“Eventually, for me too. But AJ was silent when I first got here. I was so small, and he was huge. I’d known men with short tempers, and he scared me to death. I remember pretending to be as tough as I could, trying to keep him from hurting me. I’d call him creep and pervert just to push him away. I couldn’t trust him. I had emotional baggage filled with all kinds of stupid shit. But Kate? She never let me get away with anything. Soon, she was the reason I chose to stay. But you’re right; it took both of them to make me finally stop feeling so broken.”
“Did you resent me when I came here? I mean, you were even older than I am now, and I try to imagine how I’d feel if a thirteen-year-old kid appeared out of nowhere and moved in with them. I’d at least roll my eyes with clear disdain.”
“It was my idea. I told them for years to foster a kid after they were such good parents for me. I basically came to them the same way you did. Yes, Dad and I were tied by blood, but at age thirteen, it didn’t matter. He was a stranger to me. He was someone new and unknown, which I found terrifying.”
“They’re good with teens. Angst and all that doesn’t even faze them.”
“No. It really doesn’t. But I was glad to see the satisfaction they got from raising you. Once you settled in, even I couldn’t resist you.”
“Because I’m so charming?”
She gave him a pointed, motherly look of disdain. “You’re so full of yourself. An egocentric, little shit with an overabundance of good looks and way too many women telling you that.”
He let out a good laugh. She often scolded him gently like that, if only so his head didn’t get too big. Yeah, performing in the horse shows brought plenty of women to the ranch. Women who noticed him. Not just for his skills on the horse. Many women turned out to have cowboy fetishes and fantasies. He generously allowed such women to indulge their secret desires with him for a night or two, every now and again. His unusual skills with animals and uncanny magnetism were appealing to many, which only further elevated his status in their eyes. A lot of the resort guests and other women visitors, both young and old, made themselves available to him. So, there was truth to what Cami said.
Cami continued, her tone becoming more serious, “I’m really sorry about what happened with Preston. I mean, we’re all heartbroken for Violet. But you were right there too, witnessing that… It had to be pretty brutal.”
“It was. It is. For both me and Violet. Daisy says she’s catatonic. She told Jack she wanted Wallace, the horse who threw Preston, turned into glue. I took him off their hands. I actually bought him from them, they just don’t know I was the buyer. Dad’s letting me keep him at his house. He’s not a bad horse, and so well-trained. I hated the idea of wasting such a valuable animal.”
“Yeah, Mom told me. I think it’s a fair solution.”
He stared at his fingers. “Did they tell you about my idea?”
“They did. About as opposite as it could be from what Charlie and I were doing at your age, huh?” She shook her head with a sigh. “All I ever wanted to do was stay here. Instead, I traveled all over the world. I can now speak, though not fluently, three new languages. Damn. Life is never what you expect it to be. But age will show you that.”
“Like what happened to Preston?”
“Yeah. Like that. But never mind, I think it’s an ambitious plan. Dad was about to burst himself, he’s so proud of you and all your promising goals.”
“I was afraid I went too far. I can’t finance it. It’s pretty expensive. A single head of cattle goes for thousands nowadays and the prices do nothing but keep rising.”
“You’ve been watching the industry?”
“Yeah. But the land I want to buy is a steal. I think it’s a real bargain. But not if I tried to buy it without their help.”
“Asher, are you worried about what I think?”
“Yeah. I didn’t want you to think I was using them. I’m your younger adopted brother by a good twenty years. Not your blood brother or someone you grew up with. Whatever we say we are, we aren’t related in the legal sense. I guess I wanted to ask if you think I’m using them? Or maybe, check me out to see if I am? My guilt is overwhelming sometimes. I want to do this so badly. And then I worry my selfish desire for wanting it is eclipsing the morality of it. Sometimes, I feel so guilty to pursue it, I wonder if maybe I need to stop.”
“First, that’s bullshit. I’m not blood here either and they are all my family. I mean, excluding AJ. But Mom and Dad financing a business venture with you? That’s not so unusual and we all agree you have the skills, work ethic and smarts to pull it off. So, drop the giant guilt complex since it’s not needed in these circumstances, okay?”
Her words were final, and it was hard not to believe her. She could have had real issues about him joining her family so late in her life, but she didn’t. Her square sense of right and wrong also impressed him. So, if she didn’t think it was weird, maybe he could release his deep insecurity and guilt. “Did you ever feel like you were not really their child? Probably not, because AJ is your biological dad. But sometimes, even now, I feel like a fraud. Like I have to earn my position as their adopted son. And therefore, maybe I shouldn’t have as much access to them and their resources as you do. Or other biological kids have to their parents. But Daisy said it’s no different than her parents paying for her to go to college. I still struggle with feeling like a fraud or trying to justify my place in their lives, even after all these years.”
“I know what you mean. Meeting people who become your parents and authority figures at the age of thirteen is not the same as being born into them. I mean, my boys are nine and I keep thinking how different my life was at age nine to theirs. I look back and realize how emotionally broken and needy and insecure I felt for years. So many years, long past when I was with Charlie. There was so much for me to learn and believe and discover. I don’t know if it was all caused by my life before I came here, but it affected me deeply.”
“I think you came from a far worse upbringing than mine. I was loved by my great-grandma, and there was never abuse or neglect. We were just very poor and very alone with no other family. So, there was mostly isolation that I remember. And fear: what if something happened to her? What would I do? She was so frail, but Grandma was all I had.”
“So, you took care of her. Right? For the last five years.”
“Yes. We were afraid to tell anyone she needed help. We didn’t want to be separated or risk me being taken from her because of her inability to care for me any longer. I’m still grateful I did it. Because she was mine. My only family member. So, I have no regrets. But I guess it might have changed me.”
“You were the kid who didn’t get to be a kid. You had to be the caretaker of someone you loved. Not saying it’s a bad thing. I know how hard you struggled to let anyone close to you or take care of you at first. But you learned to trust us, and you grew. You’re trustworthy too now, so yeah, our parents should invest in you. No qualifications necessary. Being adopted is as irrelevant as being a stepchild. You and I have a mom and dad. We are brother and sister.”
He blinked. “I know. So, you do regard yourself as part of the entire ranch and one of them? I mean, Ben and—”