her eyes at us and puts her hand back out for some chips. Reed pretends to keep the bag from her, and she fights before he relents.
“I need to leave you guys alone.” I push my chair out from the table and stand.
“We’ve barely talked about this.”
“If she’s gotta go, babe.” Reed winks at me. “Kidding of course.”
Is it national winking day or something?
“Yeah, kidding.” I finish my mule and take the glass into the kitchen.
“Stick around, we can talk or veg out with ice cream. I’m sure Reed will understand if you want to go out.”
“Go out?” Reed asks. “As in clubs and bars?”
Victoria glances over her shoulder, shooting him a look I can’t see from my angle.
“I’m just saying, I’m not cool with you playing wing woman. I think we should clear that up.” Reed places the bag of chips on his breakfast bar and opens the fridge, grabbing a pop.
“You do know women don’t go out just to pick up guys, right? That we like to dance and have fun together. We’re not there to try out dick-up lines on a bunch of guys.”
“Yeah, we’re not there to find a Vag Badger,” I add.
Both their heads circle my way.
“Vag Badger?” Reed asks, quirking one eyebrow.
“You know…a guy who follows a woman around a bar, badgering her with the hopes of wearing her down and getting some vag?”
Victoria bends over and laughs, smacking the granite countertop. “I’ve never heard of that.”
“I think most men stop being Vag Badgers at the age of eighteen,” Reed says, sounding insulted.
Victoria and I wrinkle our eyebrows together.
Vic places her hand on her boyfriend’s shoulder. “Babe, you have no idea what it’s like out there for us.”
“Let’s clarify that statement, shall we? I have no idea what it’s like for Chelsea out there.”
Victoria rises on her tiptoes and kisses his cheek. “You make a great argument.”
He turns quickly before her lips can land on his cheek a second time and captures her lips with his. His arms wrap around her waist and pretty soon I’m watching the two have an intimate moment.
“That’s my cue.” I place the mule cup in the sink.
“Are you sure?” Victoria breaks apart from Reed, but Reed doesn’t remove his hands from his girlfriend.
“Please, we don’t want to keep you from anything,” Reed jokes. At least I think he’s joking.
“No, I need to go buy all the cookies and ice cream Jewel has on its shelves and wallow at home by myself.”
My phone dings inside my purse and I pull it out as they follow me to the front door, finding a new text message from Glen.
“At least Dean did one thing for me tonight.”
“What’s that?” Vic asks, looking at the phone I’m holding out.
“He kept me from going out with this asshole.”
She reads the texts, her eyes widening more with each one. “Reed,” she says.
“I see it.” He snatches the phone away from me. Reads through them again. “Asshole.” Then he types.
“Reed what are you doing?” I ask.
“I’ll meet this guy in a dark alley and kick his ass for you.”
I snatch the phone back before he can finish whatever he’s going to say. “I’m a big girl.”
They both give me a look that says, ‘are you really?’ I hate that look. I get it enough from my parents.
“Let me know.” Reed winks yet again and then his phone rings in the other room. “See you, Chelsea.” He leans forward, kisses my cheek and jogs into the other room. “Reed Warner,” I hear him say when he answers.
“You really don’t have to go,” Victoria says.