I hadn’t touched that account in so long. There was a chance that he wouldn’t notice the subtraction. But it was a small one. And, there was no way I could permanently keep my plans a secret. I knew that.
Even if he didn’t notice the considerable deduction from my account, it wasn’t like I could bike to school. I wasn’t even allowed to buy my own groceries anymore. I’d have to ask the day guard to get dropped off at school instead of Young Souls. And then the gig would be up.
Secrets could only be kept for so long from an all-seeing monster like Victor.
But our anniversary was in May. So that gave me a whole summer afterward until I’d have to come clean. Until then, I could hold onto the joy of having a second chance to go to my dream school.
I also didn’t prepare the monster dinner for our second anniversary. In fact, he found me eating Cheesecake Factory takeout while standing up at the island counter when he walked into the kitchen.
That was how he arrived. No knock. Just an opening of the front door, and then he came striding into the kitchen. I wondered if he entered every room like he owned the place. Or just this one. Because he did.
I stared at him, the food halfway to my mouth.
“Finish eating,” he signed. “I’ll wait.”
A command, not an invitation. But I set the fork down and told him the truth, “That’s okay. I’m not hungry anymore.”
His face held its usual stony cast, but something sparked behind his black eyes, hot and angry.
“Do I disgust you?” he asked.
It was a trick question, and I knew… I knew I shouldn’t take the bait. But year two of our marriage already felt like year twenty, and I had to ask, “Isn’t that what you want? To shame and disgust me?”
His shoulders shook, and his lips lifted slightly. Almost a laugh. Almost a smile. But not quite.
“Do you care about what I want now, D-liar?”
Okay, so he’d chosen a new name sign for me. D-Liar obviously wasn’t the one I’d given him back in Japan.
I made myself not react. Don’t give him anything. Don’t show emotion. Otherwise, he wins.
So I changed the subject by untying my robe. I let it drop to the ground, revealing my naked body.
Thanks to that lapsed gym membership, I’d regained 20 of the forty pounds I’d lost. Maybe it would turn him off. But no, his eyes darkened at the sight of me.
And just like that, it was on.
There was no bare-knuckle pre-fight this time. But Anniversary #2 went much the same as Anniversary #1. Marathon sex, lots of orgasms, and a roller coaster of intense shame and even more intense desire. Followed by a shower.
Relief was beginning to set in, along with the shame and guilt by the time we fell into bed. Yes, he completely turned me out again, but at least it would be over soon. He’d finally let me sleep, and I looked forward to him being gone when I woke up tomorrow morning, just like last time.
However, instead of switching off the light, Victor turned to face me in bed and signed, “You plan to start as a student at the Rhode Island Design School in the fall?”
I paused. A flightless bird who had been spotted by a predator.
He knew. He already knew. There would be no three-month reprieve.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know how to answer. I wasn’t sure my voice would work, even if I could. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how much I’d been looking forward to being able to hold on to my dream for the entire summer. He’d collapsed my world, crushed all of my hopes, with just one question.
But my silence was answer enough for him.
“Good idea,” he signed. “I was searching for other things to take away from you.”
Again, I didn’t answer. If I tried, I would cry. And I didn’t want to give Victor the satisfaction.
His lips twisted into a cruel smirk. Then he turned back over and switched off the bedside light.
I was right about him being gone when I woke up. However, it was impossible to feel relieved. His threat hung in the air long after he departed. I checked my student account every day after he left, every day of the summer. But my enrolled status never changed. And eventually, it was time for me to start my second first-year orientation.
That’s when I realized…this was another one of his monster games. He was waiting, just like he waited through dinner and all of my chatter that first anniversary. He’d waited, and then he’d taken everything away that had made my prison sentence bearable.
It was truly diabolical when you think about it. Letting me have something so that he could take it away whenever he wanted. If I didn’t hate him so very much, I would have been impressed at his total monster skills.
I started classes at RhIDS the following September. And I loved going to school this time around. Art school was the opposite of drudging out a degree in Biological Sciences at Mount Holyoke. Studying how to do something I loved was everything I thought it would be and more. Finally, I was allowed to throw myself into my art. I didn’t have to squeeze it into my hobby hours. I ate, drank, and slept animation. And unlike the younger students who grumbled about the 24/7 schedule, I was happy to give learning to animate well all my time and energy.
Finally attending RhIDS was a dream come true.
But the threat of Victor snatching my dream away from me continued to hang over my head. How would he do it, and when? Was there any way to fight it if he did? I loved going to school. I loved it so much….
Swick! Swick! Swick!
The memory of the underground garage dropped down every time I thought about escaping his tyranny. That was the sound the silenced gun had made as he shot that guy, again and again.
So I grounded myself in the present. I directed all of my emotions and all of my mental energy into art. That was the only option I had, the only thing I could do until May 25th.
He showed up early for our third anniversary.
I had just gotten into the shower and squirted some body wash into my loofah. And when I turned around, I found him on the other side of the glass door.
My heart…or perhaps it was my entire body trembled. He was there. Just there. Naked except for his tattoos. He had even more of them now. They were crawling down his left arm too. Symbols and mythical animals I couldn’t understand.
How had he come in here without me noticing? Maybe he really was a ghost or vampire. Honestly, that would explain a lot.
There was no conversation this time. Victor simply stepped into the shower, turned me around, pressed me into the stone wall, and plunged into me from behind.
I don’t know what was more surprising. Him falling on me like an animal, or the fact that I was ready. I had woken up with hard nipples and a pussy, clenching to be filled. My body had known what day it was even before the sleep cleared from my mind.
Victor’s strokes came in a wild frenzy behind me, desperate and unhinged. Maybe he only wanted to get his this time. I strangely liked that idea. Liked the thought of not coming. Of being allowed to maintain my distance and dignity for once.
But then his strokes slowed as if he was taking back control of himself. And me. He found my pussy with his hand and began rubbing on my clit in front while stroking into me deep from behind. Ruthlessly seeking out that first soul-crushing orgasm. Soon, I was shuddering underneath him, my dignity slipping down the drain along with the water.
We didn’t talk at all that anniversary, but we spent the entire day together. No food. Just sex. And there were three showers instead of the usual one.