“Oh my. Okay, let me see if I can find a private waiting area that will accommodate everyone.” She turns to leave.
“Wait!” I call out. “How is she?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t have an update. The doctor asked me to get the family.” She gives me a sad smile and walks away.
We go back to our seats. I can’t sit still. My legs are bouncing up and down. My heart feels as though it could thump right out of my chest. I need answers. I need to see her.
“Family of Aspen Steele,” the same nurse calls out about five minutes later.
We all stand and follow her down a long hallway to a small waiting room that reads Private. It’s barely large enough to hold all of us, but we make it work. “The doctor will be right with you.”
I open my mouth to bitch about having to wait yet again when the door opens, and a tall, older gentleman in a white coat steps into the room. “Hello, I’m Dr. Black. Are you all here for Aspen Steele?” he asks, glancing down at the tablet in his hand.
“Yes. I’m her sister, and this is her fiancé, Conrad,” Aurora answers.
He nods. “She’s stable. When they found her, she was unconscious, so they intubated her to make sure she had a clear airway. I’ve just reviewed her X-rays, and her lungs look clear.”
“Is she awake?” Aurora asks.
“No.” He shakes his head. “We’ll need to leave her intubated for several hours. We need to watch her for flash pulmonary edema. We’re working on getting her admitted to a room.”
“Doc.” My voice cracks. “Is she going to be okay?”
“Like I said, she’s stable. Her vitals are good and her lungs are clear. The next few hours will be the test to see if she develops FPD. We’ll monitor her closely over the next several hours and then do another X-ray. If that comes back normal, we can begin to extubate and bring her out of sedation.”
“I need to see her.” I don’t ask for permission.
He nods. “One at a time.”
I look at Aurora, and her eyes are soft. She looks over at Grant and then back to me. “Please tell her I love her,” she says through her fresh tears.
“When we get her settled into a room, we can do two visitors at a time,” the doctor adds, having sensed our dilemma.
“A-Are you sure?” I ask Aurora. I feel like a dick. She’s her sister, but I can’t breathe without Aspen.
“I’m sure. I’ll see her when they get her into a room.”
I wrap my arms around Aurora and hold her close. “I love her, sis. I love her so fucking much.”
“I know you do,” she says when I release her. “Go. She needs you.”
Grant steps up behind her and wraps her in his embrace, and I know she understands. The bond they share is much like the one I share with Aspen. In fact, I’m sure if I was in her shoes, I’d let her go first also. I love my brothers, but Aspen, she’s my everything.
Our footsteps echo off the walls as I follow the doctor. The noises around me fade away, and I feel as though I’m walking through a tunnel. I don’t know what to expect when I see Aspen. I don’t know how I’m going to react. I just know she needs me. I know if I can just touch her, if I can tell her how much I love her, she’ll come back to me.
The doctor stops just outside of a room with a closed door. “A nurse will be in to check on both of you in a minute.” The doctor pats my shoulder and walks away.
Taking a deep breath, I grip the handle, turn, and push. I keep my eyes on the floor as I close the door and make my way to the side of her bed. Lifting my gaze, I take in my love. My knees feel weak, which has me gripping the rails of her bed to remain standing.
She has a tube down her throat and IVs in her arms. Her face is pale with smudges of black, and the smell of smoke is overwhelming. I don’t attempt to stop the tears as they fall from my eyes. “Baby,” I whisper.
“Just checking her vitals,” a nurse says softly, entering the room.
I grab the chair next to the wall and move it close to the bed before falling into it. Carefully, I pick up Aspen’s hand to hold it in mine, my thumb softly tracing her knuckles. “Can I clean her up?” I ask when I bring her hand to my lips for a kiss.
“Sure, I’ll grab some supplies. We can have the nursing staff do that when she’s admitted upstairs,” she offers.
“No.” I shake my head. “I want to do it.”
Her eyes soften. “I’m sorry, we don’t allow that. However, I promise to take good care of her.”
The door closes softly behind her, and I place my attention back on Aspen. “Aspen.” My voice breaks. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her palm. “I don’t know if you can hear me right now, but if you can, I need you to listen. Can you do that, baby?” I pause, swallowing hard. “I need you. I need you to fight this. I need to tell you how much I love you. I need to see those pretty hazel eyes when I tell you that I plan to love the fuck out of you for the rest of our lives. I want to marry you and have babies with you. I want to watch our babies have babies. With. You,” I emphasize. Resting my forehead against the mattress, I keep her hand held in mine as my tears fall freely.
“Please, God,” I whisper. “Please don’t take her from me.”
The door opens again, and I wipe at my cheeks with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “She’s been assigned a room,” the nurse, who was just in here checking her vitals, informs me. “She’s going to be on the third floor, room 3098.”
“Are you moving her now?”
“Yes. If you want to inform your family and head up that way. There’s a large waiting room just across the hall from her room.” She smiles softly.
“Thank you.” Standing, I lean over the bed and place my lips against her forehead. “I love you. They’re taking you to a new room. I’ll meet you up there.” I don’t know if she can hear me, but I hope so. I hope she hears my pleas for her to come back to me. I need her to hear me so I can tell her I love her. So I can look into her eyes and tell her what she means to me. I vow to never let a single day pass by that I don’t tell her how much I love her.
My feet are heavy as I make my way back to the waiting room to give our family an update. As soon as they see me, they’re all on their feet. All eyes are on me as I approach them.
“She’s… I don’t know if she can hear me,” I say, defeated, my eyes cast to the floor. Hot tears begin to build behind my eyes. “I told her that I love her, but I don’t know if she can hear me.” I look up at our family to find they all have the same look of grief and misty eyes as well. “I’ve never said the words to her. I wanted to, but I didn’t want to scare her away. I tried to last night, on the phone, and I think she knew, but she stopped me. I get it. You don’t tell the love of your life over the phone for the first time that you love them, but I felt this urgency to tell her. Now, what if I never get the chance? How will I live with myself if she doesn’t come out of this and she never knew that she lived right here?” I place my hand, palm flat against my chest.
“She knows,” Aurora cries. “She knows, and she loves you too.”