His eyes, which had been so unusually relaxed all evening, suddenly went hard as stone.
There he was.
The husband who hated me. The one who would try to punish me for daring to command him.
But then he raised one hand to sign a simple “O” and “K.”
Whoa…
Cue the awkward situation music. He followed me into the guest bedroom, and I wondered when was the last time he’d slept in a room this small. Had he ever?
“I’ll use the bathroom first,” I told him. “And then you, OK?”
I grabbed my toiletries bag out of my backpack before he could answer and escaped to the bathroom.
I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and changed into an oversized nightshirt. Then it was time for an Issa Rae-style pep talk in front of the mirror. You got this, Dawn! I assured my reflection.
My reflection did not look like she believed me. And eventually, a soft knock sounded on the bathroom door.
I found Victor on the other side, looking irritated about having to wait so long.
I carefully slipped past him, then rushed as fast as I could into the empty room. I was under the covers with the quilt pulled up to my neck by the time he returned.
He walked in wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs, which was bad. Terrible, in fact. He was still built like a tattooed god. I noticed that he’d added more and more of them over the years. But we hadn’t had the kind of relationship that had allowed me to get a good look at him in the clear light. So I took all the tattoos in, noting the ocean waves that now covered his abs underneath his chest dragon.
However, my gaze stopped scrolling down before I reached the new tattoos covering his legs. There was something underneath his black briefs, standing at attention and raring to go.
“What happened to no sex?” I signed to Victor.
His gaze followed mine down to the very obvious tent in his boxer briefs.
“I can’t control that part of my body,” he answered with an amused shrug.
Then he switched off the light next to the door, turning the room to black. It should’ve been a reprieve. It meant I didn’t have to see him get into bed. Or look at the other monster between his legs.
But you didn’t have to see something to know it was there.
Like the moon hiding out in the daytime, I could sense his erection. It pulsed the same as the secret he had once given me inside a ninja star. And made waves crash inside of me.
No sex was supposed to ensure that I got a good night’s sleep instead of a sex hangover the following day when I needed to be at my best. But I ended up tossing and turning because my body felt so weird. My core was swollen, warm, and clenching at air just like it did on our anniversaries.
This was not our anniversary. But my body didn’t seem to believe me when I told it that…
Eventually, I gave up and walked out to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
To my surprise, when I returned to the bedroom, Victor was sitting up in bed. With the nightstand lamp turned on.
“You couldn’t sleep?” he signed.
“No,” I answered.
I wanted to leave it there. But my eyes inevitably dragged down to the covers, and yep… I could still see the clear outline of his erection. God help me.
I set the water on my nightstand and forced myself to act like I didn’t notice him or it as I got back into bed.
But it was like climbing into bed with a ticking bomb. Impossible to ignore.
“Don’t you think you should take care of…” I ended up signing before he could turn off the light.
Again, this was where sign language did not want to be my subtle friend. I could’ve just said “that” out loud. But since this was sign language, I had to opt for the extremely graphic signs for “your erection.”
“I’m not going to be able to sleep if I know…” This time I resorted to just straight up pointing at the tented sheet, “…is lurking in the dark.”
Victor went still.
Then he very slowly began to reach underneath the covers.
Oh, wow. He was actually going to do it!
I’d hooked up with a few boys in college. But I’ve never watched one of them handle his dick. Usually, it’d been a lot of fumbling with condoms underneath covers and a push in followed by some less than exciting fireworks. More like fire sparklers.
A weird, sick excitement rippled through me at the prospect of him doing so right beside me.
But then I got a hold of myself and whispered out loud, “Turn off the light first, please!”
I flipped over, giving Victor my back. Then I waited. But nothing happened.
And when I turned to look in his direction, I found Victor staring at me, his eyes like two pieces of burning coal.
“What are you doing?” I whispered. “Why didn’t you turn off the light?”
His hand came back up from underneath the blanket. “If you want me to take care of my problem, I want you to take care of your problem too.”
“What problem?”
Victor looked at me, his gaze knowing and frank. “You are aroused too. I can smell it.”
“Stop it,” I answered. “Deaf people can’t smell better than hearing people. That’s a myth. And besides, you’re not deaf.”
He regarded me for a long beat. Then he slowly signed, “I can smell you. And this keeps me awake.”
I swallowed. Hard. Then switched back to signing to ask, “So you want me to what? Finger myself?”
Again, the sign for female masturbation was crazy graphic in sign language.
Victor smirked. “You can use your fingers or rub yourself against the pillow. Like you rub yourself with the electric sex toy I found in your drawer.”
Okay, well, just in case anyone was wondering….
The only thing more embarrassing than being told by someone you hate that he can smell how much you want him? Yep, that’s right. Being invited by that same person to rub yourself against a pillow the way he was sure you rubbed yourself with the sex toy you thought was a big secret.
I considered telling him to go to hell. I really did. But at the end of the day, the even bigger hell would be not being able to get to sleep. The problem was he was right. I was totally turned on.
“Okay fine,” I answered, my signs annoyed and rushed. “You do you, and I’ll do me. Whatever it takes to get to sleep.”
I flipped over onto my back and made a huffy show of doing his stupid bidding.
Although my resentment would’ve probably worked out better if I hadn’t found the triangle between my legs so ridiculously warm and wet when my fingers delved into it. No wonder he said he could smell me. I was practically dripping arousal, and my bud felt impossibly swollen inside my pussy lips.
No, I wouldn’t need my back massager to get me revved up tonight. I let my eyes fall closed and started rubbing.
But then I felt a weird pressure on top of my head. Fingers gripping me around my temples and forcing everything above my shoulders to twist to the left. When I opened my eyes, my face was fully turned toward Victor.
“Watch me,” he signed with his free hand. “Watch me watching you while we do this.”
Then he grabbed a Kleenex off the nightstand and snaked his arm under the comforter.
It was okay that he didn’t wait for my reply. I don’t think I could’ve come up with one even if I could speak words aloud. Which I couldn’t. I did as he said.