"I hate to do this,” I say now. "You have no idea how much I hate to put her in this."
"I’m already in it," Chelsea says. "So now that we’ve got that out of the way."
"Tomorrow," Ethan says. "You start living your life."
"Meaning?" Chelsea says, looking at both of us.
"Meaning you go do what you do during the day, and Mayson gets his ass into the barn, and we find his father before his father finds him." She puts her hand to her stomach. "I’m going to talk to Casey and Dad and make sure we have someone shadow you." He looks at me, and I nod. "Now I have to get home. I promised I would give the kids a bath. Call me if you need anything," he says, and the door slams shut.
"I hate this," I admit. "I hate all of this."
"I know that I should," she starts, "and I don’t like your father at all. But…”
"But nothing." I shake my head now. "Don’t even fucking say it."
"Will you promise me something?” She looks at me, and she wrings her hands.
"Anything,” I say. I will give you anything, I say to myself only.
"That no matter what happens, you won’t lie to me," she says. "That no matter what happens, if shit is going to be bad, you tell me it’s going to be bad."
"It’s going to be bad,” I say. "It’s going to be bad because I will not stop until I kill him." I watch her eyes watching me. "That is who you think you love."
"If it’s a choice between you or him," she says without batting an eye. "There is not even a choice."
"I just told you I’m going to kill a man, and you didn’t even bat an eye." I point at her.
"Is that why you said it?" she asks. "To see if I would be shocked. I give up," she says. "I give up." She walks now and stops in front of me. "I give up trying to get you to see what I see." She gets on her tippy-toes and kisses my lips softly.
My eyes watch her now as she walks away from me. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever met." She stops in her tracks, and I see her head hang down. "This morning when I left here, I felt like I had concrete in my shoes." She doesn’t turn and look at me. But she moves her hand to her stomach. "From the moment I’ve seen you, you’ve been the woman I’m chasing in my dreams." I tell myself to shut up and just let her go, but something inside me just pushes forward. "Everything." I take a step forward, hoping she fucking turns around. "Everything was for you."
"How?" she says, turning around, and I see the tears running down her face. "How could leaving me be for me?" Her voice kills me. "How could you think that you leaving here would be for me?"
"Don’t you get it?” I look at her. "Leaving you would save you." I take a deep breath. "It would have saved you." I walk over to her now, my heart beating so fast in my chest I look down to see if you could see it. I stop in front of her, so close to her. My hand comes up, and I wipe the lone tear that has just fallen over her bottom lip. "It would have destroyed me," I admit, my fingers touching her face. My fingers are shaking as I touch her. "Not being able to do this again," I admit. "To touch you." I trail her cheek and then move down to her jaw. "Even if just for a minute, it would have destroyed me."
Chapter 24
Chelsea
My whole body tingles when he touches me. "Chelsea," he says in almost a plea. "I won’t survive if something happens to you."
"Are you staying?" I ask as his fingers touch my chin, and then he palms my face. His thumb rubs my bottom lip. "Are you staying here with me?"
I wait without breathing for his answer. "Yes," he says.
"Then I’ll be safe,” I say, putting my hands on his hips. "With you here, I’m safe."
"I don’t think I can go back," he says, licking his lips. "I won’t be able to go back and pretend you don’t mean anything to me." I look down, and the tears are coming now as my body shakes. "Chelsea." He says my name again, and it’s like music to my ears.
I look up at him and see he has his own tears in his eyes. "Don’t," I finally say. "Don’t go back." My hand comes up to cup his cheek. "I’m yours." I shrug one shoulder. "All of me is yours." I drop my hand and take the biggest risk of my life. "Make me yours." I hold out my hand now. "Make me all yours."
I slide my hand into his as I pull him toward my room. We walk into my bedroom, and I stand here in the middle of the room, right in front of the king-size bed that I picked out with the plush white carpet under my feet. I step up to him now as he looks around my room. A room I took my time picking things out for, secretly hoping for this moment right here. The whole back wall is white rustic wood. A wooden stepladder leans against the side wall with five blankets hanging from it. "I’m nervous," I admit, looking down, trying to calm my nerves down.
He shakes his head, coming to me, and when I look up at him, he pushes my hair behind my ears. "My palms are all sweaty," he admits and picks up one of my hands and places it on the middle of his chest. "I feel like my heart is going to rip through my chest." His heartbeat matches my own. "I’m afraid," he admits, his voice low. "I’m afraid I’m going to get a taste of you and then…" He looks down now, and his heartbeat speeds up. "I’m so afraid it’ll be the happiest day of my life, and then in a blink of an eye, it’ll be gone."
"Don’t let me go," I say, and I’m secretly begging him to never let me go. "I’m not going anywhere," I let him know, and he puts his thumb on the side of my face. He leans his face down, and his lips hover over mine. My whole body shivers from his touch, my stomach flutters just knowing he’s going to kiss me any minute. He turns his head to the side just a bit and slips his tongue into my mouth. My hand moves from the middle of his chest to wrap around his waist. I kiss him with everything I have. We kiss each other softly, our hands pushing ourselves even closer. My fingers roam from his hips to the hem of his T-shirt, slipping under it, and he lets go of my lips to put his head back. I lift his shirt now over his chest. I’ve seen and touched his chest before now, but something about touching him now makes my body come alive. "I don’t want to hurt you,” I say, my hands going to the bandage.
"You could never hurt me," he says. I bend forward and kiss him in the middle of his chest where his heart is beating erratically. "Chelsea,” he whispers my name, and I turn, going to the bed.
"Will you lie with me?" I stand by the bed, waiting for him to come to me. He walks over and puts his knee on my bed and pulls me with him. He lies in the middle of the bed, and I get on the bed beside him. With my hand on his chest, he leans up and kisses my neck, sucking it. My hand roams as his kiss goes from my neck to my ear. I turn now as he takes my mouth again. The kiss is stronger than before as he turns us both on our sides now. Our chests are pressed together just for a minute before he puts me on my back. My legs open for him to fit between.