“I love you too.”
When I got home to Linc’s, I’d already made the decision to just have Linc move the most important things over, and the rest we could either put in storage or get rid of. I’d barely put the key in the lock of the front door when I was hit with the scent of something sickeningly sweet.
“Hello, Kennedy.”
Royal.
Before I could move or scream or do any of the dozen things I could do to defend myself, Royal had his arms wrapped around my neck and head, pressing a cloth to my face.
I held my breath as long as I could, hoping that someone would drive by, but he punched me in the kidney and I gasped for air against the pain, breathing in whatever he’d doused the cloth in.
I’m going to die, and I didn’t even get to live yet.
25
Kennedy
“Tell me you love me, Kennedy. Tell me that everything you did was a mistake. That you didn’t let him touch you. Tell me that you belong to me.”
Fucking Royal.
His voice made me sick, but I couldn’t open my eyes to see exactly what was happening around me or where we were. I could smell him, though. The same expensive cologne he’d insisted on wearing so that everyone knew he was powerful.
While I sat there, trying to figure out exactly what was happening, there were a couple of things that became painfully obvious. The first of which was that he wanted to break me. Just like he’d done before. And the second was that I couldn’t even move my fingers. When his hand grabbed my face, squeezing my cheeks together so painfully I thought I’d cry, I hoped for the peace of oblivion. If he knocked me out again, I wouldn’t feel what he did to my body. What I knew he planned on doing, because he’d done it a hundred different times before. My lungs already ached with the memory, but faced with the imminent threat, the pain jumped into hyperdrive.
Breathe.
I had to force myself to calm down. I had to deny him of the joy he’d get from hurting me. Royal might kill me, but he wouldn’t win.
He couldn’t break me. Not anymore.
Impossible as it seemed when I faced the reality of my situation, my body started to drift away, back to the warm embrace the darkness around me offered. The oblivion I so desperately needed.
“Not so fast, Kennedy.”
I was moving. He carried me, the smell of his disgusting cologne surrounding me like an old friend, and I wanted to gag. My throat wouldn’t respond, though, so the bile sat in my stomach, waiting for a chance to revolt.
“You don’t get to miss this,” he hissed. “You don’t get to sleep through the pain you have to feel. The lies you have to confront. You know what you have to do. Take your punishment like a good girl, and maybe I’ll keep you around. Maybe I’ll give you back your life.”
He dropped me in water, and I still couldn’t open my eyes.
Cold.
Whatever he used to knock me out had been powerful. I couldn’t even struggle when he shoved my head under the ice-cold water. I couldn’t pull away when he started wrapping his hand in my hair and held me down under the water so that my entire face was submerged. I could barely even feel the water on my skin, soaking through my clothes.
I knew the game. I knew exactly what he wanted me to do. How I could survive for a few seconds longer. Hold my breath until it burned, until I couldn’t focus or think of anything but my next taste of fresh air. Then thrash and move and show him how powerful he was. Give him that and let him control whether I lived or died. Only then would he let me up for those great gasping breaths that I needed to pull into my lungs.
But I was done playing the game.
Even drugged and unable to fully understand what was happening or even move, I knew it was over. Royal was going to kill me and I couldn’t do anything about it. Not with my body refusing to listen to my attempts to move. The only thing working in my favor was my brain. My ability to control how I died. A death I wouldn’t give him.
Stupid girl.
I should have had the escort. I should have let someone follow me home. So many shoulds.
I hope Linc doesn’t find my body.
It would destroy him to have to see me that way. Him and my dad. They shouldn’t have to bury another loved one. Hopefully Royal would hide my body and make it impossible to know what happened to me. Maybe he’d build a lie around how I ran away from my life, seeking a change. Maybe they’d believe him, and no one else would die. Maybe I could live on in their memories.
Royal shook me under the water, trying determine if I was unconscious or not. I hadn’t moved a single muscle, even though I wanted to.
I didn’t move. I didn’t try to save myself by giving Royal what he wanted. I didn’t try to push away or breathe the water that would make me choke and give him a reaction. Instead, I found the strength to open my eyes, and I stared at the monster he had turned into through the shifting water. Black, beady eyes met mine, full of rage and arousal.
But I still didn’t play his twisted little game.
Royal didn’t get that part of me. Not anymore. He didn’t control me. He never would.
I was going to die.
And I was going to win.
Thirty seconds passed in the blink of an eye, then more ticked by as he held me under the water. My chest was on fire as the need for air tried to overpower my will to win, but I didn’t move. Even if he let go of me, I wouldn’t move. My fingertips were going numb, the lack of oxygen cutting off the circulation and adding even more pain to my already overwhelmed body. Still, I could feel needles pricking the tips of my toes and my legs, so whatever he gave me must be wearing off.
I smiled.
I might be dying, yeah, but I smiled just the same. I smiled for all the pain I knew he couldn’t inflict on me anymore. I smiled because Royal might have gotten away with what he did to Mallory, but there wasn’t a chance in Hell that he’d get away with killing me.
I might die, but he’d finally pay the price for his actions.
When my vision started to go black, I knew that I finally won. I might have killed myself by his hands, but I won and there was nothing Royal could do about it. I welcomed death like an old friend, smiling the entire time.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Cassie was there, screaming in my face even though I couldn’t see her.
“Winning.” I laughed and answered the hallucination.
“Do you know how stupid everyone is? First, Casper gets fucking shot because of me. Then you go and decide to be a hero. Seriously, Kennedy. What the hell is wrong with our family? Are you trying to die? Play the fucking game and let him think he’s winning. That’s how you win. You lull him into a sense of security, and then you cut his head off with the machete you hid under his bed but never had the courage to use. He won’t get to the baseball bat he used to hit you with in time. Take him by surprise and really win.”
Her face appeared above mine, visible this time, and when I felt the rapid weight on my chest, I knew that someone was giving me CPR, trying to bring me back to life.
“You’re not gonna die yet.” Her face twisted, her eyes weren’t the same blue they’d always been. When I gasped for air, she was gone and in her place was Royal, staring down at me on the floor of the bathroom, performing CPR and saving my life so he could try to take it, all over again. “You don’t deserve to die yet. You don’t deserve that peace, you stupid whore.”