“I thought you were sleeping when I didn’t see the light on,” he commented, taking a step into the room and stopping awkwardly right inside the door. He made no move to come closer. Neither did I. We were taking each other in, seeing where we stood after our romp in the bed earlier.
Seconds passed and the silence between us grew. Doubt began to fill my thoughts. What if he used me? What if it is a ruse? Fear began to grip my heart as my thoughts rebelled further away from what I desperately wanted.
“Umm...” Duke started fumblingly with his words. “Would you like to join me for dinner in the dining room?”
My heart soared, and I raced into his arms. Duke caught me as I jumped into him, laying kisses all over his face. “Whoa!” he exclaimed, laughing and placing me back on the ground, “This doesn’t change anything, Natalie. I need you to know that.”
I nodded. Everything had changed. That's what I knew no matter what Duke believed.
I dressed in the best garments Duke had given me, sweats and a T-shirt, and I felt subconscious being escorted down the hallway by Duke. I tugged at the hem of the shirt trying, to get the wrinkles out, and then Duke’s breath was on my ear. “You look sexy in my shirt.”
My nerves began to relax a little. I was on edge at being outside the room, and it had been so long since I hadn’t devoured my food like a savage dog, I didn’t even know if I could eat correctly at a table.
A shiver swept through me when I walked by the basement door and then the office. It didn’t go unnoticed by Duke, and his hand came to my lower back, giving me comfort. We were in a fragile state, trying to feel each other out as our relationship evolved from jailer and inmate to lovers and maybe someday partners.
The dining room glowed with candlelight, and the aroma of fresh flowers filled the space. The table was set beautifully with every detail made to precision. Even a wine bottle chilled at one corner, and I licked my lips at the thought of having wine. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had some.
Duke pulled the chair out for me and served me the chicken dinner with potatoes and veggies. He poured me a small glass of wine. I eyed him up when he stopped pouring under a half of glass, and he gave a sly smile in return.
“I think this is more than enough,” he said, setting the wine bottle at the far end of the table.
We enjoyed a pleasant dinner together, not touching on anything deep, making only small talk, and when the dishes were done, the nervousness began to tumble back into my stomach, throwing it into knots, unsure as to what would happen since that dinner was over and the night was coming to an end. The act of having dinner and helping clean up seemed so ordinary to me. It felt great, and I never thought in my life I would enjoy doing dishes so much.
Duke sensed my uneasiness, and he took my hand and led me upstairs, past my door and into a much larger and masculine space. His room.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Duke
That time I took my time exploring Natalie’s body like it was the first time, pouring myself into making her understand without having to tell her that she was mine, and I would do anything for her, and when she came hard around me followed by me, the intensity of the moment connected us in a way I couldn’t even imagine.
She drew circles on my chest with her finger as we lay together afterwards. I could sense something was on her mind, but I didn’t push because I knew what it was going to be about. Finally, as I was just about to fall asleep and my breathing becoming heavier, she asked, “Will you please tell me something to make this okay? Anything? I don’t care how small the tidbit is. I need something,” she pleaded, and I tightened my arm around her, bringing her closer into my side so that we felt like one.
“Nat...” I began, and she stopped me with her finger coming across my lips, shushing me.
“Please,” she begged, and I could feel her tears falling on my side. My heart fluttered out of apprehension. There were still too many unknowns. Too many things that could go wrong, but I had kept her in captivity for weeks while I plotted and planned and asked her to trust me. It was time to give her something.
I took in a huge breath and then let it out, “You have no idea. I’ve wanted to tell you everything so many times.”
“Then tell me,” she said more forcefully and then softer, “I need to know.”
When I didn’t say anything, she added, “Did you kill those women?” Her word hitched as they came out. She wanted to know but didn’t at the same time. The truth might be too much for her, and I was fearful that when she learned the truth, she’d look at me differently. Hate me for what I did, even if my intentions were always good. She might not see it that way.
“What? No,” I said.
“The pictures?” she questioned. Of course, that’s what she’d see. How could someone not see me as villainous with all the evidence on my laptop and in the office?
“They are the women I’ve been researching, not killing,” I said matter-of-factly.
She was quiet, waiting for me to continue. Again, I took a deep breath and dove into the whole story. If I stopped then, I’d never get it out. “I used to be married, Natalie,” I started, and I could feel her stiffen in my side. I wanted to look into her eyes and see the acknowledgment there, but I was scared of what I would actually find there. “My wife, Shonna, was my world. We were each other’s everything, and she even understood the toll being a detective's wife would take on us. The long hours, the consuming days and nights, the struggle. She never waived. She was strong, and her strength gave me strength. I never thought I’d find someone like that, but then by either coincidence or because we got too close to something, I don’t know, but then she was gone. Killed by the same person who was running just under my fingertips. Brutally murdered like the others.” I hopped up from the bed, leaving Natalie falling against the pillow.
She plopped up on her knees as I paced the room in front of her. “I’m so sorry, Duke. I had no idea.” Her words felt sincere, and she encouraged me to go on, and when I finally looked into her eyes, I could see relief and comfort there. I fell to my knees at the side of the bed, and she crawled to me and laid my head in her lap where she ran her fingers through my hair.
“I think I understand now,” she whispered.
Angrily I jumped from her lap and was pacing once again. “No. You don’t understand. The more you know, the more danger you’re in. I can’t let that happen again, Natalie. Can’t you see that?”
She flinched at my words and then added, “Actually, no, I don’t see that because you’ve kept me shut out. Shut away. That was your choice, not mine. Can’t you see that?” she spat back.
“I can. I can. When you saw those pictures and wouldn’t let me explain, I couldn’t blame you. I would have thought the same thing, but I’m so close. It’s only a matter of time before I bring the bastard down. I couldn’t take a chance that your innocence would have brought it all tumbling down.”
“So, you kidnapped me. Who does that?”
“It’s all I know. It’s how I was trained. It was what I did when underground. When undercover.”
“This sounds dangerous. Why not let the police take care of it?” she asked.