He strolled the dark streets of the city, walking off the excess energy that arrived in the wake of the utiva wearing off. There were side effects. This was well known, which was why many males didn’t use such a drastic method to control themselves while waiting for their sealing ceremony. Normally, he wouldn’t have either, but having Sarah live with him while they waited—in close quarters intended for an unmated male—and then experiencing one delay after another, had made it impossible for him to resist any longer.
He didn’t regret it, even as his body trembled from the aftereffects of the concoction, and his salavik ached beneath his sealed slit as all the feeling returned to it.
Sarah had asked him if it was dangerous, and he hadn’t wanted to tell her that it could be, because he was afraid she wouldn’t allow him to take it again. He definitely wanted to do that again. Every night if possible, though he knew that would be pushing it, increasing the chance that the drink would cause permanent damage to his nervous system, even with the chanu zayul inside him speeding his healing and the rate at which his body flushed the drug.
His rambling walk carried him through the tail district, winding back and forth as he followed the switchback trail down the hill with no real destination in mind. He only knew that he had to remain a safe distance from Sarah or he would be too tempted to return to her and end up getting himself injured in the process. He passed the hunter’s lodge, feeling his seal warming up with the distance he put between himself and Sarah. He was approaching the maximum distance he could travel from his drahi before the seal began to truly hurt him.
He turned to head back up the hill, glancing at the homes built for single sentils and hunters out of the vertebrae of Draku Rin. Each hollowed-out bone structure housed several sentils and hunters, but they all had their individual quarters inside that space.
Sarah found it odd that the yan-kanat built so many things out of bone. He found it odd that the nixirs did not. He couldn’t imagine why they would toss perfectly good bones into a waste heap instead of finding a use for them, but then again, nixirs created new materials to make things, never content with what nature provided them. Nixir alchemy was so arcane that it sounded like magic to many yan-kanat, even though they knew the species had lost all magical abilities long ago, when the Ajda abandoned Gaia entirely.
The bones of Draku Rin were considered sacred, and that also made Sarah surprised that they were turned into functioning buildings. Apparently, nixirs treated sacred things like decorations, setting them up somewhere just to look at them—or even locking them away so that only a few ever saw them—instead of making them useful to everyone, in order to honor those that had sacrificed to provide them.
His contemplation of the differences in yan-kanat and nixir mindset were interrupted as he passed one of the vertebrae and spotted movement in the shadows on the side of the building. He heard a familiar laugh and then recognized Farona’s voice even though she spoke low enough that he couldn’t hear her words.
He was confused that she would be this far from her home at this time of night. He changed the direction of his steps to greet her and offer to accompany her back to her quarters. Then he heard another voice that made him pause.
Kevos’ deep voice was as low as Farona’s, but Jotahan didn’t need to hear their words to recognize the tone. He slowly withdrew from the area, hoping now that Farona didn’t see him. It was clear that she had come to see her new lover off on his hunt, and Jotahan was happy for them both that they had found comfort in each other’s arms.
He also felt a sense of relief, as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders as he escaped the area without being spotted. It was only then that he realized that he had felt burdened by his rejection of Farona. It had left a nagging guilt in his mind, even though the choice of his drahi had not been his—at least, not at first. Yet, his growing love for Sarah and the way it blotted out the feelings he’d once had for Farona—like the light of the sun blotted out the dim glow of the stars—had felt like a betrayal of his oldest and dearest friend. He understood now the difference between loving someone and caring about their happiness, and being “in love” with someone and needing them more than he needed air or sustenance.
Sarah was in his blood now. He could never walk away from her, or let her walk away from him without fighting to get her back. He understood now that it hadn’t been that way with Farona. It had never been that way. He’d felt comfortable with his previous lover and content with the plans they’d made for the future. He’d never really felt like he wouldn’t have a future if she wasn’t in it. Such thoughts hadn’t even crossed his mind. Whereas with Sarah, the fear of losing her was a constant concern for him, especially after the close call she’d had in the urvaka.
Now, understanding that Farona had moved on with Kevos made him grateful, rather than jealous or possessive of her. He couldn’t imagine feeling as sanguine if Sarah even glanced at someone like Kevos with interest, much less moved on to the other male.
Seta Zul had been right to choose Sarah for him, rather than Farona, and he was glad that Farona had found comfort with someone worthy of her.
He did worry that she would grow too attached to Kevos, though. The male was notorious for having many lovers, being considered very handsome by most female yan-kanat, and where Jotahan had always seen his size as a hindrance while serving as Jotaha, Kevos’ similar size had drawn many females to him as much as his pretty face. Most of the rings Kevos wore on his spines came from female admirers and lovers.
The hunter was both better-looking and more popular with the females than Jotahan, but he was also determined never to seal himself to a mate, and Jotahan knew that Farona wanted a family. She had told him that she shared his dream of many nestlings filling their family home, and they had spent many cycles discussing their plans for their offspring.
He wanted Farona to find a mate who could make all that happen for her, but Kevos had already made it clear that he would rather remain single and enjoy the many different females he was able to choose from, rather than settle with only one for the rest of his life.
In truth, whatever ended up happening between them was none of Jotahan’s business, except when it came to providing support and comfort to his friend if Kevos broke her heart. Other than that, there wasn’t anything he could do or say to help Farona realize her dream of having a mate with any other male. He was just grateful that she had found someone to distract her from the shock of him returning home with another female after they’d planned their lives together.
37
Sarah felt like she was floating the morning after Jotahan made love to her with so much intensity and focus on her pleasure. She had never had a sexual experience like that before. One where she didn’t feel guilty about taking pleasure without giving the same amount in return. One where she didn’t feel like her lover was just going through the motions to get her off so he could get down to business himself.
Her only regret was that they didn’t get to spend the rest of the night snuggled up together as she enjoyed the afterglow of multiple orgasms. She understood why Jotahan had to leave, but it still made her feel slightly bereft to be alone after all those intimate moments.
Still, it had been worth it, and Jotahan had returned that morning to collect his things before heading off to the training grounds, and had even risked a kiss for her before heading back out. Despite her efforts to diminish her scent in the pod by burning more incense, he still struggled, and had to break off the kiss early, rushing out of his own home because of her.