"Well...I owe him one. But he killed himself and I can't pay it back. Pisses me off. Quiet moments in the forest make me think of that time more.”
I nuzzled into his chest and kissed his neck. "I'm sorry. I sure hope he wasn't a consort!"
"I'm sure a consort wouldn't kill himself," Waylon said. "My will to live is...very strong." He put his hand around the curve of my ass, pushing up my skirt a little, and had a quickie right in the grass and the sun.
"Sunshine always does...make me frisky," I moaned as he claimed me with solid, steady thrusts.
"Such a house cat," he teased.
I was pulled in every direction. I tried to visit all the villages regularly and get to know everyone. I wasn’t sure my powers called for the same discipline as a sorcerer. I sensed I wasn’t meant to spend time identifying plants. I wanted to be strong and present. I wanted to be the queen everyone needed.
I just felt so alone sometimes, and most of all I wanted Mina to come back, and to find the Red Queen.
"This is all I have," Esther said, coming to check on us after a couple weeks had passed. "She briefly surfaced and was reported to have visited some of the shifter elders, where it is said she pissed them off."
I opened the folder and had my first glimpse of the Red Queen, a flame-haired teenager with big eyes, a pert nose, a mouth that screamed trouble. More cute than lovely, but more brazen than cute or lovely. Her name was Zelda. She spent her early years in several different towns in the northeast.
"And the last time anyone saw her was when she pissed off the elders?"
"Yep." Esther sighed. "I'm guessing she wanted to be a queen even less than you do."
"Damn, she looks like a perfect queen though," I said. "Like a spunky princess."
"Well, you and Mina look like perfect queens to me as well," Esther said, smiling. She sat down with a sigh and took some Advil from her bag. "I'm sorry, the flight gave me such a headache today. Perimenopause, I think."
Her innocent words hit me like a sledgehammer. "Oh."
"Well, you're too young for perimonepause, so don't worry!"
"No. No. It's just that...my period is late. Oh my god. My period is late. I wasn't even thinking about it. Oh my god, oh my god. I always track it too. This has just been such a weird couple months..."
"Have you been using protection with Waylon?"
"Yes, but--"
"Stress can make you skip a cycle or two."
"The condom broke one time," I whispered. "And I didn't say anything."
"You're probably fine," Esther said. "But once the Advil kicks in I'll go get you a test. That way you'll have peace of mind and no one will know. Heck, I'll steal it from the Merryville drug store. I know the security cameras there are fake!"
"Thank you. I really appreciate it. You're not so bad, Esther."
"That's so sweet!" Esther perked up. "Mina's never said anything like that to me, and I understand why, but I have to say...it's really nice to hear. I've had to tell so many lies to everyone. But...leadership is hard sometimes. You'll do a better job of it than me." She gave me a tiny smile. "I'll get going, I think. The headache is already feeling better. So just sit tight.”
Damn, I thought. Esther really needed a compliment.
Chapter Nineteen
Frankie
Esther got me the test that night, but I didn't even touch it until the next morning. The guys knew something was up, because I wanted to sleep alone for the first time. I felt like I had to process this.
I was in a very different space a couple months ago. I thought Ian was dead. I was so worried I might lose Waylon too. I wanted to hold onto something. Of course, I also didn't really think I would get pregnant.
Now I felt safer. I had things to do. Two-months-ago-Frankie seemed like a stupid kid.
Well, Esther is probably right and it's just stress.
In the morning, I peed on the stick and...
"Oh shit," I whispered. "Ohhh shit shit shit. Stupid...stupid!" I tossed the stick in the trash and hunched on the toilet seat.
I mean, not only am I pregnant but cats usually have two or three... Gawwwd.
But I do love Waylon so much. I swallowed. It's really early though. And we have so much to do.
I wondered what I would say if he was happy. Then I wondered what I would say if he angry at me and suggested I get an abortion. I felt so confused that I didn't even know how I would react to either scenario, which mostly reminded me that I wasn't mature enough to deal with this and I should have just sucked it up and gotten a morning after pill or something.
When I walked downstairs, Ian and Waylon were talking in an animated way, and I heard some finger picking.
"Frankie, check it out!" Ian held up his guitar. "Viktor shipped this to me. Or at least, his staff did.”
“Really?” I was surprised anyone cared enough to ship the guitar.
“I don’t know why, but it’s here, anyway.”
“That’s…really great!"
"Why did you say that in such a high voice?" Waylon asked. "Are you sick, pussycat?"
“Oh shit, are you sick?” Ian put the guitar down and leapt up to feel my head.
"Is it your moon cycle?" Flor said, a low, rough tone, and I almost smiled because 'moon cycle' was such a romantic bird-like thing to say.
And yet…I wish…
"Back off. I'm fine. You're all way too protective." I pushed Ian back a step and crossed my arms. My heartbeat pounded in my ears. I looked at Waylon. He looked so sexy that I couldn’t stand it and it felt like a crime for him not to have children sooner or later. And he was the only one I could have kids with. The longer I paused, the more his eyebrows lowered and he knew something was up. Then I looked at Ian, who couldn't help but glow over the return of his guitar. And Flor--hanging back, still kind of a loner. I wondered if having kids would alienate him from me before we had a chance.
"I'm pregnant." I finally just spat it out.
"Pregnant!?" Waylon barked. Yeesh. No hesitation there. "With--with--is it mine?"
"Well, whose else could it be!?"
"You're pregnant...with...a baby."
"Hopefully a baby, yes--I mean--" I clutched my head. "It was an accident. The condom broke, one time, and I didn't think--well, I did think--"
"You noticed that the condom broke and you didn't think you should tell me?"
"I--I started thinking you might die, and...you know, everything felt so dangerous..."
"Are you telling me that if I died, you wanted to have had kids with me first?"
"Yes."
"Well..." he ran a hand through his hair. "That's actually pretty adorable. Do you still feel that way, even though I'm not dead yet?"
"Yes. I do." I followed my gut, knowing that the instinct to preserve that love was still with me. But then I looked at Ian and Flor and then Ian again.
Ian definitely looked surprised, but happy too. He walked up to me and circled my waist with his hands. "This is definitely...early. But if you're happy, I'm really happy. God, I mean, of course we've never talked about kids! But that was one thing about you and me. We couldn't have kids together, and I always wondered if you'd want to adopt or if it would just trigger too many memories of your own childhood. I've always wanted a family."