She stared at him, drinking in his warm, oddly contented expression, and came to the only rational conclusion left to her. “I’m hallucinating.”
“Yeah?” He leaned in, once again taking her hand in his. “What are you seeing, baby?”
“You. Just you.”
“Then you’re not hallucinating. Right by your side is where you’re always going to find me.”
With everything in her, she wished she could believe what her injured brain was telling her was real. But… “This is too good to be true. You’re not like this when it comes to making room in your life for me. I thought you were, but you’re not.”
The flash of pain in his eyes shocked her. “I’m being as honest with you as I know how, Stems. No games, no holding back. I swear, this is exactly how I am when it comes to you. You are the center of every priority I’ve got. You’re my every thought and every dream, and there’s no point in making my way through this world if you’re not right there with me.”
She couldn’t help but gape at him. “My Loki told me to mind my own business and said he’d do whatever he wanted, no matter how much his actions scared me.”
“That Loki was a fucking asshole, and he’s never going to bother you again.”
That sounded nice. But if that Loki was an asshole… “Who is this Loki I’m talking to now?”
Gently he brushed her hair back with his free hand. I’m the guy who’ll do anything to keep you healthy and happy, and never wanting to leave me. I busted into a two-bit mobster’s base to get to you. I got you a job that’s in the same place where I work so I could see you every damn day. I stole your jacket in the hopes that you’d come to me to get it back. Stealing your jacket should’ve been my first clue that I was done for,” he added with a wry chuckle. “That action was proof-positive I was already neck-deep in it with no chance of escape.”
“Neck-deep in it,” she repeated as she tried and failed to make the fuzziness in her head go away. “Sorry, but I’m not following. Neck-deep in what?”
“Love,” came the simple reply that rocked her world. “I took your jacket that first day we met because I’d fallen for you in more ways than one, Alice Halliday. I’ve been in love with you from the moment you kicked my feet out from under me, and I’ve fallen harder for you every day since. But I’ll take this kind of fall any day, every day, for the rest of my life, and be damn happy to do it.”
Alice couldn’t stop staring at him. Love. Did he actually say it? Seriously, she had to be hallucinating. “This is…wow.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
Her mouth went off before any conscious thought formed. “You’re a damn numbskull for waiting until I had a concussion to tell me about it. I’m probably suffering a life-ending brain bleed and I’m dreaming this whole thing up as my life fades away.”
“Oh, it’s real. You just called me a numbskull after I told you that I love you. In any hearts-and-flowers fantasy, you’d never do that. Well,” he amended with a considering tilt to his head, “you probably would, now that I think about it. So I guess that means I’m just going to have to prove that I’m for real, and that I’m really crazy in love with you, for the rest of our lives. Maybe you’ll believe me thirty or forty years down the road.”
“And now you’re talking about forever.” She shook her head wonderingly, then winced and put a hand to the stitched-up lump at the back of her head beneath the mess of her blood-caked hair. Ew. “Okay, maybe this really is real. Not even my wildest dreams went so far as to think about us in terms of forever.”
“Why the hell not?” In an instant he sat bolt upright in his chair, all traces of humor vanishing. “Answer me, Alice.”
She didn’t have one. “Uh…”
“Why the fuck wouldn’t you think about forever with me? You think you’ll find someone who’ll understand your inner demons more than me? You think there’s a man alive who’d run through the fires of hell for you without a second thought? Because I would, make no fucking mistake about it. You and I are the very definition of ride-or-die, and that’s for the rest of our lives. You don’t even get a say in it.”
“I do, actually.” She had the weirdest urge to laugh, because his pissiness convinced her better than any flowery words that this was actually happening. Loki, the untamable god, loved her. Completely. Utterly.
Ride-or-die.
That was who they were.
Finally.
“I want you to know that I have no interest in trying to change you,” she whispered as happy tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. She never cried, but damn, a concussion and an unexpected confession of love would have gotten anyone’s tear ducts working overtime. “Just please try to understand that I’ll never be able to get over the fear of you putting yourself in harm’s way, and this is what you do when you go to the Lower Lower. I won’t hide that fear from you, because you need to know that the possibility of you getting hurt or killed makes me physically sick. If that’s a burden you don’t want to bear, you need to bail on me now, before it’s too late.” It was already too late for her, but she couldn’t lie to him. This, she’d learned, was part of what it was to be loved—to bear the burden of other people’s needs. To be complete, she needed him to stay safe and healthy. That was probably too much to ask of a Gravedigger man, but that wasn’t going to stop her from trying.
“I was a goddamn idiot for not understanding what you were trying to tell me,” he said in a haunted tone, and once again he brought her hand to his lips. “When you said you were scared something would happen to me, I honestly didn’t get it. See, in the Gravedigger world, people don’t give that much of a shit about each other. People get hurt, people die, and no one cares. So that day when you tried explaining how scared you were for my safety, I just didn’t fucking get it. And then I got the call that you’d been taken.”
The raw anguish in his eyes made her own sting with wetness. “Loki. Baby.”
“I’ll never be able to forget that moment,” he said just above a whisper. “Sitting here right now with you, I’m still living in that moment. It’s worse than dying.”
“Loki, I’m right here. You saved me.”
“But you were gone, Alice. You were gone from me, and I didn’t know if I’d ever get you back.” His throat worked hard on a swallow, and it made her own throat almost close up with a painful knot. “I’ve never had a moment where I knew, without a doubt, that this was what hell felt like.”
Her fingers tightened on his. “Baby, I’m safe now. It’s over.”
“My hell on earth is losing you,” he whispered against her knuckles, and his fingers squeezed hers almost painfully. “I was a total dumbass for not understanding that this was how you felt. You were trying to tell me, but I didn’t fucking listen. I didn’t get it.”
“Do you get it now?”
There was a faint tremor in the breath he took. “Hell, yeah, I do. That’s why there’s no way I’m ever going to go down to the Lower Lower again. I could never put you through that. That’s the one surefire way to lose you, so fuck it. You’re the only thing in my life that matters, and I’m a goddamn idiot for not realizing that sooner. I’m so sorry, Stems. Swear to God, I’ll never be that stupid again. Please, just give me a chance to prove that to you. Let me prove that you are my everything.”