Amy stands there, frozen, as Dax steps toward Mrs. Marino, trying to soothe her, but she lashes out at him, too.
“This is all your fault,” she cries hysterically, her body beginning to sag to the floor, but Dax catches her, lowering with her, and she wails, punching at his chest as he tries not to lose complete control himself.
But his tears fall, his eyes already swollen and puffy.
“Get away from me!” she cries, breaking before us all. “How am I supposed to look at you every day?!” she wails, her body slumping more. “My baby. My little girl.” She completely breaks.
Tears pour from Amy’s eyes, but she says nothing, her hands frozen flat on the wall, pieces of flower and stem stuck to the front of her.
Mr. Marino runs around the corner then, spotting them both. He jerks from right to left, unsure of who to go to first, but he decides quickly. He reaches for his daughter, but Amy pushes off the wall and runs away.
Mr. Marino drops onto the floor beside his wife and pulls her into his lap.
Another family member comes in, ushering all the students and others standing around from the room, but Dax can’t seem to get himself off the floor.
He screams into his palms, his body bent over, forehead on the marble flooring beneath him, and my throat clogs.
Cali releases me and flies for him, falling to his side, and the moment her hands touch his back, he accepts her comfort, wrapping his arms around her.
I stand there, witness to a family’s world crashing to the ground around them and sickened by a fleeting thought that comes along with it.
I bite into my cheek, fighting as hard as I can to push everything away.
I need some air, so I climb the stairs and head out to the balcony, moving to the farthest corner, resting my elbows on the ledge.
“This is so fucked up,” I whisper.
“Yeah.”
I jerk around, finding Amy tucked into the back side corner, hidden by the furniture and curled into a ball, her arms wrapped around her pulled-in knees, a joint between her fingers. “It is,” she adds, tears still silently falling from her face.
My muscles freeze and I’m conflicted on what to do, but then Amy’s chin falls to her chest and her body starts to shake with sobs.
“My mom can’t even look at me,” she gasps. “Wait until she’s ready to read Jules’ diary.” Her eyes slam closed, and she shakes her head.
My jaw muscles flex and I walk a little closer to her.
“Once she does, she’ll make me leave. She’s... they’ll both hate me.” Her head lifts. “I dyed my hair so that me and...” She can’t say her twin’s name. “So that we could have something of our own, so people would stop looking at us and calling us by the wrong names…” She trails off, looking away. “I had to buy a wig.”
A frown forms along my forehead.
“And I waited in her room.” She swallows. “I knew what time he would get here. I just wanted to see how long it would take him to notice, to see if he really saw her like she saw him. If he loved her like she loved him.”
My face falls as I realize what she’s saying. “Amy...”
“He didn’t even know,” she whispers. “He was so... gentle and...”
“Loving,” I snap before I realize I’m saying it.
Amy nods, lifting her eyes to mine. “Nobody has ever touched me like that.”
“Jesus, fucking Christ.” My hands come up, swiping down my face, and I shake my head. “He wasn’t yours to take. She loved him. You... you tricked him.”
Amy nods, her face slowly caving as every inch of her tightens in anguish and her cries grow uncontrollable, her words hiccupped through tears and chokes. “I just wanted to see if he would know, if he really loved her because if he did, he would know, right? I didn’t mean to keep going, I... and when she walked in...”
“Oh my god, she saw,” I breathe, my stomach threatening to empty itself.
“Dax, he... he broke down, fell to his knees and Jules she felt like ... like nothing. She started to wonder if maybe he didn’t love her like she thought, but he did. He loved her so much. I... I had the lights low, the wig. Her clothes, but none of that mattered to her. Something happened in her mind that day and...” she wails. “Oh my god, I killed my sister. My twin. How can I ever look at myself in the mirror again? I did this. I’m a fucking monster!”
She jumps up suddenly, running to the railing, and my eyes shoot wide.
“Amy!” I throw myself forward, grabbing a piece of her shirt, and it tears from its threading. “Amy, Stop!”
I grab her around the waist and yank her backward as she kicks and screams and then she too cracks.
Breaks.
She falls to the floor, desperate screams echoing around us.
The only thing I can do is hug her back, so I do.
I want to tell her it wasn’t her fault, that she must have been dealing with things she didn’t know how to share or maybe feared to try.
There are so many things that could have contributed to the tragedy of this morning, but we may never know what those are, and we may never understand. All we can do is love her for who she was and miss her for the girl we knew.
My chest aches, but I push it away.
Dad.
I’m seconds from a mental breakdown, ready to run.
Thankfully, her parents are flying around the corner in the next moment, pulling her into their arms.
I back away, rushing down the stairs and out the door. I don’t pause when Cali calls my name, and I don’t look around for Charles.
I charge out the front door, down the driveway and into the street, but I’m flanked, stopped dead in my tracks. All the air is lifted from my lungs, yet in a senseless twist, I somehow feel like I can finally breathe.
And I fall into him.
Ransom’s arms wrap tightly around me, barricading me into his chest. His heart thumps steadily against the palm of my hand, as if it’s speaking directly to me, reaching beyond reason and willing my body to respond. A shiver runs through me and everything boiling inside me settles in an instant, but the moment it does, my mind is triggered, panic flares, and I feel lightheaded all over again.
It’s too much.
Too many things too fast.
I don’t know how to feel and I sure as hell have no idea how to process what I am.
I’m pissed and confused and worried. I’m scared and unsure and sad.
I’m so, so sad.
Everything is out of sorts; nothing is right or fair or in line.
It’s messy.
It’s everything I never wanted.
So how is the boy holding on to me all I could ever need?
At that thought, I shove away.
He wasn’t expecting it, so I’m able to get a few steps before he’s sliding into me again.
“Jameson, don’t,” he warns.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“Yes, I should. My girl needs me, and she proved that by diving right into my arms.” He reaches for me. “Baby, come here—”
“No.” My nose begins to sting, but I clench my teeth to hold strong. “My mistake.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t do this. Don’t go backward.”
“It’s time for us to face the facts, this was fun, but that’s all it was ever supposed to be.”