“I broke up with Lewis.”
Jax’s announcement met Claire the second she cleared the front door. “You what?”
“I was waiting for him at his apartment door when he came home, I handed him his box of crap he’d started leaving here, and I said goodbye.”
Claire dropped her backpack, dumped her purse on top of it, walked over to the couch, and pulled her friend in for a hug.
Jax sniffled and hugged her back.
When Claire leaned away, she looked hard in Jax’s eyes. “Is this an ice cream breakup, a tequila breakup, or a trip to Vegas breakup?”
Jax wiped a tear from her eye. “Vegas sounds perfect, but we both have school tomorrow.”
That was laughable.
“So, tequila?”
“Make it wine . . . no, champagne.”
“Bubbles?”
“Yeah.”
Claire pushed off the couch to fill her request. When she returned, Jax had curled back up on the couch with a blanket over her legs. Claire handed her a glass and joined her.
“Okay, tell me everything.”
Twenty minutes later the story was out, and Claire was refilling Jax’s glass.
“You know what really made me do it?” Jax asked.
“You had so many reasons.”
“The part about him saying I didn’t have to work. I mean, for God’s sake, has he listened to nothing I’ve told him in the last six months?”
“You know what he heard? ‘Blah, blah, blah . . . level up . . . blah, oh, sex . . . blah, blah, level up, connections . . . and more sex.’”
Jax released a long breath. “I know. I shouldn’t have ever told him about my family. Then it would have been ‘Blah, blah, blah . . . sex, sex, sex. Blah, blah.’”
Claire smiled when Jax did.
“He even started telling me he loved me.”
Claire almost spat out her bubbles. “He what?”
“It happened right after we started this assignment. I think he saw me getting excited about work and felt cockblocked.”
“He wouldn’t be wrong about the cockblocking. Do we even have groceries?”
Jax laughed until it dwindled to a chuckle. “Damn.”
Claire watched while reality settled.
“Am I going to be one of those people who has to hide their family?”
Claire bit her lip to keep her thoughts from becoming words. At least you have a family to hide. “I don’t know,” she said instead.
“I’m wallowing.”
Claire reached for the bottle. “You’re allowed. You just broke up with a guy. It’s a free pass for feeling sorry for yourself.”
Jax tilted the glass back. “You know what really bugged me about Lewis?”
All Claire had to do was be silent to get the answer.
“My parents would have loved if I brought Lewis home. It wouldn’t matter if he was a decent guy. Wouldn’t matter if he really loved me. He has the right pedigree.”
“And that makes you a mare.”
Jax lifted her head from the couch, sat up. “All I’ve ever been to my family is a burden. If I marry well and bring them something, I am something. Bringing Lewis is exactly what they want.”
They both took a heavy pull from their glasses. Some of that wallowing dissipated. In all the things Claire had to think and worry about, disappointing a mother or a father wasn’t one of them. Wanting their love . . . yeah, she wanted that. Her mere existence disappointed them enough to leave her the moment she took her first breath.
“Good thing we’re not living our lives for someone else’s approval.”
“Amen!” Jax grabbed the bottle, refilled glasses.
Claire tucked Jax into bed, reminded her she was her own woman, and left her snoring friend.
She sent a message to Neil and the team. Told them Jax was taking the next day off.
After a shower and slipping into a simple baggy T-shirt to sleep in, Claire pulled one of the yearbooks from her backpack and started flipping pages.
Her eyes kept sliding to the digital clock on her nightstand.
She put her AirPods in her ears to keep at least half of the conversation from anyone who may be listening. She trusted Neil with her safety . . . privacy, not so much.
Cooper picked up on the first ring.
“Go home and do your homework?”
Claire curled up in bed, a water bottle in her hand.
“Hey, I’m an upstanding staff member. I need to start talking like one.” Cooper answered as if they were in the middle of a conversation.
“You know, I think you like bossing me around.” Claire flipped the page.
Cooper was silent for a moment.
“What?” Claire asked.
“I’m not commenting on that one.”
“Dangerous ground?” she asked, teasing.
His silence made her laugh.
“Jax broke up with Lewis tonight.”
“Ohhh . . . is that a bad thing?”
“No. Still sucks. He called her and started giving her crap about not being around for him. She was at school. Ally was there. He was never right for her.”
“How is she?”
“I poured her into bed. Taking tomorrow off.”
Cooper chuckled. “That’s fair.”
She turned a page, looked past all the pictures of previous Auburn seniors.
“What are you doing right now?” he asked.
“I’m doing homework, in bed.”
Silence.
She stopped leafing through the pages. “And don’t ask what I’m wearing.”
He moaned. “That was mean.”
“Oh, was it?” It was good to laugh.
“Yeah. Now I want to know exactly what you wear to bed.”
“I’m not going to tell you.”
Was that Cooper growling?
Claire closed the yearbook and rubbed her eyes. “This is weird, Cooper.”
He paused. “Weird good or weird bad?”
“I don’t know, just weird. It’s like the rules changed overnight. And now, every comment, every joke, every look is charged, you know?”
“And that’s bad.” His voice sounded strangled.
Claire tried to grasp on to her feelings, which was never an easy thing for her. “Not bad,” she decided out loud. “Weird. Upended. That’s what it is. I’ll feel turned around and not sure which way to step or what to say.”
“That doesn’t sound like you.”
“I know.”
“How about going with your gut. Instead of thinking, just step or turn. Move forward.”
She shoved the yearbook off her lap and kicked the covers off her legs. “For the first time since I left Richter, I’m worried I’ll make a wrong move and regret it.”
“Will you do me a favor?” he asked.
“Depends on what it is.”
“I’m probably shooting my own foot, but when you stop thinking and start feeling, will you act on that?”
“That could go wrong.” In so many ways.
“Maybe, but it’s your truth. When I joined the service, I just jumped, went with my gut. Six months in I was like What the hell did I do?”
Claire laughed at that.
“But that didn’t last long. Yeah, I wanted out after four years, but I came out a different person. When I signed up to work for Neil, I knew it was the right choice. It filled that part of me that I joined the service for, without tying my hands the way the service did. I thought I was the luckiest bastard in the world. I got paid doing the shit I love to do with enough of an adrenaline rush to make me feel alive.”