“So, what do we do now?” Raph echoed her earlier question. “Who do I need to see? Where do I need to go?”
Scraping at my hair, I let out a shaky breath. My heart was making itself known in my chest again. Adrenaline, I guess. My body was preparing for the emotional rollercoaster to come as we waited for the results of Raph’s blood test. “To be honest, at this time of night, I don’t know.”
Holding up a finger, I crossed to the receptionist.
She offered me a warm smile. “I’ve let Dr. Waters know about your friends’ arrival, Mr. Osmond. He’s on his way in now.”
Man, the people who worked at this place were amazing. “Now?”
She nodded. “It will take him about an hour to get here. You’re more than welcome to take your friends to the cafeteria, if you like. I’ll tell him where you are when he gets here.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” the receptionist answered.
The fact Parker was on his way stirred something dark and bleak inside me. I know he hadn’t been lying when he’d described Tanner’s condition as becoming critical, but the fact he was going to come in for a blood test that someone else surely would have been able to perform, told me just how critical. A powerful urge to return to Amanda and Tanner rushed through me. Churned my gut so much it hurt.
“If Tanner’s mum comes looking for me, can you let her know where I am, please?”
She smiled, her expression warm and compassionate. “I can, Mr. Osmond.”
Drawing a deep breath, I turned back to Maci and Raph. “C’mon, I’ll buy us all a jam donut.”
Maci’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re going to eat a jelly donut?”
I chuckled. “I said I was going to buy them. Didn’t say I was going to eat one.”
I walked them to the all-night cafeteria. Like the corridors, there were mothers and fathers here, sitting alone, silently dealing with their reason for being here, perhaps talking to whatever God they believed in, maybe making deals, striking bargains . . .
What was my bargain? Had I reached that stage? I think I had. I’d promised to look after Amanda and Tanner, to never turn my back on them, if Tanner went into remission. Was that bargaining? I’d promised to put aside my plans for Push It P/T and focus on being a father, a partner . . . maybe even one day a husband.
I’d done that. Was that my personal bargaining? And if so, did it count, given I’d never really put any faith in the concept of God before. I wasn’t raised an atheist, religion just wasn’t part of my upbringing. My dad was an architect, and too much a pragmatist to waste time in church, and Mum never made a big deal of it, despite the fact I know she went to a Catholic high school. But perhaps when faced with the death of your child, a slow, hideous, painful death that made no sense or seemed to serve no purpose, we turn to other things that make no sense for help.
“Tell me about Tanner.”
Maci’s soft request brought me back to the cafeteria. I slouched deeper in my seat. “He’s incredible,” I answered, unable to stop my smile. “Tough. Huge Optimus Prime fan.”
“The most noble of Autobots,” Raph declared, placing the three coffees he’d just bought on the table and lowering into the seat next to Maci.
I arched an eyebrow at him. “Didn’t know you were a Transformers geek, Jones?”
He slid one of the coffees across to me. “You haven’t seen my tattoo?”
Maci laughed. “Idiot.”
He grinned at her. “Maybe.”
I watched them, overcome with a feeling of sheer joy at their obvious love for each other. Theirs was a real-life Happy Ever After. The future that lay ahead for both of them wasn’t pretty; Maci’s Parkinson’s would make certain of that. But that didn’t stop Raph loving her, wanting to be there with her for the rest of their lives.
Unconditional love. That’s how he’d described it to me once over the phone, when I’d asked him how it was going. He’d just moved to the States to be with her, leaving behind his dreams of running the cattle property that had been in his family for over two hundred years. He’d changed his life for Maci, and would love her forever, care for her, despite what lay ahead of them. It was beautiful to witness, sitting here now with them, experiencing that open love . . .
Ah, fuck, it made me ache for my own Happy Ever After even more. An unforgettable one, one that would rock the very world with its perfection. Me, Amanda, Tanner . . . and maybe one day, another little person . . .
“Don’t mean to get soppy here for a sec, mate,” I said, fixing Raph with a steady look, “but I really am grateful for what you’re offering to do for us.”
Us. I think it was the first time I’d used the collective noun when talking to someone to describe me, Amanda and Tanner. The weight of the word pressed on me, a wonderful pressure I willingly bore.
Raph nodded. “No worries,” he answered.
Done. Just like that. No more words needed. Maci reached across the table and squeezed my hand. I flipped it over and squeezed hers back.
“Now,” she smiled, “fill us is on the whole story.”
And so I did. From the first time I met Amanda on the ski slopes in Australia, to the day she ended our relationship, to the morning I arrived in LA, to now.
They commented occasionally. Maci said she completely understood Amanda’s reason for ending our relationship. “Remember,” she pointed out, “I know all about the fear of dooming the future of the person I love. It may not make any sense to anyone else, but that fear has a powerful grip on rationality. To an outsider, we look a little unhinged and selfish. To us it’s the most logical thing in the world.” She gave a sheepish shrug, and flicked Raph a wry smile. “Until the person we love smacks us in the face and makes us wake up to ourselves.”
Raph chuckled, brushed the back of his knuckles over her cheek and then tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Took bloody long enough with you.”
She shrugged again. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”
I could see Raph didn’t agree at all with Amanda’s reasoning for not letting me know about Tanner’s birth, but as was his way, he kept his opinion to himself. What he did do was agree her father was a dick. It may be infantile, but I felt so much better for that support.
I was filling them in on Robby Aames when a warm hand smoothed over my back.
“Hi,” Amanda’s husky voice sounded at my shoulder a heartbeat before she lowered herself into the empty seat beside me. She smiled, first at me, then at Maci and Raph. “I’m Amanda.”
I watched Maci and Raph suss her out, their silent inspections lasting a fraction of a second but no doubt forming a lasting impression. Did they see what I saw when I looked at her – a beautiful, sensitive young mother fighting to stay sane, to stay calm in the face of real and horrific trauma? Did they see her warmth, her compassion, her strength?
Or did they see a manipulative woman who’d done me wrong? Who now sat at the table uninvited, her hair a mess, her clothes crumpled, looking like an extra in a bad medical drama?
“Hi Amanda,” Maci spoke first and I think I damn near laughed with relief at the friendly warmth in her voice. “I’m Maci. This is Raph. We’re friends of Brendon’s.”