Me, his confidant.
Me, the one who has always loved him.
I stand up, gripping my head, wanting to pull out each strand of hair if it means I’ll be able to breathe again. Ten comes closer, his face unmasked, as usual, staring at me with care. “Don’t do this to yourself,” he groggily responds, gripping my shoulders. It only makes me madder. Not at him, but them.
He’s trying to calm me down, make me feel less of a fucking failure, and be the person who picks me when no one picks us. Somehow in my rage, I’ve pushed closer, forcing his arms over my shoulders and our chests together. I heave with hatred, fume with disgust, and hate with envy.
I want Lux.
I want Colt.
I hate them both.
I’m not sure when it changed, when my lust turned to love, when my worry turned into full-blown care, and when my jealousy turned into abhorrence.
Our noses are touching, he’s peering into my eyes and all I want to do is fuck him and lose every part of my hatred inside someone who picks me.
Why won’t they pick me?
As if reading my mind, Ten pushes his mouth to mine and we kiss. Fuck, do we kiss. His lips smack mine and his teeth hit mine too. We fight for control and fight to take the edge off.
He tastes like Pop Rocks and heartbreak, something I’m used to. Our mouths know us when our hearts are strangers, but somehow, it works.
I walk us backward to the mattress, pushing him back down onto the bed and devouring his mouth like he’s the best flavor I’ve never tasted before.
Our hands make way with our pajamas and I finally run my hands through his short hair, missing his longer black locks on top.
We’ve switched.
While mine was gray and short, his was longer, black, with red underneath.
Now, his is silvery blue and short, whereas mine is starting to get its curl and has begun fading into a sand and gray mix. Like sugar and cinnamon.
His fingers tug at my hair, pulling me closer even though there’s no space between us. Grinding our hips, our hard dicks brush and press against each other, stealing what little breath I have left.
The bed creaks as we maneuver upwards, I’d laugh if I didn’t feel the intense emotions between us. Is this really us? Or are these the actions of a sad boy who never gets picked and an ex-love who was abandoned?
Both of us work at our boxer briefs, removing them as quickly as possible. He’s who I’ve felt closest too. While we’re both always depressed, he’s never stopped being there for me.
When my medications change or his does, we’ve never abandoned each other. Not even when the guys don’t get along and argue. It’s us. We’re stuck together while still being lonely.
Pulling away from him, my hands are my only anchorage on the bed. “Are we making a mistake?” It’s the only time I’ll question this, the only moment I’ll give and allow for me to worry about where we’ll end up once the heat and lust fade.
He’s still my friend.
He’s still going to be here.
He’s still not mine.
He shakes his head and tugs at my nape, forcing our close proximity again. “Whether we fuck now or when we lose control next time, I’m not going to regret this,” he pants. Our lips slam together once more, making me more anxious and somehow more excited too. Heat overwhelms me as he trails his hands to my dick.
“Fuck,” he rasps, his hand snaking around my cock. He squeezes, his hum of approval making me leak. Suction stops me from rutting against him, his mouth making me weak. Much like I do with Colt, he sucks my throat with purposeful pressure.
He’s marking me, and while I shouldn’t want it, I do. Who fucking cares that he marks me and tells the fucking world we just fucked?
Oh, right.
Our lives.
“We shouldn’t do that,” I grunt, loving the swirl of his tongue over my pulse point. He groans and keeps going for a second later before pulling back.
“Just say Colt did it,” he grumbles, placing his mouth back on me, sucking harder to make it a point that he wants this too.
“And when she asks?”
“Tell her she’s not the only one you fuck,” he teases. “She won’t like it, but maybe then, she’ll pay attention to us.”
I laugh at his mind, knowing he’s not half wrong.
“Now shut up and fuck me, Ross. Because skipping class isn’t exactly good for our reputation.”
“Fuck reputations,” I hiss, hating every single person at this school.
“What, no mentioning the fucking me part?”
I smile down at him, kissing him slowly. Once I pull back, I wink. “Always knew you were a bottom, Ten. You’re not the only one who has explored their sexuality.”
He blushes, and instead of making him stress more, I bring our mouths together and shut us both up with our mutual need and desperation.
“Condoms?” he questions, stopping our mouths once more.
I nod and reach into my bedside drawer, grabbing the lube as well. I’ve never imagined I’d be here. While I’m not sure I’d ever top Lux, I know I’d never bottom for Ten. Which makes me wonder how I just know these things and realize I’m a switch before actually experimenting both sides of the spectrum.
“Have you ever done this… bare?” I ask him, my voice breathy from nerves. He blushes once more, and I love the way it tints his cheeks and neck. I’ve never seen someone as beautiful as Ten. Yes, Colt is drop dead gorgeous, but Ten is beautiful too.
He shakes his head. “No, not even with Colt.” It makes me want to experience him bare too. Apparently, I was the first with her bare.
I peer down at him in amazement. Like me, tattoos litter his skin. Where mine are just everywhere, his are scattered in little areas. And his fucking nipples are pierced, much like Colt’s. I drag my tongue down his chest, flicking his nipples with purpose. He groans and bows into me. Our dicks grind and I feel so fucking desperate to get inside him, just to watch him fall apart beneath me.
“Need you,” he begs.
I roll on a condom and the entire time, he watches with heated interest. Lubing up my fingers, I work him open. Seeing him fall apart with just my fingers has my dick aching with too much need. “Who did you lose it to?” I ask, wondering who stretched him first, who made him cum first, who took what he’s gifting me with now.
He looks at me as if he’s in pain and I know the answer before he whispers the name. “Lux.”
Staring at him with an innate disappointment, I can’t help myself from moving off of him. Immediately, the room turns cold, and I take off the condom and hurry to get dressed.