How, dammit?
How the hell was he supposed to do what his heart wanted...if all he could see right now was how Hadwin looked on his deathbed...and all he could hear was his mother crying? None of them had blamed him then, but God, he blamed himself day after day for it, and so for him to make the same mistake again—-
"I can't risk it, Malik."
The words, albeit uttered in a toneless voice, sounded as if they had been wrenched out of Altair—-
"I just fucking can't."
Malik's eyes began to sting as he heard what his brother wouldn't ever be selfish enough to say. "Trust us, brother," Malik said unsteadily. "Trust us. Please. It is not like before anymore. We can fight for ourselves. You do not need to carry this burden alone—-"
"I can't risk having losing any of you again," Altair gritted out.
"So you will risk hurting the one you love instead?" Malik snarled back and heard his brother suck in his breath in return. His words had obviously hit its mark, but the knowledge gave him no pleasure.
Altair had been the best brother he and Kyria could have ever asked for. Even in the times when the whole world had condemned their relationship, not once had Altair suggested that they part ways. Altair had always been there for them, and it fucking killed Malik now, knowing how much torment his brother was in...and not having the power to fix things for Altair.
"We know how much you love us, brother," Malik said painfully. "We know. And because we love you back just as much—-"
"Kafia." Enough.
But Malik was not to be stopped.
"Do not rip your soul apart for our sakes, Altair. Because that is what you'll end up doing if you force yourself to choose between our family and her. You just need to have fucking faith in us, and you will see that there is no choice to make. You can have her and us, together."
SAFIYA KNEW SOMETHING was not right the moment she stepped out of class and saw half a dozen soldiers waiting for her in the hallway. One of them moved forward to approach her, and already she could feel a serene mask automatically falling over her face as she took in the graveness of his expression. The man appeared to be in his forties. Kind brown eyes but built like a heavyweight boxer. And when he spoke, his voice turned out to be gruff and gentle—-
We apologize for the sudden intrusion, Your Highness.
But at the same time, his words were underscored with such heaviness that Safiya couldn't help but press a trembling hand over her chest.
An incident has taken place...
She felt her heart pound harder and faster against the wall of her chest.
Urgency is key...
Even with Major Asad choosing his words with great care, she still heard what he wasn't saying: whatever that incident was, it absolutely had to do something with her own father, and the kingdom's safety was now under threat.
It should've shamed and terrified her, but all she could think of at that moment was the way her heart was still thump, thump, thumping away, and it nearly had her weeping with relief. Because as long as her heart beat—-
As long as her heart was still alive—-
Safiya knew it meant he was alive, too, and she prayed, oh God, how hard she prayed—-
Please, oh God, please.
She prayed it would stay that way.
So please Mama.
Please.
Please keep him safe for me.
And when she heard Major Asad say that he had been instructed to take her to the palace, Safiya shook her head right away. "I need to speak to Sheikh Altair first." She saw the older man frown, knew that her actions were seen as ill-advised, but she didn't care. She needed to speak to him. And when he was finally on the phone—-
"What's wrong?" The sheikh's tone was taut. "Are you alright?"
Safiya was horrified to feel her eyes starting to smart. It was unlike her to cry so easily, and she could only be thankful that she was alone in the very same room that she and the sheikh had their first kiss.
"Safiya?"
She had always loved hearing him say her name. Always. But this time was different. This time, the sound of it nearly broke her heart. Because this time she had something to ask—-
"Aren't y-you—-"
"Aren't I what, hamira?"
"Aren't you going to ask if I helped my father escape?"
And the answer to it could mean that this might well be the last time she hear him say her name.
But when the sheikh answered her—-
"La." No.
He answered her with such swift simplicity that it nearly broke her heart all over again.
Mama, please.
And Safiya found herself gritting her teeth—-
Help me, Mama.
Because his answer was perfect.
I don't want to cry.
"Safiya?"
She dug her nails into her palm. Dug hard and deep until the pain made the urge to cry fade, and it was then and only then did she speak—-
"I love you."
But as soon as the words spilled past her lips—-
"I l-love you so much."
Her voice started to shake, and she found herself needing to dig deeper and deeper until her nails were close to drawing blood.
"I loved you for so long, alshaykh," she whispered unsteadily. "You don't know how long. I loved you even before I knew the taste of your lips. Loved you even more because you honored me with the truth, and now...I love you so, so much m-more...So much more, alshaykh...Because you chose to trust me n-now...just when you have every reason...every reason, God...you have every reason not to trust me—-" Safiya's chest heaved, and she had to pause just to drag oxygen back to her lungs.
"I know you love me, alshaykh. I know you trust me. But I also know how deep your wound goes, and I don't want you to think that by loving and trusting me, you are betraying your promise to your father. You could've made me choose between you and my father. You had every right to demand such a choice, but you never did, and that's why...this time...this time, I don't want you to choose either."
Safiya closed her eyes.
"So please, Altair..."
Her voice caught.
"Treat me as you would any other daughter of a traitor who has escaped. As long as you love me...I won't mind being apart. As long as you love me, I will wait as long as you need me to."
Chapter Eighteen
Preparations for protecting the royal family against any possible attack were already well underway by the time Altair and Yara arrived back at the palace and joined the others in the war room. Aside from the king and his trusted vassals, there were also both high-ranking army and court officials present, along with a few secret agents, his ex-girlfriend included.
Silence had descended upon their entry, and the way most of the people in the room averted their glances as the sheikh walked past spoke volumes. It was easy enough to tell that they had been talking about him - and that not all of their words had been favorable.
Yara mentally shook her head as she watched a few idiots ask the sheikh about his well-being, which was of course a Catch 22 question. Whether Altair answered yes or no was immaterial; all they wanted was a chance to crow about the fact that Mahmud had escaped under Altair's watch, and perhaps afterwards, make a case for themselves being the better choice to replace Altair as the royal army commander.