“Why not? It would go a long way toward proving you’re on our team. Sharing intel, helping track down these assholes. You want to be part of the team that goes after Absalom, right? This could be how you make that happen.”
“Or, it could be the perfect excuse to lock me up and start treating me like a lab experiment. If they think there’s a way to track him down, they’ll take it, even if it means using me as a tool instead of a human being.”
He spun in his chair to face her. “They wouldn’t do that. I won’t let them.”
“Do you really think you could stop them?” She set her mug down on the desktop and folded her arms across her chest. “How?”
“Nova Force isn’t like Absalom. They don’t treat people that way.”
She arched a pale brow. “Says the man who was coerced into joining up to protect his father from prison.”
“That’s not the same thing. We broke the law.”
“And now they limit your access to cyberspace, dictate what projects are acceptable for you to work on. You’ve kept that device you use to speak to me on my internal channel a secret from them. From everyone. Because you’re worried they won’t approve. They’re not as bad as Absalom and the Gray Men, but they’re far from perfect.”
“They’re the reason you’re free right now.” His voice came out sharper than she’d heard from him before, and she took a step back.
“Free?” She threw out her arms in frustration to gesture around her. “This is not freedom, Eric. I’m not allowed to leave this area without an escort. My location is constantly monitored, and I spend hours every day answering questions I’ve already answered hundreds of times. Yesterday I had to undergo another series of scans. As if the dozen or so previous examinations might have missed something, or I could spontaneously grow new implants. Even the med-techs were unhappy that they had to do it again, and they were very kind and apologetic, but it still happened.”
“I know. And I’m sorry.” He stood up and the air around him crackled with sudden tension. “I don’t like it, either. But if you could just give them something that proves your loyalty, then maybe—"
She cut him off with an angry snarl. “My loyalty? I’m not loyal to anyone but myself. I can’t be.”
“Not even me?”
She was too angry to throttle back on her next words before they were out of her mouth. “Why would I be? Because you rescued me? Because you’re kind to me? I’m grateful, but that doesn’t mean I’m beholden to you for the rest of my life.”
“But we’re together!”
“We’re sleeping together, yes. At least, we do sometimes, when you’re there instead of out here, working one of your projects.”
He growled in frustration, one hand running through his hair. “Dammit, Echo, I’m not…” He stopped talking and his mouth fell open for a moment.
“What did you call me?”
“Nyx. Holy fraxx, I’m sorry. It’s just … we… I mean she and I had this conversation once, about my leaving the bed in the middle of the night, and I… Dammit, I’m sorry. I know you’re not her.”
“Stop talking. Just. Stop.” She’d known so many kinds of pain in her life, but nothing like this. Her heart had been shredded by his words, leaving her hollow and hurting. She’d let this go on too long, let him get too close. Emotionally compromised. That’s what they worried had happened to Eric. Jokes on them. I’m the one that’s compromised. I can’t even tell what’s real anymore. I let myself take over a dead woman’s life.
“Nyx. I’m sorry.”
“So am I.” She wanted to say so much more. To berate him. Hurt him. But that wouldn’t be fair. He’d never promised her anything. She had the face and form of a woman who had meant something to him, once. He’d told her they weren’t the same, but they were clones. Identical. Interchangeable. She’d been living someone else’s life, and it was time to end the charade.
“Nyx.”
“I need to get dressed.”
He moved so he was standing between her and his bedroom. “You need to stay and talk to me. Please.” So much emotion packed into a single word. Please. Part of her wanted to latch onto the regret in his voice. To forgive. To push it aside so she could pretend a little while longer. That part of her needed to shut up and move on.
“If I’m really free, then only one person gets to decide what I need to do, and that’s me. You don’t get a say, Eric.”
His next words made it even harder to ignore the part of her that wanted to stay. “You’re right. All I can do is ask. The choice is yours.” He stepped aside. “So, I’m asking you to stay.”
His comms chirped in an undeniably urgent pattern. He cursed. “Fraxx. That’s Rossi. I have to answer it.”
“And I have to get dressed.” She walked past him without looking.
She listened in to his conversation while she changed. Her hearing was too good not to hear everything that was said even if she’d closed the door, so she didn’t bother with the pretense. Things started out fine, but it only took a few seconds for her to know something was wrong.
“Yes, sir. I’ll report to you as soon as—sir? I’m not even dressed—”
Rossi barked something from his side.
“Yessir. I’m on my way.”
She’d never heard Eric use so many ‘sirs’ the entire time she’d known him. Something was happening. Something serious.
He flew into the room seconds later, grabbing a fresh uniform out of the closet with one hand as he tore his t-shirt off with the other. Any other day, she’d have enjoyed the view, But no. She wasn’t going to ogle him. That was over, too.
“Trouble?” She asked as she tugged on her shoes. She hadn’t planned on saying anything, but the words came out anyway. Probably a short circuit caused by all that sculpted muscle on display.
He gave her a strained look. “I can’t say anything. Orders.”
Her anger came back, stronger than ever. “He ordered you not to talk to me. These are the people you think I should trust?”
“Nyx, wait. I have to go, but we still need to talk. Later?”
She brushed past him without looking his way or saying anything. There was nothing left to say.
“Nyx!”
“Report to your commander, Ensign. He didn’t sound like a man that should be kept waiting.” She managed to keep her tone cool and level, and if there were hot tears on her cheeks as she walked out the door, there was no one around to see. She was alone, which was how it had to be.
Chapter Eleven
Fraxx. Fraxx. Fraxx!
He’d screwed up with Nyx on a galactic scale. Worse than that, he’d hurt her. He’d seen that in her eyes before she’d retreated behind her emotional walls. How could he have been that stupid?
He scrubbed a hand over his face. He was tired, true. And he’d been too focused on the mission to pay proper attention to her, or to what he was saying. Worse, he couldn’t fix it, yet, because he was being ordered to report to HQ on the double. In fact, Dax had implied that if he wasn’t there fast enough, someone would come looking for him. What the hell was going on? And why now? “Fraxx!”