“Hayden…” He steps closer and stops with a foot between us, his expression a mix of gratitude and surprise. He’s also standing in exactly the same spot where we made love for the first time five years ago. I wonder if he remembers…
“Don’t look at me like that. It’s just dinner.”
“You saved my ass this week. I should be cooking for you.”
“Maybe next time.” I venture a glance up at him again, just as his eyebrows lift.
“Next time, huh?” His gaze darkens a half shade, and I suck in air so quickly, the room tilts a bit.
“It’s just dinner,” I say again, with a lighthearted tone that belies my nerves. “Please eat.”
And he does. And I love every second of watching him next to Jett at the table, the three of us eating together like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
But there’s something in his eyes and in his posture that tells me he isn’t as comfortable as I’d like him to be. There’s something guarded that hurts my heart, and I can’t pretend I don’t know exactly what it is.
He’s spent the past four years doing everything he could for Jett and for me, too, making my life easier while it made his more difficult. Me doing nice things for him isn’t something he’s used to. And that breaks my heart.
I want to wrap him up in a big hug and let some of the weight slide from his shoulders to mine. I want to remind him that I’ll stay and help out in the office as long as he needs me to. But more than that, I want to tell him that I see him. And I appreciate him. And that somewhere over the course of the past four years he’s made me fall even harder for him than I did five summers ago.
And I will. Soon. But for right now, I need him to stay and just breathe for a while. To know that we’re here…
And we’re not going anywhere.
JESSE
Something is up with Hayden and it’s not what I expected when she invited me over.
It’s a fuck lot more.
Sitting at the table with her and Jett… it’s everything I’ve ever wanted and everything I almost gave up on.
As much as I want to believe that she’s here in Cole Creek for herself as much as she is for Jett, I’m scared to fucking death that I’m getting ahead of myself.
Yeah, she’s throwing off all of the right signals and even amping them up by being so fucking sweet about it, but what if this is just her way of telling me that, no matter what other shit is going on in her life, that she appreciates the consistency of our relationship?
And if it is more… how do I know that she isn’t here because I’ve made things too easy? Like Craig said earlier, I was the rebound once before and, as much as I want to believe we’re more now than we were back then, I can’t be certain she feels the same.
“How about a walk by the lake?” Hayden asks Jett when we’re done eating. He practically flies from his chair, doing that damn booty dance. Laughing softly, she looks to me. “I know it’s his bedtime, but it’s a nice night. Unless, of course, you have to get going?”
I lean back in my seat, belly full. I should go home and straighten out my friggin’ head, but I nod instead. “A walk sounds fun.”
“Great. Let me put dinner away and get changed, and we’ll go.”
Ten minutes later, Hayden leads the way to the lake through the patio door at the rear of the cabin. The second I step out on the back deck, a wave of memories hits hard.
We christened this deck, too. Right over there by the railing at this time of night, when the sun was setting and the neighbors from either side could have seen. For all we know, they did.
But the memory that came to mind first happened on that faux wicker sofa. When Hayden told me she was pregnant… and planned to stay with Lane.
I should have told her how I felt about her, but I didn’t want to make shit harder on her. I didn’t want to throw my feelings into the mix and hurt her even more when she was already so scared and confused.
I thought I was protecting her, and the rational part of my brain tells me I did the right thing, because even when I did come clean about how I felt, she still chose him.
But the selfish part of me knows I was protecting myself, too. Stepping back allowed me to stay on the outskirts of her life instead of causing a stir and being cast off entirely.
The kid I was five years ago was okay with being a bystander, but the man I am now…
I’m done with it.
“Daddy, you coming?” Jett calls from farther down the path, leading to the lake. Hayden holds his hand as her hair blows in the warm evening breeze just like it did the night I found her on the beach and I know… I know what I have to do.
I held back then, but I won’t do it anymore. And if it means ripping my own heart out in the process, then so be it.
That woman and that boy? They’re my family, and I’m staking my fucking claim.
Chapter 22
HAYDEN
“All right, sweet pea, I think it’s time to head back inside.”
“Aww.” Jett pouts from the beach where he and Jesse draw shapes in the wet sand with sticks. “Little bit more? Please?”
“It’s getting dark and you’ve had a hard day of playing. You need your rest so you can grow big and strong like Daddy, remember?”
Jesse smiles back at me. “You use me as a pawn like that? Really?”
I laugh and hug my arms around myself. I’m not chilly, but knowing that Jesse and I are about to be alone… Well, I’m anxious.
“I wouldn’t say pawn,” I answer. “More like an aspiration.”
“I see.” His smirk hitches to the side and there’s a playfulness in his eyes that wasn’t there during dinner. Tossing his stick, he scoops Jett up into his arms. “In that case, we’d better get going, little man.”
“Okay,” Jett sighs and begrudgingly drops his stick, too. “Swimming next time?”
“Maybe Sunday,” Jesse responds before quickly glances my way. “I mean, if that’s okay with your mom.”
It’s more than okay. In fact, if he wanted to hang out with us every day, I wouldn’t mind. I’d love it.
“That sounds fun. Maybe we can have a picnic, too.”
Jett flashes a cheeky grin and wiggles happily in Jesse’s arms as we head back up the hill to the cabin.
Twenty minutes later, after I get him snuggled into bed, I find Jesse in the kitchen, sitting on a stool and playing on his phone with a beer beside him.
“I almost came to get you for back up,” I sigh, as I twist my hair back up into a bun. “He copped an attitude about not being able to go swimming tomorrow. Apparently Sunday is too far away.”
Jesse puts his phone away and reaches for his beer. “In his little world, a couple of days can feel like a lifetime.”
“Mmm hmm.” Sighing, I grab a wine glass from the cupboard and fill it from one of the boxes in the fridge. “But seriously, about Sunday, I know you’re busy with work this weekend, so don’t feel like you have to hang out with us.”
“I want to hang out with you.” He slides off of the stool and comes around the island, downing the last of his beer before putting the bottle next to the sink.