“I didn’t want this. I could never have wanted this.” It took most of her strength, but she forced herself to take a step back from him. “There’s no need to bother your brother with watching over me. I’m not your responsibility anymore. Come to think of it, I never was.”
“Alice.” The moment she moved back, all hint of humor vanished from his eyes, and instead he focused on her like a sniper finding his target. “What you said yesterday—that you’ve never been in love before—made me realize something. You’ve never had a long-term relationship before, have you?”
She frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Just answer the question. You haven’t, have you?”
“I don’t even know what you’d call a long-term relationship. What’s the metric? Longer than a weekend?”
“That answers my question, so here’s the thing—you don’t know how relationships work.”
She sighed. She might be new to this, but she wasn’t a complete idiot. “Loki—”
“Just because a couple has an argument, it doesn’t mean they blow up the whole fucking relationship and call it quits. It’s just a pissy little argument. This was our first, and considering who we are, it’s undoubtedly not going to be our last.”
“That’s not why—”
“Arguments might suck ass, but they’re nothing to run away from. They happen for a shit-ton of reasons, and yeah, sometimes they hurt like hell. But they always, always clear the air. You might not even know that shit needs to be cleared until suddenly there you are, screaming your fucking lungs out at each other when it’s the last thing you thought you’d be doing. Then, when all that batshit craziness is over, you’re left with a better understanding of where your partner stands, where you stand, and most importantly, where you stand together. You just didn’t stick around for that part.”
God, he didn’t get it. “I know where you stand, Loki, and it’s not with me.”
“Bullshit. I never said anything like that, so don’t put words in my mouth.”
“And this wasn’t just an argument about you going to the Lower Lower, so don’t pretend that it was,” she plowed on, determined to make sure he didn’t shrug away her point of view like it was an irrelevant overreaction. “Yes, I’ll admit it upsets and worries me that you still feel the need to risk your health and maybe even your life by going down there to do a bare-knuckled brawl. And it sucks that you won’t even consider less dangerous options to work out your pent-up shit. But it was what you said that ended us.”
“For fuck’s sake, Alice, we’re not ended. People say plenty of dumbass shit when they argue, but it doesn’t actually mean anything.”
“It meant something when you said your business wasn’t any of my business,” she shot back coldly, while everything inside her shook until it was a wonder he couldn’t hear the rattle. “It meant something when you didn’t give a damn when I literally begged you to not go, because I was terrified you could be hurt. And it sure as hell meant something when you said you didn’t ask to be the center of my universe.”
He winced as if in pain. “Alice—”
“On that score, you should know that’s something you no longer have to worry about,” she added, steeling herself against weakening at the regret she thought she saw in his eyes. “I’ve given my two weeks’ notice at House Of Payne. I don’t want you to be the center of my universe anymore. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you’re not.”
A low growl rumbled out of him. “There you go again, putting words in my mouth.”
“I’m not wrong.”
“You couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. But you know I like a challenge,” he added with an almost feral grin that freaked her out more than she cared to admit. “We went too fast the first time around, so as of now we’re doing a reset. We’re going to take our time, go on all the dates you can imagine, and do all that wooing shit so you’ll understand that contrary to what you just said, I’ve got no problem with being the center of your universe.”
“You said you didn’t ask for it, and you said it in a way that made it clear you didn’t want it.”
“I say a lot of shit I don’t mean in the heat of the moment. Do yourself a favor and don’t listen to a damn thing I say when I’m pissed off.”
What was he, five? “I’m going to do myself a favor and not listen to you at all.”
“That’s going to be hard for you to do, when I’m determined to stay as the center of your universe. My advice is to get used to me being there.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” It took all her strength to not stomp her foot. “Open up your damn ears and listen to me, Loki. I’m not interested in what you have to offer, understand? When I see you coming, I’ll walk the other way. Wherever you are, that’s the place I will refuse to be. You blew it, so you don’t get to tell me we’re still together when I’ve decided we’re not.”
That earned her a narrow-eyed glance. “The two of us together…it’s not just good, Alice, or even great. It’s so out-fucking-standing it borders on some kind of weird, heaven-sent perfection. You really want to throw away something that rare because I fucked up, and you won’t give me a chance to un-fuck it up? You go the distance for the miracle we make together, Alice. You fight for it with everything you’ve got. I know you see that.”
“All I see is me heading back to my apartment, alone.” As long as she was the only one in their relationship who was in love, it was never going to work. The only way to protect herself from more heartbreak was to find the strength to walk away.
With that in mind, she turned and headed toward the nearest L platform, and refused to allow herself to look back.
Chapter Twenty-One
“The first thing I need to do this weekend is get a damn car.” Alice held the phone to her ear with one hand, slung a cross-body purse in place with the other, and surged out of the elevated train car with a handful of other people onto the platform. “Are you and Gus busy this weekend? I’d like to borrow your hubs for a couple hours to go car-shopping. Other than being able to drive one, I know zilch about cars.”
“Sure.” Joelle’s voice came through loud and clear as Alice made her way down the platform’s wooden steps to street level, before heading toward her apartment. Only half a mile to go, she inwardly groaned. “But be warned, Al—Gus will hate whatever car you choose unless he’s the one who guides you to it in the first place. Then you’re golden.”
“He better not guide me to a Ferrari or a Beamer. If he does, he’s buying it for me.”
“For you, Gus would do anything.” There was a momentary pause. “Since you want Gus to go car-shopping with you, I take it you’re still not talking to Loki?”
Alice sighed roughly as she stalked along the sidewalk. “When you put it like that, I sound like the bad guy, Jo. I’m not the bad guy here.”