Nolan cursed. “I don’t like this plan any more than you, Jace, but James is right. The rest of the team will be in on the op too. If it was someone else, anyone but you two, I’d be making the same argument James—and the rest of the Shields, because he didn’t come here on his own—is.”
That didn’t alleviate any of Jace’s turmoil, especially because he didn’t like the idea of Nolan being exposed either. At the end of the day, this was what he did. Who Nolan was. And if he fell in love with the guy, he’d have to accept that.
Fell in love? He barely restrained himself from cackling maniacally. No matter how this turned out, they were fucked. Their feelings were already involved, even if they’d been pretending otherwise. Shit.
“There’s something else you should know. I’m not suggesting you should instantly be okay with this if you’re not because of what I’m about to say, but you should have all the facts before you make a decision…” James took a step back from Jace as if he was afraid of earning himself a black eye.
Jace canted his head.
“If you thought being an informant paid well, you’re going to pass out when you see the raise you’re being offered. Agents make about a hundred times your previous salary considering the risks involved. There’s also a substantial death benefit, not that we hope to ever pay that out. If you do this, you won’t have to worry about starting over afterward. Anything you want, you’ll be able to make it happen. That degree program you mentioned, Laurel, you wouldn’t even notice the tuition missing from your bank account.”
“Serving Draven a huge helping of justice pie would be payment enough.” Laurel waved James off. “If it saves even one kid like me, like Jace, like Mark, like Cherri, from having their childhood destroyed, then I’m in. For free.”
“Nah, that’s not how it works around here.” Nolan took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly. He looked at the awe and admiration in Laurel’s eyes and nodded. “If you choose to do this, I’ll have your back.”
Laurel seemed to melt, triggering Jace to lash out. He wasn’t about to let her be blinded by lust only to doubt her own judgment later. He couldn’t stand to see her crushed when her loyalty was violated again.
“Would you please quit looking at him as if he’s some kind of saint or our savior?” Jace spun to face Laurel and Nolan directly, blocking out James shaking his head in Jace’s peripheral vision. So what if Laurel’s brother was in Nolan’s camp and not Jace’s? Could he lose her to the other man after everything they’d been through?
Hell no, wasn’t happening.
“We’ve been living in some fucked up fantasy, Laurel. He’s no hero! How do you think they stop these guys? By asking nicely?” Jace flung up his hands. “Laurel, you’re falling for a fucking murderer. You get that, right?”
James winced. “Trust me, they prefer if you don’t use the M word.”
“Fine. He promised to protect you and now he’s putting your life on the line. If fucking around with you in this bullshit bubble these past months ruins the best thing in my life, I will regret this for the rest of my days.” Jace snarled, making Nolan stagger back. “No piece of ass, however fine, is worth losing Laurel. I knew this was a stupid idea! Fuck!”
Laurel stared, her gaze shifting between him and Nolan. “Jace, how can you say that?”
“He’s not wrong.” Nolan hung his head, his broad shoulders slumping. Somehow that only made Jace feel worse.
“Yes, he is. Look, Nolan might kill people who deserve it for a living, but at least he is willing to show affection and…well, whatever else, to those he’s close to instead of letting them wonder if they’re good enough for him.” Laurel took a stance next to Nolan.
“You think I don’t love you? Is that what this is about?” Jace grabbed his hair as if he was about to yank it out.
“No.” She stared at him like he was an idiot, and maybe he was, but she might as well have been speaking another language for all he understood what she was really getting at. “I know you do. But…”
Jace stepped closer. “Isn’t that enough?”
“I don’t know. You never say it, and we haven’t exactly made any promises about what’s happening here. What if you get bored or decide you want to go back to hooking up with other people? What if you only want me as part of a package deal with Nolan, but once the novelty wears off, he bails?”
“What?” both Nolan and Jace croaked simultaneously.
“I’ve had the best months of my life here with you two and I don’t regret a single thing. But if I don’t do this, I’ll never be able to live with myself or believe I deserve anything that comes after.” She turned to James then. “Tell Jordan I’m doing this.”
“It looks like you three have some shit to work through first.” James pointed to the bedroom. “Jordan is coming in from the mountain house to meet with everyone in the Hot Rods dining room, since they’re at work and it doesn’t make sense for us to keep trekking up to the Hawk’s Nest constantly. That means you have two hours before you need to report in for duty. I suggest you use them wisely.”
Jace swallowed hard. His hands shook. Partially out of frustration, yes, but also out of terror. Everything was slipping through his fingers. And he wasn’t the sort of man to stand back and let go. No, he needed to fight.
James leaned in toward Laurel and hugged her tight. “Everything’s going to be okay. Listen to your heart and don’t be afraid to chase your wildest dreams, okay? No matter what, you’ve got me, Laurel-loo.”
She patted James’s back and nodded. “I love you, little bro.”
James looked at Nolan. “Two hours. Don’t be late.”
Jace stalked to the bedroom, angry and annoyed though secretly glad when Nolan and Laurel’s footsteps followed close behind.
18
Laurel’s head spun. Just like it had the day they’d first come to Middletown, everything had changed in an instant, except this time definitely not for the better.
It wasn’t fair. She’d started to feel at home and forget what it was like to worry every day about how they were going to survive.
She trotted after Nolan and Jace as they stalked to the bedroom and shut the door quietly behind them. No one was leaving until they’d hashed out whatever had come to a head out there. She was not about to lose the progress they’d made over this. Draven was not going to steal one damn thing more from her.
In some ways, though, Jace was right. Nolan had promised they’d be sheltered, far from the action. And no matter what sort of ninja operative he was, he couldn’t be certain they’d emerge unscathed if he took them with him to the front lines. That didn’t mean she was going to bail. Not on Cherri and not on the chance to stop Draven from wrecking another person the way he’d nearly broken her and Jace.
No way.
She bit her lip as she imagined Nolan with a gun in his hand, taking someone’s life, his usual disarming grin nowhere to be found. He did bad things, very bad things, even if it was for good reasons.