“Your girl is fucking ugly.”
He didn’t even hear it. Well, he did, that’s what drew his violent reaction, but he didn’t acknowledge it. The words didn’t resonate because he doesn’t believe it. He’s never believed it. He’s blind to the scrutiny. If I’m honest with myself, it’s one of the things I love so much about him. It’s the only thing that leads me to believe some part of the man I fell for still dwells inside him, but it’s not enough. Not anymore.
Painfully sober, I creep down the hallway, my bag in hand, and push the note to Trevor under his door. It’s going to be impossible to forget this family I’ve fallen so comfortably in love with. It’s only been ten days, but I feel every bit a part of it. I can’t face his parents. I assured Jeannie I wouldn’t hurt him, and there’s a chance I won’t with my leaving. He’s become a stone too hard to penetrate.
I don’t want you anymore!
Who’s the fool?
Yeah, I’m out.
To hell with love. It’s been no picnic. I need my flats and a clear dance floor. I need a martini that doesn’t taste like dish soap. I need to be able to order Chinese at three a.m. I’ve been delusional, this isn’t home. Home is New York. My future is there, and I’ll resume it there.
One agonizing step at a time.
I creep out of the front door, hearing the creek and wince, hoping I can get out undetected. Outside, I make my way to the rental car. I’m at the driver’s door when I realize there’s less than an inch between my bumper and Lance’s truck. I’m trapped. His headlights click on just before his door opens, taking me by surprise. I drop my suitcase, pissed by the ambush.
“Let me out. Right now.”
“Just let me talk to you.” His voice is jagged glass. It’s guilt or sympathy or both, and I want no part of it.
“Just getting home? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Don’t worry, message received.”
“Priss—”
“Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare. You haven’t called me that since the day I set foot on this ranch.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t care. Move your truck.”
“Please hear me out.”
I slam my handle into my suitcase and click the fob to unlock the car. “This relationship has turned toxic. I’m no expert, but I think it’s safe to assume we can’t come back from this. And you seemed to have moved on anyway.”
“It was a year after our split. I haven’t touched her or another woman since New York. Haven’t wanted to since you. I don’t give a damn about her.”
“Well, she’s clearly still in love with you,” I say, tossing my case in the back seat and slamming the door. He steps forward, caging me to my driver’s door, and I refuse to look up. I can’t because I know it will take all my strength away.
“And I’m in love with you. You’re the only woman I have ever loved.”
He inches forward, and I jerk my chin.
“Doesn’t matter anymore. Just move your truck.”
“No.”
“Fine, I’ll wake Trevor and get him to do it.”
“Don’t go.” It’s the plea in his voice that brings my eyes to his.
“Lance, I can never forget what you said to me.”
“I won’t expect you to, but you gave me no reason to believe…you made me think we had no future. Will you just tell me…why, why didn’t you tell me?”
“You know I couldn’t. Move your truck. I know we’re shit at communication these days, but it’s clear now, what we were—we aren’t anymore.”
“If that were true, you would still be in New York.”
“Well, we’ve gotten good at making things bad, haven’t we?”
Lance lifts his hands and cradles the back of my head, his fingers searching until he finds the scar.
I jerk away from his touch. “I see you spoke to Troy.”
“Harper,” my name cracks across his lips, “I’m so fucking sorry. If I would have known…”
I turn away from him and open the driver’s door, and he shuts it in the next second.
“Don’t leave.” He hangs his head on my shoulder, his heart beating wildly at my back, his scent engulfing me as angry tears emerge.
“We can’t work now. I’m not what you need.” He pulls at my arm, so I’m facing him and desperately tries to wipe my tears with his fingers. I jerk away from him. “Don’t touch me.”
“Don’t say that. Fuck. Please don’t ever say that to me again. I fucked up. Jesus, I fucked up.”
“I can’t watch you destroy yourself anymore.”
“It ends now. I swear. I’ll make it up to you. I’m still in here somewhere. I’m still the man you fell in love with.” He places his hands on his chest. “I’ll do anything, I’ll be anyone, Harper, don’t leave.”
“I can’t help you. You won’t let me. I need to save myself before you ruin me for good.”
“I won’t.”
“You just did. God, you bastard,” I sniff, wiping my nose with my sleeve, “you already did.”
Hot tears run down my cheeks as I try to steady myself. “You know, no matter how ugly it got, I was never afraid of you. Never, until tonight. And now I know what you’re capable of doing to me.” I cup my chest. “I can’t take it, okay? I just can’t. I’m not a worthy opponent, not at all. We agree on that.”
“Not true.” He rakes a hand through his hair, and I see freshly dried blood on his knuckles and know it has nothing to do with his fight with Mark. “This is the worst I can do. Harper, I swear it.”
“Move your truck.” He tilts my chin, and I rip it away from his grip. “Let me go.”
“Never. Never again. Fucking ever.”
“You’ve been humiliating me since I set foot here, dead set on pushing me away. Mission accomplished.”
I turn and open the door, and he closes it again.
“Don’t…” he chokes out. His chest at my back as he closes in, pressing me to the door, his arms capturing my lower half. I exhale as he wraps himself around me. Silence lingers, and then I hear the hitch of his breath. “Jesus…don’t go…I fucking… I n-need you.”
He’s beautifully broken, the floodgates opening as he cries out his apology. “I don’t deserve you,” he weeps against me.
“Lance—”
“I c-can’t do this without you, Harper. I’m just so fucked up. I’ve been a slave to money my whole goddamned life. It’s ruining me. The lack of it is ruining my family. Dad, I f-found him…” his chest bounces against my back, and it’s all I can do to keep standing. “I found him with a g-gun. He…if he gives up.” The lift of his voice followed by the agonizing sob that leaves him is too much to bear, and I grip his hands feeling every second of it with him. “I don’t…I can’t keep fighting if I can’t see the end. This is the worst I can do.”
He crushes me to him. “It wasn’t true. P-please don’t believe the lie. I w-want to marry you. I want to grow old laughing with you, Harper. I’ve never loved anyone so much in my life. No one can love me like you do. No woman could or will ever be you. That’s why I went to New York. God…I-I-I just never wanted you to see me like this.” He buries himself in the back of my neck, his tears soaking me, my heart. “Your opinion is the only one that has ever fucking mattered to me. P-please. Don’t, d-don’t leave.” He beats on the top of my rental. “I don’t have the words! I still don’t have the fucking words! Tell me what they are. P-please, tell me what they are.”