“In your office!” she gasped. “Who are you and what have you done with my friend?”
“It wasn’t in my office. Not at the tax firm. In his office at his headquarters building.”
She shook her head. “I guess that’s a little better. But I’m still confused. I really got the impression you didn’t like him.”
“I don’t. Not really. It was a weird moment. I looked at him and I remembered everything from before.”
“I knew you guys were hot and heavy before,” she said with a laugh.
“It wasn’t like that. It was not one of my finer moments in life. He was married.”
Her mouth dropped open. I couldn’t see her eyes behind her sunglasses, but I knew she was pissed. “You had an affair with a married man?”
“No, no,” I quickly corrected. “He wasn’t married when we were together. I didn’t know it, but apparently, he was engaged or almost engaged. I didn’t listen to the excuses. One day, we were doing our thing, and the next, he was married.”
“Did the wife find out?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea. As soon as I figured out he was in a relationship, I ended things. He never mentioned her. I had no idea. You have to believe me when I say I didn’t know. When I saw his picture in the paper, my first reaction was that he cheated on me. Then I figured out it was the other way around.”
“Wow. Now I hate him.”
“What if he is still married?” I asked. “It has been driving me crazy. I cannot be a homewrecker.”
“You don’t know if he’s married?”
I shrugged. “He wasn’t wearing a ring. He is tanned and I didn’t see a tan line on his finger. He doesn’t act like he is married.”
“He didn’t act like he was engaged either,” she muttered.
“Don’t hate me,” I said. “You know I don’t do that.”
“Can you tell me why you slept with him?”
I thought about it and shook my head. “No, I can’t. I wish I could. I wish there was some magic answer. The truth is, I just did what I wanted. He was looking at me and we were alone. That familiar feeling came over me, and I thought, just one kiss. I was going to kiss him one time and see if those old feelings came back. They did. Good lord did they come back with a vengeance. I was like a woman starving.”
She laughed. “That’s what happens when you don’t have sex for years.”
“No kidding.”
“So, now you’re sleeping with your boss,” she stated.
“No, definitely not. I told him it was just the once and it can never happen again.”
“Yeah, right,” she scoffed. “Once you have something like that, you can’t walk away.”
“Yes, I can.”
“He’s the forbidden fruit,” she said. “Trust me when I say our brains are just preprogrammed to want what we can’t have. You are not the first and you will not be the last to fall victim to this thing. You want him again. I can tell.”
“I do not.”
“Yes, you do. It’s written all over your face.”
I shook my head. “I’m not going to get into an affair with him. Not again. I don’t trust him. He might have a girlfriend. I will not do that to another woman, and I won’t do it to myself.”
“Good. That’s exactly the right approach. But can you do it? If he’s as hot as you say he is and all those old feelings are still festering, you’re going to struggle to stay away from him. You’re gorgeous and he’s going to want you again.”
“I can’t do it. I cannot do this thing with him. He broke my heart last time. I won’t give him the chance to do it again. Back then, I didn’t have a little boy to think about. I do now.”
“I’m not totally against you dating him—if you know he’s single,” she said.
“I can’t. I’m not dating.”
“We talked about this,” she reminded me.
I laughed. “We talked about a lot of things, but Nash is not the guy I want in my life.”
“Maybe he’s changed.”
“You just said you didn’t like him,” I reminded her.
She laughed. “Oh yeah. You’re right. Never mind. He’s not the one for you. You can’t trust a cheater.”
“I have to think about Jace. He needs me more than ever right now. I have to give him my full attention. We’re so close to the end of tax season. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then I think I’m going to take Jace on a weekend getaway. Maybe I’ll see if there is some sports game I can take him to. Do something manly.”
“Or just do something you both enjoy,” she said with a laugh. “Don’t fall victim to what a bunch of eight-year-olds say.”
“True. I’m going to. Just as soon as we get through this season.”
“Going back to that other subject, you should probably talk to Nash,” she said.
“About?”
“Uh, having sex with him. Find out if he is married for one thing.”
“It doesn’t matter because it isn’t going to happen again.”
“But there is going to be an awkwardness between you if you don’t clear the air,” she said. “That’s going to make work weird and angsty.”
“I did try and talk to him yesterday, but he had to run out.”
“Do you think you can work with him and not want him?”
“Yes.”
“Liar.”
I groaned. “It’s the craziest thing. I don’t want to want him. I really don’t but damn if my body doesn’t have different ideas. I don’t want to be tempted by the forbidden fruit.”
“Why are you even there?” she questioned. “With your experience and your talent, you could open your own firm. Keep it small and work from home. You could be there when Jace gets home from school and work flexible hours.”
I winced. “I don’t know if I could afford to do that.”
“I did it and it was the best thing I ever did. It’s scary to go out on your own, but you could do it.”
“I wouldn’t make the same money,” I said.
“Not at first, but you have to think about the money you will make. You’re cutting out all of the overhead. You don’t have a boss taking money for the work you’re doing. All you need is a computer and a space to work out of.”
I thought about it. “It would be nice,” I murmured.
“And you wouldn’t have to worry about falling onto anybody’s dick,” she said bluntly.
“Damn, Dr. Joss. That was a little crass.”
“But true,” she teased. “Do you want more lemonade? You look like you might be getting a little overheated.”
“Very funny.”
My eyes were on the kids laughing and chasing each other on their bikes. I thought about what my life would look like if I didn’t have to go to work. I would save on commute costs. I could make more meals at home. It was doable, but damn if it didn’t terrify me.
Joss came back with two fresh glasses of lemonade. “How is Jace doing?” she asked. “Caitlyn was so worried about him.”