He had his arm around both of them, and Jane hadn’t realized he’d followed her.
The bailiff took her arm. “I must take him now.”
At least his voice was kind and understanding. It could have been worse. Jane released Will and stepped into the circle of Reid’s strong right arm. Her legs were wobbly, and she wasn’t sure they would hold her much longer. Nausea roiled in her stomach, and she had to swallow the bile at the back of her throat.
She sent an appealing glance at Scott, who shook his head.
He put his hand on her shoulder. “There’s nothing we can do today. I’ll talk to Wendy and see if we can reach some kind of agreement.”
“No plea deal! Will is innocent, and he’s not pleading guilty to anything.”
“Of course.”
“And we need a bail hearing since he’s being charged as an adult.”
“I’ll get that done.” Scott’s flat tone told her he didn’t hold out much hope.
She watched the bailiff lead Will off before she let the tears flow against Reid’s chest.
Twenty-Two
“Everything about this is wrong.” Jane sank on the hard seat she’d vacated and looked up at Reid, Olivia, her father, and Megan. The courtroom had emptied, and only the five of them remained.
She eyed the judge’s door. Maybe he’d listen if she talked to him in his chambers.
Olivia leaned across her walker and took her hand. “It won’t do any good, Jane.”
In spite of her trouble speaking, Jane had no problem understanding her. “I know. But it’s so wrong, Olivia! I’ve spent my whole adult life upholding the law and justice. It has failed me at the most crucial time in my life. I feel like I’ve wasted all these years for something that’s false.”
Olivia maneuvered around until she could sit beside Jane. She took her hand again. “Honey, what you’re looking for right now is mercy. The judge can only evaluate based on the evidence, and that’s piling up against poor Will. We know the truth though. God knows the truth too. He’s the ultimate judge right now.”
Her words didn’t ease the ache in Jane’s chest. “Justice, mercy, what difference does it make? I’ve been wrong about everything. I feel like I’m at sea without a rudder. What do we even do now when the law has failed us?”
“It hasn’t failed us yet. Augusta is still out there searching for answers. This is just the preliminary skirmish.”
“But Will’s being charged with murder. First-degree murder! They believe he planned to kill Lauren.” She bit back a moan and fought against the panic rising in her chest.
Reid’s expression betrayed that he felt as stricken as she did. “Our son is being railroaded. I’ve heard about it before, of course, but I never thought it would happen to my own son. I don’t know what to do with the knowledge that the law could be so unfair.”
Olivia’s grip on her hand tightened. “You’ve always been an excellent officer, Jane. You can move forward making sure you don’t let injustice happen under your watch.”
“This is under my watch, and I can’t do anything about it.”
“Who says? You’ve got your team.” Olivia gestured to herself and around to Megan and Reid. “You’ve got us. And most importantly, you have God. Evil can’t win.”
“How can you say that? You of all people? If evil can’t win, why are you sick? Evil wins all the time!”
“Death isn’t evil, Jane. It’s only death of the body, and it comes to everyone. And if injustice happens in this world, God will bring about ultimate justice in eternity.”
“So you’re telling me it’s okay if Will goes to jail for the rest of his life because eternity will be different? How is that supposed to be comforting? It’s monstrous!” She leaped to her feet and ran for the door.
Solitude was what she needed right now. A place where she could think and figure out how to deal with today’s events. Reid called after her, but she ran faster. Down the elevator and outside where she stood blinking in the harsh sunlight and oppressive humidity. Where could she go to lick her wounds?
Blackburn Park.
It was two blocks away. She ran as fast as she could, but though the wind rushed through her hair, she couldn’t leave behind the injustice, the fear. A warm breeze caressed her face as she reached the park, and she nearly collapsed onto the bench by the gazebo.
Thankfully, the park was deserted. She buried her face in her hands and leaned forward. Nausea still churned in her belly, and she felt faint, both from the heat and from the trauma of being unable to help her son. A train rumbled past across the street, and she grounded herself with the sound and vibration.
What good was her job if she couldn’t help her own child? This was wrong, so wrong. Where was God right now? She couldn’t feel him.
Forsaken. That was the feeling rising in her chest.
The word brought up something she’d read in The Screwtape Letters. “Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”
Obey? What did God want of her right now? Faith. And that was hard. She didn’t think she was capable of having that kind of trust in this moment.
“There you are.”
She looked up at Reid’s deep voice and saw him standing by the gazebo. “You followed me.”
“I always will.” He moved to join her on the bench.
His bulk beside her should have been comforting, but she felt so alone, so lost. Nothing made sense in her world. Nothing.
He took her hand. “You’re cold.”
She realized she was shivering in spite of the heat and humidity. “Shock, I guess. I wanted this over today.”
“It will be soon. We have to hold on.”
“And when is it over? When Will goes to prison?”
“We have to trust God, even when it’s hard.”
“How? I don’t even know how to do that. What’s he want from us?”
“The book of Micah says God requires us to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with him.”
“What does that even mean? I’ve pursued justice. It’s how I got to be chief of police.”
“So we pursue it even more. We trust God to lead us in the right direction. To guide us on where to look and what to do.” Reid’s voice trembled.
This whole trust thing was as hard for him as it was for her. “You’re saying that to help yourself as much as me, aren’t you?” she whispered.
He nodded, and she felt the shudder that skittered down his body. This was so hard. How would they bear it?
She gripped his hand and took several deep breaths. Faith was about walking where you couldn’t see the path. That’s about all she could do right now because what stretched in front of them was a gaping chasm with no bottom.
But she knew God loved her. And Will and Reid. God was the only Rock she could cling to at the moment.
* * *
Jane seemed to have recovered a little color in her cheeks during the drive back to Pelican Harbor. Reid parked, and they got out to walk to the waterfront. The sun broiled their skin, and when they reached the pier, they sat with their legs dangling over the water. Parker settled beside them, pausing to stare at squirrels mocking him from nearby trees.