“I’ve just been to see her. She looks good. Her pacemaker surgery will be at the end of the week.” She paused. “Will you keep me posted on how she’s doing?”
“Of course. Though you know you could always reach out directly to Nate.”
Not now. After she had basically done all she could to push him away. She let out a breath, trying not to press a hand to her heart and the ache there.
“I don’t think he’ll want to hear from me.”
Rachel frowned. “Why not?”
At the innocent question, she pictured him as she was driving away, his features set and his eyes shadowed. Their kiss the other night replayed in her mind, stunning and tender and wonderful.
She was right, wasn’t she? Leaving now was for the best. She wasn’t the kind of woman who could stick around. As hard as it had been to say goodbye to them all today, how much worse would it be if she let herself become completely entangled in their world?
She would only end up hurting all of them.
While she might know all of that intellectually, her heart was another story entirely.
What if she was wrong? What if she had never been the staying sort because she hadn’t yet met the right person she cared enough about?
All the emotions and regrets she had been working to contain suddenly seemed to trickle free. She could feel a tear leak out and tried desperately to wipe it away before Rachel could see.
No such luck. Her sister’s gaze intensified.
“Why won’t Nate want to hear from you?” she asked again.
Jess wanted to bury her face in her hands and cry. “Because I might have just made the worst mistake of my life,” she whispered.
Rachel wiped her hands on her cute frilly apron again and came closer to stare at her. “What’s happened?”
Jess didn’t want to tell her but somehow the words came gushing out and she spilled everything.
“He said he was falling in love with you? Just like that? How do you feel about it?” Rachel asked.
“Terrified,” she whispered.
Only then could she admit to herself that fear was at the core of everything.
She had faced tough soldiers, learning to drive every vehicle under the sun, dangerous conditions with snipers and IEDs and hostiles everywhere she turned.
None of that had scared her as much as the idea of giving her heart completely to Nate Whitaker.
“I...may have feelings for him, too,” she finally said.
“That’s great. Nate’s a wonderful guy! So what’s the problem?”
How could she explain to Rachel, who had always been a hopeless romantic, that the idea of love could feel like a trap?
“I’m not cut out for all this.” She gestured to the kitchen, to the toddler smashing bread dough on the table, to the Instagram kitchen with its gleaming pots and pans and the Families Are Forever sign on the wall.
“No. You’re not. This is my life, the one I love. You’ve created your own. You’re an amazing woman, Jess. Strong, courageous, kind.”
Jess swallowed, love for her baby sister seeping through her to heal a few more of the cracks.
“If Nate wanted a domestic goddess like me, don’t you think that’s the kind of woman he would look for? Instead, he fell for prickly, difficult, wonderful you. You’re the one he wants. A smart woman would jump on that like Freckles on a grasshopper.”
Jess wanted to believe her. She could picture a life with Nate and Sophie and Eleanor. She wouldn’t have to give up her business. She and Yvette had worked too hard to build Transitions. But maybe she could focus more on helping people in this region so she didn’t have to travel as much. The idea was tempting...and dangerous.
“What if I turn into Mom?” she whispered.
There it was. The moment the words were out, she realized this was the fear she hadn’t even dared voice to herself. If she allowed herself to love someone fully, would she turn into her mother, needy, desperate, pathetic?
“Oh, Jess.”
Rachel hugged her close. “We are not our mother. Or our father, thank God. Love—real love—doesn’t make you clingy and weak. Just the opposite. It gives you strength to follow your dreams. To stay up all night with a sick baby for days on end. To take on challenges you never imagined with grace and dignity because you know you have someone by your side who will do anything under the sun to help you.”
Jess closed her eyes, letting the words and the truth of them wash over her.
She wanted that. So much.
She might never be the sort of woman who would bake bread in the morning on a whim.
That didn’t mean she had nothing to give.
Nate told her he was falling in love with her. She felt the same. Didn’t she owe it to both of them to take a chance, to see if these fragile new feelings could take root and grow into something more?
If she could take root somewhere and grow into something more?
“What do I do?” she asked.
Rachel shrugged. “He wants you to stay awhile longer. Why not? You told me you don’t have to be in Las Vegas for a week. Why not stay here during that time? You could be here for him while Eleanor has her pacemaker surgery and spend a little more time with Nate and Sophie. Then you can go on to your next job and see where things take you from there.”
She was so very tempted, even as fear still had a tight grip on her.
No. She couldn’t let the darkness of her childhood determine the decisions she made as an adult. Rachel had moved on and built a beautiful life here in Cape Sanctuary. She and Cody were happy together, even if their life wasn’t always perfect.
Why couldn’t Jess have that with Nate?
She wanted it suddenly, with a ferocity that shocked her.
“Besides,” Rachel said, “I have an ulterior motive to want you to give Nate a chance, especially if it means I could spend more time with you.”
“That would be a bonus,” Jess said with a smile.
“Hi, Jess.”
She and Rachel both jerked their attention to the table where Silas was still happily squishing bread dough. “Did he just say my name?”
Rachel’s eyes sparkled. “It sounded like it. Si, who’s that?”
“Jess.” He pointed a glob of dough at her and Jess’s throat tightened with emotion.
“That’s right! Good job, buddy.”
“Jess,” he said again. “Jess. Jess. Jess.”
Each time her nephew said her name, Jess’s heart seemed to expand.