“Yeah, thanks. Trust me, Grace will never speak to me again and the only reason Kira is calling is to tell me how fucking awful I am.”
“Sitting here feeling sorry for yourself isn’t gonna help the situation.”
Gideon slammed his beer bottle down on the table. “My dog almost died, my sister is pissed at me, and the woman I love hates my fucking guts. I think I have the right to feel a little sorry for myself right now.”
“Your life is like a fucking country song,” Preacher said. “Add some shit about your truck breaking down and it’ll be a number one hit.”
Gideon gaped at him before starting to laugh. “You’re such an asshole, Preacher.”
“Fucking right I am,” Preacher said.
“I miss her,” Gideon said, the laughter dying in his throat. “I miss her so fucking much.”
“I know, buddy.” Preacher pointed his beer bottle at him. “So, what are you gonna do about it?”
“There isn’t anything -”
The front door opened, and Tank made a soft woof from the living room.
Tank, stay,” Gideon said automatically. The last thing he needed was Tank ripping out his staples by jumping around.
Kira walked into the kitchen and glared at him. “You can’t friggin’ ignore me forever, Gideon.”
Preacher laughed and held out his fist as Kira walked by. She bumped it before plopping into the seat next to Gideon. “You’re being a dickhead.”
“I’m sorry,” Gideon said. “Kiddo, I’m sorry for lying to you and for… for sleeping with your best friend.”
“Don’t you dare be sorry for sleeping with Grace. She loves you and you love her,” Kira said. “You should never apologize for being in love with someone.”
“Kira -”
“Look, I’m sorry, all right? I owe you an apology for Wednesday night and I really am sorry. I reacted badly and I hate that I did, but my reaction had nothing to do with the fact that you’re in love with Gracie, and more that you guys didn’t trust me to handle the idea that you’re in love with each other. I know you still think I’m this fragile little kid who’s on the verge of offing herself, but I promise, I’m better. Because of therapy, Gideon.” She tapped the table with her finger. “Therapy. Which you need. Big time.”
“She’s right,” Preacher said. “You got issues, bud.”
“Like you don’t have issues,” Gideon said.
“Don’t deflect. This isn’t about Preacher,” Kira said.
“Yeah,” Preacher said with a grin, “this isn’t about me, Gideon.”
Gideon glared at him before turning to Kira. “Kiddo, look, I know you think that -”
His phone rang and he grabbed it up from the table. “Sorry, I have to take this.” He hit the answer button. “Hey, Sophie. What’s up?”
“Gideon?” Sophie’s voice was so low, he could barely hear it.
He leaned forward. “Sophie, can you speak up? I can’t hear you.”
She cleared her throat, her voice a little stronger when she said, “A call came through on 9-1-1. It was… it was Wanda. Something’s wrong with Murray. He was having chest pains and then he collapsed. The medics are transporting him to the hospital right now.”
“Gideon pushed his chair back and stood. “Okay. I’ll head over there now.”
“It sounded bad, Gideon.” Sophie was starting to cry. “Can you please call me when you know something?”
“I will.” He ended the call and Kira stared at him anxiously.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Murray Taber. He collapsed at home and he’s on the way to the hospital by ambulance. I have to go.” He grabbed his keys off the table. “Shit, Tank… he shouldn’t be alone. Kira, can you…”
“I’ll watch him,” Kira said. “Go.”
* * *
“Wanda?”
Gideon eased into the chair next to Wanda’s. The ICU’s waiting room was nearly empty, and he took Wanda’s hand when she held it toward him. “How long have you been here, Gideon?”
“A few hours. I’ve been sitting downstairs with your church group.”
She squeezed his hand. “You’re a good man, Gideon Walker. The best boss I’ve ever had. During his cancer treatment, Murray used to tell me how lucky I was that you gave me so much time off, that you never gave me a hard time about needing to leave early or come in late. He was right.”
“I’m so sorry,” Gideon said.
She wiped at her red-rimmed eyes with a tissue. “Me too. My Murray was someone special, wasn’t he?”
“He was,” Gideon said.
“He hadn’t been feeling right all day. Just felt off, he said. He had a nap this afternoon and then we had supper and he was doing up the dinner dishes when his chest started hurting. He told me that his chest hurt, and then he,” Wanda wiped at her eyes again, “he told me that he loved me and then he collapsed on the kitchen floor. ‘I love you, Wanda,’ was the last thing he said to me.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Gideon said, “It isn’t fair. Murray beat cancer. He beat cancer and then a goddamn heart attack…”
He let go of Wanda’s hand and smashed his fist on the arm of the chair. Anger was heating up his blood, making his skin itch and his muscles buzz.
He hit the arm of the chair again. “It isn’t fucking fair!”
“No, it isn’t,” Wanda took his hand and uncurled it from the fist it was in. “But life isn’t fair. The best you can do is muddle through it and keep the people you love the most, close to you. Love is always worth it.”
“Is it?” he rasped. “Murray is gone and you’re alone and sad and…”
His throat grew tight and he couldn’t swallow past the lump that was in it.
“Grief is the price we pay for love, Gideon.” Wanda squeezed his hand. “You and your sweet sister have paid that price. You’re still paying it.”
She stared at their clasped hands. “Still, I wouldn’t trade a single moment with Murray, no matter how hard and difficult those moments could be, for a lifetime without him. The time I had with him, the good and the bad, are memories I will always cherish. I can’t speak for you, but I imagine you feel the same about your parents.”
“Yes,” Gideon said hoarsely.
They sat in silence again and when Wanda leaned her head against his shoulder, Gideon said, “I love Grace.”
He took a deep shuddering breath. It was the first time he’d said it out loud and the pressure in his chest eased a little.
“She’s a sweet girl,” Wanda said. “I’m not surprised.”
“I love her, and she loves me, but I pushed her away because I was afraid of losing her,” Gideon said. “I’m a coward.”
“Hush, you’re not a coward.” Wanda squeezed his hand again. “Made a dumb mistake and acted a little stupid, maybe, but that doesn’t make you a coward.”
She straightened and smiled at him. “Love is always worth it, Gideon. Go fix your dumb mistake.”