‘You should never be neglected, Lila, and Ben was a fool for leaving you, but we’ve already established that fact several times.’ He smiled to show he was teasing her about the times he’d become annoyed with a man he’d never met.
‘Perhaps, but if he wasn’t happy then staying with me, marrying me would have been a big mistake. Imagine if we had got married and had children. It would have been awful to know he’d have felt trapped. Or, he might have left me and them, and that would have been so much worse. At least he went when he did, although I do think he could have done it a bit more carefully.’
‘Idiot!’ Ethan shook his head and Lila laughed.
‘I love it when you call him that.’
‘You were saying you’re going to grow your business but what of your life apart from that?’
She pursed her lips and frowned.
‘I thought I wanted to get married and have a family. After my childhood, I think I wanted to have a stable, loving family unit of my own. Any therapist would probably tell you that it’s perfectly natural to yearn for that security, I guess. But that was before Ben left and now… I’m not sure.’
‘I wanted a family too.’ Ethan’s chest tightened. ‘It was something I took for granted… I assumed it would happen but none of us know what’s around the corner, do we?’
‘We don’t.’
They sat in silence for a while and Ethan watched as Lila’s cats stretched out in the spring sunshine, their furry bellies exposed to the gentle warmth. Ethan’s mobile buzzed so he pulled it from his pocket and checked the screen. It was his mother asking him to pick up something for heartburn from the shop.
It was probably a sign that it was time for him to make a move.
‘I’ll give you a hand with the dishes then I’d better get going as Mum wants something for heartburn.’
He stood up and stretched then carried some of the plates inside and Lila followed him.
‘Is she okay?’ Lila asked.
‘Her text just said she had heartburn so I guess so.’
‘I have some indigestion tablets here that you can take.’
‘There’s no need. I can buy some.’
‘Please, I insist.’
Lila opened a cupboard and brought out a basket then rooted around in it and produced a packet of tablets.
‘What if you need them?’ Ethan asked.
‘I have more upstairs.’
‘Okay, if you’re sure.’
‘I am.’
Lila put the basket away and turned to Ethan. ‘Don’t worry about the dishes. I’ll pop them in the dishwasher when you’re gone.’
‘I don’t like to eat and run.’
‘You’re not. We’ve been sitting in the garden for two and a half hours. And it’s no problem. I might actually take that nap when you go anyway.’
‘Right then… I’ve packed up all my equipment and will take most of it now but if it’s okay, I’ll come back for the ladder later?’
‘Of course.’
They walked through the cottage to the front hallway and Ethan reached for the door handle.
‘Ethan, wait!’
The urgency in Lila’s voice surprised him and he froze. Lila placed a hand on his arm and he turned to her. What he saw in her eyes shocked him to his core because it was what he’d seen in his eyes in the mirror. It was a messy mixture of emotions from confusion, to hope, to anguish, to need, and more. Standing in front of him was a woman who wanted to live, who wanted to love and be loved, but who had been hurt and was terrified of being hurt again.
‘What is it, Lila?’ he asked as he gently stroked her cheek with his free hand, unable to stop himself touching her in this moment. ‘Tell me.’
She frowned then rose onto her tiptoes and took his face in both of her hands. He lowered his head to hers and as their lips touched, a spark lit and electricity ran through his entire body making his heart race and his body awaken as if from a deep sleep. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, kissing her softly at first then harder, feeling her mould into him as they gave in to their desire.
He was about to scoop her up in his arms and carry her upstairs when something inside him screeched like the brakes of a car. He broke off the kiss and shook his head.
What was he doing? How could he kiss another woman when he was still married to Tilly, still loved Tilly and always would do?
Lila gazed up at him, her face contorting with changing emotions, her eyes filled with fear and doubt. Ethan’s throat burned and he wanted to speak to her, to reassure her, but he couldn’t say a word.
‘Ethan… I’m sorry. This was wrong, wasn’t it? Too soon? Too much? Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed. I shouldn’t have reached for you, shouldn’t have kissed you. Please… forgive me. It was the champagne and the sunshine and it all went straight to my head and…’ She pushed her hands back through her hair and held them there, Ethan could see that she was holding tight because her knuckles had turned white. He hated himself for doing this to her, just as he had feared he would.
Ethan sucked in a breath and released it, but still he couldn’t speak.
‘You should go, Ethan. Please. Go now.’
Lila lowered her hands and pointed at the door. Her beautiful eyes glistened with tears and Ethan wanted to pull her close and comfort her, but something inside him had snapped and he was unable to be what she needed him to be right then and there. He had a terrible sense of letting her down just as he had let Tilly down.
So he opened the door and stepped outside.
‘Ethan?’
He turned, wanting her to reach for him again but she didn’t, she was merely holding out his toolbox and painting tray.
‘Goodbye, Ethan.’
Lila closed the door then, and as her lovely face disappeared from view, he gasped. This was painful, it was overwhelming and it was…
Like waking up after a long, long time asleep.
Because finally, something other than his grief for Tilly had made him feel deeply again and that something was Lila Edwards.
9
Lila ran her hand over Cleo’s soft fur and the cat purred loudly. Thank goodness for her cats and friends, she didn’t know how she’d have got through the last four weeks without them. After Ethan had left (following their picnic and that kiss) Lila had been devastated. She had thought there was a connection between them, had read more into his offering of the picnic than she should have and Ethan had fled her home without saying a word.
It had brought all of the pain and confusion surrounding Ben’s abandonment of her right back and she’d had to face up to it, really face up to it and deal with it. Roxie had been her rock, hugging her, drying her tears, filling her wine glass then, finally, telling her that she had to get up and keep going, that she couldn’t allow another man to bring her life to a halt.
But for Lila, it hadn’t been Ethan who’d brought her life to a halt, it had been Ben and everything he’d stood for, everything Lila had believed they had. Obviously, Ethan’s apparent rejection of her following such a passionate kiss had knocked her confidence, had been quite humiliating, but she didn’t know him well enough to be deeply wounded by him. She liked Ethan, liked him a lot, but when he’d left her house that day, she’d been forced to take a good look at herself and accept that she wasn’t ready to be with another man. Not yet, anyway. However, the kiss with Ethan and their time together had given her hope, because she had felt something for him. It had been something positive that had made her heart beat faster, awakened desire inside her and made her realise that she did have a lot to offer a relationship; she was not hideous, undesirable and worthless. Lila was a warm, strong, caring person and one day, she might well meet the man who would see that. Until then, she’d be just fine as she was, and if it never happened, then that would be all right too because she had her cats, her friends and her business to focus on. A loving romantic relationship would simply be the icing on her wonderful cake.