“Fuck it,” I growled. I was not going to beg anyone to do their damn job.
I drove back to headquarters. I needed to get my HR team on hiring for the tax firm. If she wanted to play hardball, fine. I didn’t get to where I was by being a pushover. I walked into the lobby and almost ran right into Davin.
“Woah, you look like you’ve been sucking on lemons,” he said with a laugh.
“Yes, you caught me, I sucked on lemons.”
He grimaced. “You really are a sourpuss today. What happened now?”
“I went to talk to Saige. I offered her the job back.”
“And?”
“And she said no.”
He gave me a funny look. “Why do I get the feeling there was more to it than that?”
I shrugged. “It is what it is. She is convinced I’ve ruined the business and she doesn’t want to be a part of it. I’m not going to force it. She can do whatever the hell she wants to do. I didn’t fail. I won’t fail. Now, I have to go up to HR and get started on the process of finding her replacement. I won’t beg anyone to work for me. I won’t pretend that anyone is that important.”
He sucked in a breath. “Damn, dude. You are going to have a tough life if you keep up that attitude.”
“Tough makes you stronger,” I said and walked away.
Chapter 31
Saige
I had cleaned everything. I had caught up on the laundry. Jace’s bedroom was cleaned. Not just clean, I actually went through his closet and pulled out the clothes he couldn’t wear. Then my own closet. Jace and I had hung out and watched a movie every night. I did his homework with him, and life was all that I thought it would be with me not working.
Until today.
I was a little bored and the reality of my situation was sinking in. I was unemployed. I couldn’t go on like this indefinitely. In fact, I couldn’t go on like this for more than a month or two. I needed to start thinking about the next step.
I grabbed my laptop and my second cup of coffee and sat down at the table. The silence took a bit to get used to. I kept the TV on just to drown out the silence. I was used to being on the go and having employees constantly asking me questions or for advice. Being home all day by myself was messing with my brain.
“Let’s see what we have today,” I said and pulled up the job search site I had looked at yesterday.
I was struggling to find something that appealed to me. There were plenty of job openings for CPAs, but I didn’t think I could go back. I enjoyed being at the top of the food chain. I liked the pay as well. I couldn’t imagine going back to being a paper pusher and making a lot less money. I didn’t think that was really an option.
I flipped through some of the job postings and just couldn’t get excited. My pride would seriously be wounded if I had to go back to fetching coffee and filling out basic ten-forties. I liked the challenge my old position provided. I was being too proud. My climb to the top was hard. It came with a lot of sacrifices. Could I really start over? Could I afford to?
“Shit,” I muttered and closed the laptop. I needed advice. I was beginning to wonder if I had been too hasty.
I grabbed my purse and headed out the door. I was hoping a drive would help clear my head. I couldn’t be in the house alone another minute. I picked up yet another coffee and found myself going to Joss’s house. I wasn’t sure if she would be busy with a client, but I stopped by anyway.
“Hey,” she said with obvious surprise. “What are you doing here?”
“Are you with a client?” I asked.
“Nope, just finished. I don’t have another appointment until later. What brings you by?”
I sighed. “I’m stressing out.”
She smiled and walked into her home office. I followed her in and sat down in one of the comfortable chairs her clients sat in. She sat down in the chair across from mine. It wasn’t like I was in a therapist’s office. I was hanging out with my best friend.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Nothing happened. I think reality is sinking in.”
She smiled and nodded. “How so?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve done all those things I wanted to get done. I feel like I’ve reconnected with Jace and things seem much better.”
“That’s a good thing,” she stated.
“It’s great. I feel like I’ve caught up on life.”
“And now?” she asked.
“And now panic is setting in,” I confessed.
“The money thing?” she asked gently.
“Yes. What was I thinking? I can’t just not work. I’m looking for a job and I’ve realized I just put myself at the bottom again. I’m going to have to climb my way up. I’m going to have to deal with younger people that are hungry to get to the top. I had my chance and now I’ve blown it.”
“Not necessarily,” she said. “You can start over and move up faster. You’ve got experience.”
I groaned. “I’m going to be taking a serious job cut. I’m not going to have the same flexibility. I think I might have made a mistake.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Why do you think it was a mistake?”
“Because I have no income coming in, but I still have bills. I think I was a little too quick on the draw.”
She took a deep breath and crossed her legs, both of her hands resting on her knee. “I think you did what you needed to do in that moment. You were struggling to fit all the pieces of your life together. You made a decision that allowed you to take a giant step back and really evaluate the situation. Now that you’ve had time to settle the stuff with Jace, you see the other problem. You’re a good mom and you were focusing on your son. I think that’s admirable.”
“But?” I said. I sensed a big but coming.
“It isn’t a but,” she said with a laugh. “I think it’s a moment of clarity. You’ve been in survival mode these past couple of weeks and now you can see clearly. You have a good savings to fall back on, but it isn’t sustainable.”
I slowly shook my head. “No, it isn’t.”
“What is your plan?”
“I have no idea,” I said. “I have been thinking a lot about what you said about opening my own business. I want to do that, but I’m not sure I’m quite ready for that.”
“Why not?”
“I’m ready, but right now might not be the best time. My savings is going to have to be used for my living expenses. I wouldn’t have what it takes to start the business.”
“You could do a loan,” she offered.
“I could.”
“But you’re hesitant,” she said.
I nodded. “I am. I’m a big chicken shit. What if I do all this and get the business off the ground while incurring more debt? Then it all falls apart? I would have no savings, no business, and a lot of debt. I would lose my house.”
She held up a hand. “That is a lot of what-ifs. I think you might be getting ahead of yourself.”
I nodded. “You’re right, I am, but I have to. I can’t just jump into this without really thinking about it. I need to have a backup plan just in case.”