We’d been almost inseparable since he returned from his visit with Sawyer, and just like I always longed for, my life finally settled into something normal. It terrified me to think of letting him go while we lived our own individual lives. That fear was ultimately what made me decide to stay behind. I didn’t want to want him just because I was afraid of being without him. I wanted to want him because we were better when we were together, but still pretty great when we were apart.
I needed to prove to myself that I could function on my own. That just like him, I could thrive in an imperfect situation and make it one that was perfect for me… for us.
None of the pep talks I got from Mercer and Vernon on a near daily basis changed the fact that I was devastated to see him go and worried about how I would do without him. I cried about it at least once a week in secret. But I wasn’t very good at hiding my feelings, because Huck even offered to stay behind and switch to a school with a lower-rated law program closer to town, which only made me feel worse. I was sad at the thought of there being distance between us when it had taken so long for us to get close, but I was determined to do the right thing by letting him go chase his dream. I was going to support him from afar while I figured out who and what I wanted to be now that I had the space and freedom to do so.
“The drive isn’t too bad. I promise to come back and see you on the weekends I’m not working.” Huck muttered the promise as he bent down to grab my face between his big hands. I was sitting on the edge of our bed. I’d decided to take over his room officially since he was leaving. I never actually moved my stuff down from the attic, but I hadn’t spent a single night in the eerie room since Huck and I started hooking up.
With both Huck and Harlen moving to different cities, Vernon and I were soon going to be on our own in the big, sprawling house. I nearly wept tears of relief when the pretty computer savant told me he was sticking around for grad school. So, not only was he staying in my department and would remain my mentor, but he was also sticking around as my favorite roommate. I’d also been lucky enough to have Mercer forgive me. It took some time, and some serious persistence on my part, but eventually she started to cave. She was mad I followed her and embarrassed her. She was upset I didn’t trust her enough to make good choices for herself. In fact, the night of the date I ruined, she was planning on breaking up with my former classmate because she was tired of his mind games. She knew something was up, and the reason she was being so evasive was because she was worried he might have something to do with my past. She was trying to protect me all along. Mercer was what a true friend should be, and I loved her even more than I already had once we got everything straightened out. I don’t know that I would’ve been able to process Huck leaving, or the eventual grief over losing my mom that had finally caught up with me, without her. I think seeing me finally come to terms with what a huge loss my mom’s death was went a long way toward softening Mercer’s anger at me.
My relationship with my mother was always complicated, but every questionable thing I’d ever done had been to keep her with me for as long as possible. Letting go of the weight of the responsibility for her wellbeing was life changing. I felt like I could finally breathe and move without bumping into a new, impossible obstacle.
Vernon and I were trying to decide if we wanted new roommates to help split the cost of the rent, or if we wanted to try and cover the expenses by ourselves. Neither one of us was exactly trusting or liked strangers in our space, so it looked like I might have to find a second part-time job before the semester started. No matter how much I enjoyed working at the store, there was no way I made enough to cover all my expenses. If I were a better student, I could tutor like Vernon, but that wasn’t likely to happen anytime soon.
Truthfully, Vernon seemed more depressed that Harlen was leaving than I was about Huck. He’d been mopey and distracted since the draft picks were announced.
Huck touched his forehead to mine as I rested my hands on either side of his narrow waist.
“I know it isn’t like you’re moving halfway across the country, but I’ll still miss you.” I sighed and closed my eyes as his warmth slowly seeped into me. “And I’ll come to you, too. You don’t always have to come to me. You’ll be busy with school and work.”
He tried to convince me I needed a car now that he would be so far away. He didn’t want me stuck without transportation in case of an emergency. I resisted because I knew how much grad school was going to cost him and how expensive moving to a big city was going to be. He insisted he had enough to cover all the things, but I was stubborn. As always, Huck was tricky and just figured a work-around. He bought a used little economy car for Vernon, with explicit instructions to share it with me whenever I asked. Vernon played along to make Huck happy, but we both knew the car was mine, even if my name was nowhere on the paperwork.
He chuckled softly, and his breath drifted across my lips, forcing them to part slightly. “So will you.”
I made a face and tightened my hold on his shirt. “Yeah, but you care more about your grades than I do. I’ll tolerate being apart the best I can, but don’t be surprised when I show up on your doorstep out of the blue. Just in case, you better tell Fisher you’re giving me a key.”
He laughed again and tilted his head so his lips could skim over the tip of my nose. The soft gesture made me sigh and shift my hold from fabric to skin. He was supposed to be on the road over an hour ago, but our goodbye was dragging on much longer than anticipated.
I dragged my hands up along his sides, letting my fingers drift over his ribcage.
What was I going to do now that I couldn’t jump him anytime I wanted?
I was going to miss having him crawl into bed all hot and hungry in the wee hours of the morning. I was going to miss his impatient hands and ravenous mouth. I was going to miss his hard body and unrelenting passion.
But most of all, I was going to miss his heart.
The steady thump when I laid on his chest to fall asleep made me feel safe and secure.
It acted like a beacon, a bright light in the darkness that had always surrounded me. I could find him no matter where he was in the world because of its glow.
I knew the upcoming distance wouldn’t do anything to dim its radiance, but I was really going to long for the days where I could put my palm on his chest and feel that the most beautiful and important part of him was right at my fingertips.
Huck let me tug his Balenciaga t-shirt off over his head. He shifted his hold on my face so that one of his hands curled around the back of my skull and the other rested across my throat so his thumb could tip my chin upward. His mouth landed on mine as he let his weight fall forward, toppling us back onto the mattress.
I reveled in the hard press of his naked chest against mine. Almost instantaneously, my nipples perked up, and my heart started to pound with excitement.
It wasn’t like we hadn’t been making the most of our dwindling time together the last few weeks, but there was something about the way we touched each other right now that was a little more reverent. We’d been spoiled by having unlimited access to one another. Now, we were going to have to make every kiss, every sigh, every brush of naked skin last.
Huck braced his weight above me on one of his elbows, arching away just enough that I could get a hand between us to wrestle with his belt and the fastenings on his jeans. I could feel that he was already hard, and the way his stomach muscles tightened when my knuckles skated over his defined abs.