I stare at her in confusion, knowing I should tell her just how beautiful she is and how much I like being around her. That isn’t what I want to do, though, and why should I? It hasn’t worked yet.
Actions speak louder than words, and I’m done talking.
Pulling her to me, I kiss her hard on the mouth and stuff my hand into her hair to keep her where she needs to be. I’m done with this pretending we just like one another and it’s enough to just hang out on the couch watching TV.
That’s not what I want, and by the way she’s reacting to a simple call, that’s not what she wants either.
Chapter Fifteen
Hailey
Cade’s kiss takes me by surprise, and for a few seconds, I don’t know how to react. I don’t believe that call was to a friend or one of his cousins. I have no idea if I’m right about him having a girlfriend or a wife, but the last thing I want to do is kiss him right now.
Except the way his tongue glides over mine, teasing me with a promise of how incredible it would feel on every other part of my body, makes pulling away so hard.
He holds me against him tightly, like if I wanted to leave I couldn’t. A mixture of fear and desire overwhelms me, and I don’t what to do.
When he lifts his head and smiles down at me, it’s almost like he’s taunting me. Like he was talking to his girlfriend or wife and now he thinks he can have me too.
Not so quick there, loverboy.
“Thanks for the kiss. I have to go. Bye, Cade,” I say and hope my legs weak from that kiss let me walk out the door with some grace.
“No. I’m not letting you run away again, Hailey. You want me, and I want you. Stop trying to fight that.”
“I’m not fighting anything that shouldn’t be fought. I can’t be with you. Goodbye.”
Still, he won’t let me go.
“You can and you want to be. Why are you acting like this isn’t what you want? We had fun talking last night. You brought me that cupcake because you like me. Why fight this?”
“Because you have a girlfriend! Or even worse, a wife!” I scream, hating that everything he says is how I feel and still I know I have to leave.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. “Here. Look at who the calls were from. Look at who I called.”
Pushing his hand away, I shake my head. “No! I don’t want to be that person who doesn’t trust someone like that. Just let me go.”
But he won’t give up.
“Take it. Look. You accuse me of doing something I’m not, so let me show you you’re wrong.”
God, I don’t want to do this. Not here. Not now. Not ever. I swore I’d never let myself be in another situation where I suspected someone was cheating and didn’t listen to my gut. Well, at this moment standing in this hallway, my gut says this man is too perfect and now I know why.
When I refuse to take the phone out of his hand, he taps on the screen to bring up the calls. Holding the phone in front of me, he says quietly, “Not a girlfriend or wife. Just my father.”
I look at the screen and see one word listed down the screen. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad.
“All those calls were from your father? Is anything wrong?”
Not that I have any right to be asking that, but I suddenly feel so bad for the way I’ve acted in the past ten minutes that I have to say something.
Cade’s shoulders sag, like the weight of my question is a heavy burden on him. “No. That’s just the way he is,” he says with a sigh.
Knowing the truth makes knowing what to say impossible now, so I mumble the only words I can think of to escape this humiliation I’ve brought on myself. “I’m sorry. I better go.”
“Still? I didn’t lie, Hailey. There’s no one else, and still you want to run away?” he asks in a voice that fills me with regret.
I hang my head, unable to face him now. “I’m the problem, Cade. That’s always how it is. This is all me, and I’m sorry.”
As much as I hate to admit the truth, there it is. He isn’t the one who caused all of this tonight. It’s me. It’s always me, and no matter what Dr. Thorpe or Meadow thinks, I’m obviously still not able to trust like someone like Cade deserves.
This time, he doesn’t stop me when I turn toward the door, but behind me, he says, “Don’t go. I don’t know what happened before you met me, but you can trust me. I won’t do whatever they did.”
I stare at his front door and want to believe him. I’m so tired of being this way. I want to be happy. I want to have fun. I want to believe all men aren’t liars and cheats. Being afraid is so exhausting.
With a heavy sigh, I turn around and see Cade’s smile. Not the sexy one that makes me think of all the delicious things I would love to do with him, but the sweet one that lights up his dark brown eyes.
“Why would you want to be bothered with someone who’s so fucked up?”
And there is the question I’ve asked myself every moment since he and I started talking.
Cade steps toward me and stops before taking my face in his hands. Tilting my head back, he looks down into my eyes as I try to push away the urge to run. “Everyone’s got something they’re fucked up about, Hailey. I’m not afraid of yours, if you aren’t afraid of mine.”
I close my eyes and let the warmth of his skin against mine course through me. It’s gentle but protective, and I want to believe in it.
“Yours? What are you fucked up about?” I whisper.
His lips brush mine, and he kisses me instead of answering. I don’t believe he’s like me. He doesn’t fear everything and everyone, no matter how hard he tries not to like I do.
But at this moment, I don’t want to think about that. All I want to think about is how incredible it feels to be kissed like this by someone like Cade.
My hand in his, we walk back through the apartment, neither of us saying a word. My insecurities run through me like rampaging villains, tearing up all the sweet thoughts I have about what’s about to happen and replacing them with doubts that begin to eat at me even before we reach the bedroom.
I try to stay quiet, to not give voice to the ugly things they whisper in my head, but I can’t stop myself, even as I know I may ruin this night for the second time. “I don’t know about this, Cade.”
He closes the door behind us, and in the dim light coming through the window, I see him smile at me. “I do. It’s okay to let someone in. It doesn’t always end bad.”
As much as I want to believe that, my past says he’s wrong. But now as I watch him slowly unbutton his dress shirt and shrug his shoulders to free himself from it, I want to let him in.
How could any sane woman not want that? The body only hinted at through his clothes now stands before me, muscular and tattooed and utterly beautiful.
My gaze drifts over his shoulders and chest while I try to make out the designs of each tattoo on his skin. A bright blue star on his chest. A grey and black design that looks foreign or tribal and covers from his shoulder down to his left ribs. A phoenix or some kind of bird with beautiful feathers of black and red across his stomach.
The urge to reach out and touch those images he’s created on his body overcomes me, and I extend my hand to brush my fingertips over the area just between the muscles that create a pronounced V near his hips. Toned, it’s divided in half with a thin line of dark hair that continues beneath his pants. His soft skin quivers beneath my touch, a movement that surprises and charms me.